


Ten in Ten

by Gingerwerk



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alcohol as coping mechanism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, mentions of Bill Guarnere/Frannie, mentions of Lipton/Speirs, mentions of Skip Muck/Faye Tanner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 09:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10434807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingerwerk/pseuds/Gingerwerk
Summary: When George Luz met Joe Toye a week into freshman year, he had no way of knowing then the many ups and downs their relationship would take over the course of the next ten years, from friends to lovers to awkward acquaintances and everything in between. Most people would probably say it was chance that brought the two of them together in the first place and it was their tight group of mutual friends that brought them back together again and again. However, if someone were to ask Luz, he would probably say it was fate, fate and a stubborn unwillingness on both of their parts to ever completely let each other go.





	1. Eighteen

**Author's Note:**

> Extremely excited to finally get to post my entry for the easy co bigbang :)
> 
> Like to give a quick shoutout to the always lovely May bluudhaven/cptnwinters for her help editing this fic; you the best. Also, in case anyone is interested, I created a playlist that goes along with the fic you can check out on spotify here: https://open.spotify.com/user/gingerwerk/playlist/2mOiDB2QMVoJN3ZTZF362z

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2006, age 18...

* * *

It was like a scene out of every generic college movie he had ever seen. He was at a house party, currently pressed against the wall of a crowded living room, red cup in hand filled with the cheapest beer on the planet, while he tried to stay out of the way of the mass of drunk, erratically dancing bodies in front of him. It was his first week of college and by some miracle he, and a cluster of his fellow freshman, had stumbled upon a house party right off of campus that allowed a group of freshman through its doors. He had lost his roommate Frank soon after they got into the house, the kid from the room next door who went by his last name, Talbert or Tab, had been whisked away towards the dance floor by an older woman some time ago, and he could just barely make out the bright red tennis shoes that belonged to the kid everyone called Skinny while he did a keg-stand in the dining room.

 

Usually George thrived in social situations. He had always been the life of the party in high school and had always been a pretty popular guy because of his class clown routine but now he didn’t feel that. He had heard enough of that bullshit, how if you were cool in high school you probably won’t be cool in college, but honestly Luz didn’t believe that for a second. Luz knew that he could thrive socially just as well in college as he did in high school, he just needed to switch up his game a little. First thing’s first- he needed another drink. He was much too sober to get along with anyone in this crowd tonight.

 

George pushed off the wall and made his way through the thick crowd of hot, sweaty bodies toward the kitchen in search of a drink.

 

The kitchen wasn’t crowded with people but it was crowded with empty bottles, crushed beer cans, and half torn up cardboard boxes. The small room reeked of cheap beer and cigarette smoke with a faint hint of vomit. As Luz grabbed a lonely beer out of a melting tub of ice, he felt a little bad for whoever’s house was being destroyed tonight.

 

“Hey, give me a drink?”

 

George turned around and found a guy his age standing behind him. He was a little taller than Luz with dark hair shaved down almost into a buzz cut and dark brown eyes; George had to admit that even with a scowl on his face he looked handsome. Luz handed his unopened beer towards the guy before he grabbed himself a new beer from the bucket. When he straightened up he expected the guy to be gone but as Luz turned around he found the stranger leaning against the cheap kitchen counter, drinking his beer.

 

“You a freshman?” the stranger asked out of the blue.

 

“Yeah,” George answered honestly. “So what if I am?”

 

“Just surprised a freshman got in here,” he shrugged.

 

“Well, be afraid, man, because the enemy has infiltrated your base camp and I’ll have you know, I’m not the only freshman who snuck in here,” George said as he walked over to the guy and leaned against the counter a few feet away from him.

 

“I’m a freshman too,” the guy said with a roll of his eyes before he took a drink from his beer. “So I wouldn’t exactly call you the enemy; at least not yet anyhow.”

 

“So, how’d you manage to sneak your way in here?”

 

“This is my older brother’s place,” he answered. “He was kind enough to extend an invite to his lowly freshman brother.”

 

George let out a low whistle as he glanced around the demolished kitchen and thought about how horrible the rest of the house was.

 

“My condolences to your brother’s security deposit. He can kiss that money goodbye.”

 

“Trust me this is nothing. I don’t know how the fuck this place is still standing after he and his friends have been living here for two years.” The guy paused to take a long drink from his beer. George did the same.

 

“Can I smoke in here?” George asked as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pants pocket; there didn’t seem to be a lot of rules in this place but he figured he should ask while in the presence of one of the renters’ brother.

 

“Only if you’re polite enough to share,” the other boy said.

 

George smirked before he tapped out two cigarettes from the package and handed one to him. Luz pull out his zippo from his pocket and, being ever the gentleman, lit his acquaintance’s cigarette before he lit his own.

 

“Name’s George, by the way,” Luz said as his cigarette dangled out of the corner of his mouth. “George Luz.”

 

“Joe Toye.”

 

“Pleasure to meet you, Joe,” Luz grinned before he removed his cigarette from his mouth and tossed back the rest of his beer.

 

* * *

 

“Nice and easy, Buck, nice and easy,” George said quietly from where he stood next to his friend Buck. “You got this. Just focus.”

 

“How exactly am I supposed to focus when I have you whispering in my ear like Jiminy Cricket?” Buck asked while he kept his bright blue eyes focused on the dart board in front of him.

 

“Sorry,” Luz apologized as he took a step away.

 

The tension in the cold, dark basement was high as the cluster of friends stared at the tall, blond-haired college student who stood a few feet away from the old, secondhand dartboard with a dart in hand. Buck tossed the dart forcefully and spectacularly missed his mark. Half of the small crowd cheered while the other groaned. Luz was a part of the latter group; he let out a deep sigh as someone crossed the room to pull out the darts from the board before he reached out and patted Buck on the bicep.

 

“Sorry, George,” Buck apologized as he turned his eyes on Luz.

 

“It’s alright, Buck,” George shrugged. “Some people have bad nights, you’re just having a bad night.”

 

“Thanks for being so understanding,” Buck responded with a smile.

 

“Are you two done?” Joe asked gruffly from where he stood to the side, cigarette smoking away at his side while he glowered at the two. “Enough feelings hour, more darts.”

 

“You heard the man,” Bill said with a smirk ask he slapped down the handful of darts into his gangly, red-haired friend, Babe. “Show ‘em how it’s done, Babe.”

 

“Make me proud, Babe, or get the fuck out of my house,” Joe heckled as he gripped Babe’s shoulders tightly, shaking him slightly.

 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Joe? This isn’t your fucking house. It’s your brothers,” George reminded him.

 

“Yeah but I’m the one who decided who was allowed to be here so I can decide who gets the fuck out,” Joe clarified. “And if you keep this up, Luz, you’re gonna be pretty high up on the list.”

 

“I’m shaking in my boots, Joe,” Luz teased before he took a drag of his cigarette.

 

“Will you two shut your traps?” Bill groused. “Babe, hurry up and finish this game. Maybe Luz’ll shut his mouth after he gets his ass handed to him.”

 

“Doubt it,” Joe muttered, hands still gripping Babe’s shoulders.

 

“Worth a shot though, eh, Joe?” Babe grinned before he put his focus back on the dart board in front of him.

 

There was a moment of silence while everyone’s eyes were on Babe; a second after the dart left his fingers, it landed on the board, square where he was aiming at.

 

“Ha! See I told you to trust my boy, Joe,” Bill exclaimed as he rushed forward to ruffle Babe’s bright red hair. “One of Philly’s finest.”

 

“I guess sometimes you have good judgement, Bill,” Joe replied as he slapped a grinning Babe on the back.

 

“Hey, no hard feelings, guys,” Babe said as he turned to face Buck and Luz.

 

“No hard feelings, Babe,” Luz said sincerely before he slapped Babe good-naturedly on the back. Luz turned to look at Buck. “Eh, it’s a good thing we weren’t betting, right, Buck?”

 

“Ooh, boy, we would have gotten killed, Luz,” Buck chuckled.

 

“Do you wanna bet?” Babe perked up suddenly, brown eyes wide.

 

“What?” Luz asked.

 

“A bet? Let’s play another round. We’ll make a bet out of it this time,” Babe explained.

 

“Well, you know I don’t really bet…” Buck trailed off as he exchanged a look with Luz.

 

“Come on!” Joe insisted. “Don’t be a bitch about it. It’s not like we’re betting fortunes here.”

 

“Twenty bucks,” Babe cut in.

 

“I don’t have any cash on me, guys,” Luz said as he patted his pockets for emphasis. “Sorry.”

 

“Pack of smokes then,” Joe suggested as he smirked at Luz. “I know you got a pack of those in your pocket.”

 

Luz pulled a contemplating face while he turned to look at Buck for confirmation. Buck shrugged in response.

 

“How about we just try and hit the bullseye?” Buck suggested. “Whoever gets it wins. Pack of smokes each.”

 

“Sounds fair to me,” Joe said as he pulled out his almost full pack of cigarettes and slapped them down on the battered coffee table to the side of him.

 

“Who’s going first,” George asked as he pulled out his own pack and placed it next to Joe’s.

 

“Why don’t I go first,” Babe suggested cockily. “Show you how a real professional does it.”

 

“How kind of you, Babe,” Buck said as Babe picked up one of the darts and got himself in position.

 

George watched as Babe lined up the shot and let the dart fly. It landed just to the left of the bullseye. Pretty damn close but not close enough that George and Buck’s luck was out. Perfect.

 

“You’re up next, Buck,” Babe said as he handed him a fresh dart.

 

“Thank you,” he said as he got himself in position.

 

“Heya, Buck, I gotta question for you,” Luz piped up right before Buck was about to let the dart go.

 

“Jesus Chris, Luz, will you just shut your trap for a second and let the man shoot?” Toye complained.

 

“It’ll just take a second, okay, Joe? Buck I was just wondering, you gonna shoot lefty all night?” George asked as the corners of his mouth quirked upwards in a devious smile. “I mean, Buck, you’re a right handed, man. What are you doing?”

 

“Wait,” Joe growled as he looked at the devious look on George’s face and the quickly forming smile on Buck’s as he switched the dart from one hand to the other. “Hold the fuck up.”

 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, George,” Buck said, unable to fight back the wide grin on his face.

 

With practiced ease, Buck aimed the dart again and threw it. Bullseye. Sharp cries punctuated the cold basement, a combination of victory and anguish.

 

“Better luck next time boys,” Buck grinned, not looking the least bit sorry or surprised by the turn of the events.

 

“Cough up those smokes, gentlemen,” Luz ordered gleefully.

 

“What the fuck, Luz,” Joe grumbled before he slapped a pack of cigarettes into George’s outstretched hand, glaring at George’s toothy grin.

 

“Honestly, Joe, you should know better than that by now,” Luz smirked. “You gotta admit that this is a little bit on you.”

 

“I don’t know why I still talk to you,” Joe grumbled.

 

“Mmm hmm, keep telling yourself that,” George smiled as he checked his newly acquired pack of smokes and found only one cigarette missing. After a moment of debate, George tapped out two cigarettes and handed one of them to Joe. “Here.”

 

“Oh wow, thanks for giving something back to me after you stole it,” Joe said while accepting the cigarette.

 

“Now, now, Joe, no one likes a sore loser.”

 

George couldn’t help but laugh as Joe sulked, even if doing so ran him the risk of getting punched in the face; he had taken enough of Joe’s hits over the past few months that George knew he could take another if that’s what it came to.

 

Luz watched as Joe’s hand shot out towards him and he braced for a hit but instead, Joe simply gripped onto the front of his t-shirt tightly and jerked George close to him, so close that George could smell the hint of Joe’s aftershave under the tobacco smell that constantly surrounded him. Taken aback slightly, George blinked up into Joe’s dark, twinkling eyes, unsure of what exactly was about to come next.

 

“Luz,” Joe’s voice growled softly, “wipe that fucking grin off your face and go get me a drink, alright?”

 

Joe’s comment and his low gravelly voice only succeeded in making George grin wider before he pulled out of Joe’s slacking grip.

 

“Well, since you asked so sweetly,” George said as he straightened the front of his shirt before he turned and headed to the ancient fridge that sat in the corner of the basement.

 

Over the past few months, Joe’s brother’s house had become a sort of home base for them all to have fun without their R.A.’s writing them up for underage drinking, smoking indoors, and just generally being loud, obnoxious college freshmen boys. Joe’s brother let them hang out at his place as long as they all coughed up beer and pizza money and served as the occasional designated driver. Luz figured that Joe’s brother must either really like Joe or Joe had to of had some serious dirt on the guy because what twenty-two year old brother in their right mind willingly loaned out the basement of their house to their little brother and a dozen of his freshmen friends? Knowing Joe, George was much more inclined to believe the later.

 

Whatever the reason for Ricky Toye’s generosity, George knew better not to poke a hole in a good thing by asking questions. If it hadn’t been for Ricky’s house and his penchant for throwing beer fueled parties, George and his friends would never have stumbled into his house all those months ago, would never have met Joe. Without this basement to hang out in, Luz wouldn’t have ever met Bill and Malarkey- Joe’s closest friends -and Babe, Buck, Skip, and Penkala by association. Without this shitty basement with its nonexistent heating, George probably wouldn’t have become as good friends as he was now with Lip, a kid from his dorm who was too by the books to agree to any indecent and illegal behavior in the dorms but who wasn’t opposed to breaking rules away from the prying eyes of R.A.’s and the university. The basement may have been dark and cold and smelled faintly of mildew and it had poor ventilation so whenever anyone lit up down there, everyone got a taste but it had tunes and a half-functioning television and a refrigerator filled with shitty beer and, most importantly, it was filled with laughter and friends and really, what more could a guy ask for?

 

“Here you go, Joe,” George said as he gracefully leaped over the back of the secondhand couch and landed next to Joe before he held out his can of beer. “Nice and cold. Didn’t even shake it up.”

 

“Fool me once, Luz but I ain’t falling for that shit twice in one day,” Joe muttered as he accepted the can.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

In answer, Joe quickly aimed the can in Luz’s direction and pulled the aluminum tab, sending a spray of foam right into George’s smug face. The basement erupted into a chaos of laughter but as George wiped the beer off of his face, all he could hear was the low, rough chuckle that was Joe’s laugh.

 

“That was for fucking hustling me out of my smokes,” Joe explained with a hint of a smile on his face. “Learn your lesson?”

 

“Nope,” George declared as he licked some of the remaining beer foam from his upper lip. “Never.”

 

“Fuckin’ Christ,” Joe sighed under his breath as he turned away from George and took a sip of the remaining beer in the can. “I regret the day I met you. So much.”

 

George stared at Joe’s serious profile for a long moment before Luz smiled softly and shook his head against the cracked leather of the couch.

 

“You are such a fucking liar, Joe. What the fuck would you do without me?”

 

“I don’t know,” Joe snapped as he turned to look at George again. “Maybe have some fucking peace and quiet every now and again?”

 

George sat there for a moment while he listened to the sounds of their friends talking, laughing, and shouting around them. There was nothing peaceful or quiet about their time spent in that dark basement but a majority of their time was spent there these days and it was all because Joe allowed it to happen. He was the one who invited them all back, even after he kept threatening to kick them and to stop inviting them all over.

 

 _Such a fucking liar_ , George couldn’t help but think.

 

“Peace and quiet’s overrated, Joe.”


	2. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2007, age 19...

* * *

It was great to be back after a whole summer spent all the way back in Rhode Island where his nine younger siblings spent the past three months screaming relentlessly into his ear as he was forced back into his role of consummate babysitter. He really did love the rugrats, even when they were pissing him off, but the second he could George Luz booked his ticket back to Georgia so he could be reunited with his buddies at Toccoa University.

 

Classes started about a week ago and already people were claiming shit was too stressful which really was a load of bullshit in George’s opinion. Frankly, Luz couldn’t find it in him to bitch about his nonexistence course load, not yet anyways. He was too happy to be back to complain. He was finally back with all of his best friends at another one of Ricky’s shitty house parties with even shittier free beer. How could he complain?

 

“Fucking sauna in there,” Luz grumbled as he pushed open the squeaky screen front door and exited onto the dilapidated porch.

 

It really was astounding that Ricky Toye’s house somehow managed to always either be sweltering or freezing cold with next to no middle ground. A house filled with warm bodies combined with the heat of Georgia in August made the inside of the house a perfect recipe for heatstroke. Pulling the fabric of his sweaty t-shirt from his skin, George sighed as he felt the slightly cooler fresh air hit him; it was still muggy as shit outside, but it was still an improvement than inside.

 

The front porch was empty; the rest of the partygoers who had decided to get some fresh air were out back, being loud enough that George was sure they’d get a noise complaint any moment now and get shut down by the cops. However, what with everyone being excited to be back, half of the houses around campus were in similar states as Ricky’s and hopefully the cops had bigger fish to fry somewhere else.

 

Propping himself up against the porch railing, Luz pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his pants pocket and lit up, billowing smoke out into the night air. It really was great to be back. The smell of cigarette smoke and stale beer, drunken laughter ringing over slightly outdated party mixes, the cacophony of it shaking the thin plaster walls of Ricky’s house, it truly felt like home to George.

 

“Hey, Luz.”

 

George turned towards the sound of the creaky screen door and found Lip exiting onto the porch, pulling similarly at his front shirt as he got some needed fresh air.

 

“Lip!” George cheered around his cigarette. “Good to see ya man, when the hell you’d get here?”

 

“About an hour ago,” Lipton responded as he leaned against the porch railing next to Luz, looking the same as he had the last time George saw him before everyone cleared out for summer. Without a word, Luz handed Lip a fresh cigarette and lit it for him. “Somehow I got roped into being Buck’s beer pong partner and then one game turned into another and another and we kept winning so he wouldn’t let me go.”

 

“How’d you manage to get away?” Luz asked, knowing Buck’s ability to coerce people into endless rounds of darts, beer pong, and hands of cards.

 

“Ron,” Lipton answered with a smile.

 

“ _Oh, okay._ I get it,” Luz said dramatically. “Big, bad _Ronnie Speirs_ showed up and scared Buck off of his boy.”

 

“ _George_ ,” Lip sighed, sternly.

 

“What’s going on with you and him anyways?” George continued, breezing over Lip’s annoyance. “You don’t rub me as the kind of guy who sleeps with the TA to get better grades.”

 

“I’m not-” Lip started as his face turned a soft pink. “Ron’s just been helping me out alright? He was in the same major during his undergraduate, he knows all the right professors and classes-”

 

“I’m just fucking with you, Lip, alright? Relax,” Luz said with a wave of his hands. “Whatever’s going on with you two, as long as you’re good I’m good. But you let Speirs know that unlike everyone else I’m not bothered by his dead eyed stare and if he-”

 

“If he what, George?” Lip asked, almost mockingly before he took a quick drag from his cigarette. “ _Ruins my honor_?”

 

“Asshole,” Luz smirked as he shoved his shoulder against Lipton’s before he returned to his semi-serious tone. “I _will_ fuck him up though if he fucks with you.”

 

“Thanks, George, but I don’t think you’re going to have to worry about that.”

 

Before George could say anything else, the front door crashed open and out poured a gaggle of drunk people, most of which George recognized. Bill led the front of the group while Tab and Joe followed behind him, both of them with cute, equally drunk girls hanging off of them. George watched as the pretty brunette girl messily kissed Joe on his cheek, smearing a bit of lipstick on his stubble; Luz busied himself with taking a long drag off of his cigarette while his stomach lurched uncomfortably. Bill split off of the quartet to join Lip and Luz, laughing while he struggled to pull out his pack of cigarettes from his pants.

 

“Yo, you fuck-heads better wrap up!” Bill shouted as he leaned over the porch railing as Tab, Joe, and their lovely ladies stumbled slowly down the front steps of the house.

 

“Hey we ain’t as stupid as you, _Gonorrhea_ ,” Joe retorted as he stopped at the bottom of the porch stairs to look up at his friend.

 

“Oh fuck off,” Bill exclaimed as he threw his barely smoked cigarette at Joe, missing by a couple feet.

 

Even though the cigarette missed Joe and his date wildly, Luz still couldn’t help but notice the way the girl clinging to Joe tightened her grip on him and how Joe didn’t seem to mind.

 

“See you boys later!” Tab called out before he and his date disappeared down the dimly lit sidewalk.

 

Bill and Lip both exclaimed some sort of goodbye, probably a promise to be safe from Lip, but George was too out of it to hear the specifics. Instead he focused on smoking his cigarette straight down to the filter in weak attempt to make himself feel better. He knew it wouldn’t, knew his mind would keep flicking back to the image of the pretty girl hanging all over Joe and he knew he’d feel just as shitty every time.

 

That’s what happened to a guy when he decided to develop some ridiculous crush on one of his best friends.

 

George wasn’t exactly sure when the fuck this happened, when he started feeling more than just regular buddy feelings for Joe, but he knew he realized it after Spring Break near the end of last semester. All it had taken was a whole week apart from Joe and then feeling like he got the wind knocked out of him when he saw Joe making out with some girl at another one of Ricky’s parties after the break for George to realize. And fuck if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, here he was six months later, _still_ pining after Joe while he continued to pull girls left and right without a second thought.

 

“Luz, yo, Luz. You there buddy? Or did someone slip something into your drink?”

 

Luz blinked his eyes until Bill’s waving hand refocused in his field of vision. George shook his head before he turned to look at Bill and Lip, who were both staring at him in a slightly concerned manner.

 

“What’s up?” George asked.

 

“Me and Lip were gonna go back in and grab a drink,” Bill explained. “You in or are you gonna keep sitting out here staring into space while you try to smoke a filter?”

 

George glanced down and noticed that he had smoked his cigarette all the way down to the filter. Ripping it from his lips, Luz got off of the railing, and nodded.

 

“Yeah, I could use another drink,” Luz agreed. “Way too sober for this shit.”

 

“Well we can fix that real quick,” Bill said with a laugh as he slapped George roughly on the middle of his back. “Let’s go scrape up another guy and see if we can finally beat Lip in beer pong.”

 

After three games, it became clear that no, no one would be able to beat Lip in pong; three games and Lip only drank a handful of times while Bill and Luz were left stumbling away from the table. As two new victims took their positions opposite Lip and whoever his partner was now, Luz did his best to stumble inside the house, looking for a drink he definitely didn’t need. He felt a little better, a little happier, but there was still that fucking gnawing sensation eating away at the bottom of his stomach. Hopefully another drink would get him over the hump and get rid of the feeling for the rest of the night. Unrequited crushes were serious buzz kills.

 

* * *

 

 

By this time of the night most of the people had cleared out of the house, either moved onto other parties or onto the front and back lawns to get much needed air. Wherever they went, it meant that it was now somewhat manageable to navigate through the house, even while Luz was inching close to drunk. Stumbling through the crushed beer cans on the floor, Luz made his way into the kitchen and felt himself freeze when he saw who was standing inside of, leaning casually against the kitchen counter.

 

“Well aren’t you quick,” George said as he moved farther into the kitchen and grabbed one of the last beers from one of the many mostly empty cardboard boxes that littered the floor.

 

“What are you talking about?” Joe asked as he paused in the middle of lighting his cigarette.

 

“The girl,” Luz elaborated, using every last ounce of his soberness to try and sound casual about it. “Already got her home and taken care of?”

 

Joe stared at him for a moment before Luz’s words clicked in his mind and he made a derisive snort while he went back to lighting his cigarette.

 

“I didn’t do anything with her.”

 

“Kinda impressive that you managed to strike out,” Luz said as he leaned against the counter next to Joe, his arm brushing against Joe’s arm. “She seemed pretty into you.”

 

“Yeah I guess but she was a fucking mess. Wouldn’t have been right. And I wasn’t trying to score with her anyways,” Joe continued. “I was just helping her home. Tab was trying to get it with her roommate and the roommate didn’t want to leave the girl here to fend for herself.”

 

Luz didn’t say anything, wasn’t sure what the fuck he should say or feel or believe. A part of him didn’t want to believe that Joe was telling him the truth, probably the part of him that told him constantly to not get his hopes up, but why the fuck would Joe lie to him about _not_ getting any?

 

“Where’ve you been tonight anyways?” Joe asked as he readjusted himself against the counter, shoulder bumping against George’s as he did it. “Barely saw you at all.”

 

“We’re both popular guys, Joe,” Luz said with a grin as he pressed his own shoulder back against Joe’s, feeling warm. “Everyone wants a piece of us.”

 

“See the summer didn’t do anything to deflate your ego,” Joe sighed.

 

Luz’s smile grew only for it to come tumbling back down as the loud whooping noise of sirens filtered in from right outside the house.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Luz, suddenly feeling much more drunk than he had moments before, balked. Thankfully, Joe seemed to have an escape plan imbedded in his memory, probably needed to do this more than anyone else in the entire house. Without a second thought, Joe ditched his half-smoked cigarette into the kitchen sink, grabbed onto the front of George’s t-shirt, and tugged him towards the back door.

 

The music was so loud in the backyard that no one seemed to hear the sirens of the cop car out front. A couple people tried to stop them to ask what the hell was going on; Joe didn’t stop moving, only managed to shout ‘Cops out front! Everyone clear out!’ over his shoulder before he kept moving on towards the back chain-link fence.

 

“Start climbing,” Joe ordered as he shoved George against the metal of the fence.

 

Amazingly, autopilot seemed to click on in his brain and next thing George knew he was climbing over the top of the tall fence and letting himself drop onto the hard ground on the other side.

 

“Shit,” Luz hissed as he stared at the red scrapes that covered his palms.

 

“Gotta get up,” Joe ordered as he grabbed onto George’s shirt front yet again and hauled his ass up onto his feet.

 

Latching onto Joe’s arm, Luz ran as fast as his wobbly legs would allow him and together they ran until they couldn’t hear the sirens anymore. When they stopped in the middle of some empty alley way, George doubled over in laughter.

 

“Holy shit,” Luz panted. “Holy- that was close. Thanks man. I woulda been done for it you didn’t drag my ass outta there.”

 

Luz straightened up and found Joe hovering over him, dark eyes focused intently on Luz, sending a shock down his spine.

 

“What?” Luz asked, his brain struggling to decipher what the look in Joe’s eyes meant.

 

Joe didn’t respond. Instead, he grabbed the front of George’s t-shirt yet again, used it to press him against the side of the building, and before George could ask him what the fuck he was doing, Joe used the grip on his shirt to jerk Luz upwards, bringing his mouth to crash against Joe’s.

 

Maybe Bill was right. Maybe someone had slipped something into his drink because how else was he supposed to explain to himself why it seemed like Joe fucking Toye was making out with him.

 

George blinked and felt Joe bite at George’s mouth as he let out a low growl, clearly frustrated with Luz’s lack of participation. The noise shoved any and all thoughts or questions out of Luz’s brain and all that was left was the will to act.

 

Luz felt dizzy but he couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol, his decreasing supply of oxygen, or if it was because he was in such an extreme state of bliss after all the months he spent pathetically wishing for a moment like this.

 

“Dude… how drunk are you right now?” Luz panted a few moments later while his brain sluggishly tried to find an explanation for this.

 

“I’m not fucking drunk, Luz,” Joe growled, face still only an inch or two away from George.

 

“What about that girl?” Luz asked. “From earlier.”

 

“I told you I was just being a wingman tonight for Tab,” Joe insisted. “Nothing happened.”

 

“Well… what about all those other girls, huh?” Luz asked as he thought back to all those other nights that George watched Joe leave a party with a girl on his arm. “Not being a bro every night are you?”

 

Joe was quiet for a long moment, the only sound between them was the combined sound of them struggling to catch their breath. Finally, Joe smirked before he shrugged and said, “Maybe I just really like brunettes.”

 

When Joe kissed him again, Luz responded immediately and eagerly. Joe’s answer didn’t exactly answer all of George’s numerous questions but in that moment, he found that he really didn’t give a shit anymore and he was perfectly content to stay where was.

 

* * *

 

 

The music was so loud in the house that George could feel the vibrations on his back from where it was pressed up against the side of the house. Once again, Ricky Toye and his roommate’s house was packed with people in varying states of drunkenness. Luckily for George, there were so many people inside that no one could possibly notice that two of tonight’s guests had slipped outside to make out like the horny teenagers they were against the side of the house.

 

Somehow, someway, this became a kind of ritual between the two of them now. Almost every time they gathered at Ricky’s on a Saturday night, at some point during the night Joe would pull George aside,- usually after they’d both had a couple –take him outside or to some other empty corner of the party, and kiss him senseless.

 

It was amazing, even if it confused the hell out of George. After five or six times of this happened, George still didn’t have an answer for what the fuck was going on or what the hell was going on in Joe’s mind. Was Joe seriously having so much trouble getting a girl that he turned desperate and turned to Luz as a last resort? Was Joe fucking with him? Was Joe gay? Bisexual? Was he just curious and using George as a willing and trusted participant in his little experiment?

 

George was stuck in a precarious position. He wanted answers but he also didn’t want to poke holes in this and scare Joe off with his questions.

_You’ve already made out with Joe way more times than you ever thought you would_ , Luz thought to himself. _Might as well go for it, right?_

 

Drunk enough on shitty beer and Joe’s kisses to feel confident, George resolved himself to speak once Joe moved away for a quick breather.

 

“Joe. Joe, hey, hold up a sec,” George said as he placed a hand on Joe’s chest to keep him from going in for a second round.

 

“What’s up?” Joe asked, sounding a little impatient.

 

“I just…” George started while he tried to work out just what he wanted to say and how he wanted to say it. Damn, he should have either been more sober or more drunk for this. “This- me and you –this is fun and all, fuckin’ great really, but I was just sort of wondering… what the hell are we doing?”

 

George watched as Joe tried to work through Luz’s question; clearly he wasn’t the only one struggling at the moment. After what seemed to be way too long, Joe made a half-shrugging motion before he spoke.

 

“We’re having fun, Luz,” Joe answered before he brought his mouth to the point where George’s neck met his jaw and gave it a quick, sharp bite. “You having fun, right Luz?”

 

“Yeah,” George responded a little breathlessly. “Yeah, of course, Joe.”

 

“Good,” Joe said with a smile. “Me too.”

 

Joe went back to kissing and biting George’s neck, which very quickly chipped away at George’s resolve to find a more defined answer to what they were doing. Whatever will Luz had left to keep up this line of questioning completely disappeared as one of Joe’s hands moved south and ripped the metal fly on his jeans all the way down…

 

Maybe there would be a better time to pursue this in the near future.

 

* * *

_“Derek, I just have a few more questions if that’s okay.”_

_“Cool.”_

_“So when did you know that you wanted to be a model?”_

 

“Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade,” Luz interrupted, doing his best airheaded impression of Derek Zoolander. “I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking ‘Wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career’.”

 

“Oh here we fucking go,” Joe groaned, cutting across Luz and the voices that came out of Malarkey’s laptop which sat open on a milk crate a few feet away.

 

“What?” George asked as he turned to look at Joe, who was sitting next to him on the old couch in Ricky’s basement. “I thought that sounded pretty good.”

 

“A solid eight outta ten, Luz,” Skinny responded flatly from where he sat on the floor, working through the giant bowl of popcorn that sat in his lap.

 

“Thanks, Skinny.”

 

“Don’t fucking encourage him,” Joe snapped.

 

“What’s crawled up your ass?” George asked.

 

“Do you know how many movies you’ve fucking ruined by yapping through them with your impressions?” Joe challenged.

 

“Hmm, ruined or improved?” Luz asked.

 

“Ruined,” Joe along with one or two of their friends sitting around the room chimed in.

 

“Wow, guys, that stings a little,” George said dramatically as he pressed a hand to his chest, pretending to be genuinely hurt.

 

“Good,” Joe declared before he took a sip from his beer. “Maybe then you’ll shut up for once. I haven’t seen this and it’d be nice if I could fucking watch it without any additions from the peanut gallery.”

 

“You’ve never fucking seen Zoolander before, Joe?” George asked Joe seriously. “‘Cus man, I gotta tell you this movies been out for a good five years now. You _had_ your chance to watch this movie uninterrupted.”

 

It was the middle of midterm season at Toccoa University and in an attempt to relieve some stress while killing the minimum amount of brain cells, the guys decided to take a break and have what was supposed to be a relaxing movie night in Ricky’s spacious basement, far away from campus and libraries and classrooms. Of course, as what happened a lot of times with this group of guys, things didn’t necessarily go as planned.

 

George knew that his impressions irritated Joe and a lot of the rest but he also knew when to draw the line before Joe got pissed enough to throw a punch, or at least he felt like he knew where the line was; he had been wrong before. With a grin on his face, George prepped his best Derek Zoolander before he turned and looked Joe straight in the eye.

 

“Did you ever think that maybe there’s more to life than being really, really, _really_ ridiculously good looking?” George asked, finishing in a flawless copy of Derek Zoolander’s iconic Blue Steal.

 

“Fuckin’ Christ,” Joe grumbled before his hand lunged out towards George.

 

Luz flinched, expecting Joe to swing at him but instead of that Joe gripped roughly at the back of his head, keeping him firmly in place. A beat later and Joe’s mouth was pressed firmly against George’s, effectively shutting Luz up.

 

For a second, George was stupefied. Sure, Luz heard some of the other guys talking about them, asking if anyone had noticed something going on between the two of them, knew that one or two of them had even caught them in the act before, but never had either one of them made a move so blatantly in front of their friends. All it took was a loud wolf whistle and a handful of popcorn thrown directly at their faces for Luz to feel himself relax. No one gave a shit. No one even sounded like they were that surprised. It was fine.

 

“Oh is that all we had to do to shut George Luz up?” George heard Skip ask. “Doesn’t seem all that bad for the results you get out of it.”

 

“Luz may have low enough standards to mack on Joe but I doubt his standards are low enough slum it with you, Skip,” Frank said flatly, causing everyone in the dark basement to burst out laughing.

 

* * *

 

 

It should have felt weird to wake up in a bed that wasn’t George’s but somehow along the way, Joe’s bed became almost as familiar as his own. The first time George had woken up in Joe’s bed had been a little awkward but the weirdness hadn’t even last for that long. Now it was almost standard procedure for one of them to wake up in the others bed after a long night spent out drinking. Truthfully their respective roommates were the ones who didn’t know how to respond to finding one of them in the apartment way too early on a Sunday morning, wearing last night’s clothes. After the first time Frank and Tab caught Joe sneaking out of their apartment, they asked George what the fuck was going on between them. George wished he had something concrete to tell them but all he could do was to repeat the words Joe had told him months ago.

_“We’re just having fun.”_

 

Was that all this really was to Joe? Fun? Sure George was definitely having fun with Joe but he knew in his heart that he this was more than just fun for him.

 

Sighing quietly, George closed his eyes and moved himself closer to Joe’s sleeping form. It was way too fucking early for him to be dealing with this heavy shit. Maybe after a couple more hours of sleep he’d be better equipped to deal with it.

 


	3. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2008, age 20…

* * *

 

George reached out and knocked loudly on the wooden door in front of him. While he waited for an answer, Luz fidgeted in his stiff blazer and pulled at the navy tie that was wrapped tight around his neck; fuck it all if he ever ended up with a job where he had to wear some money-suit to work every day. Feeling impatient, George reached out and knocked on the door again, a little louder this time.

 

“Yo, it’s Luz, open up!” George called through the door. A moment later he heard heavy footsteps headed in his direction.

 

“Hey, Luz,” Bill answered tiredly as he opened the door.

 

Bill was dressed similarly as Luz in a hodgepodge of dark formal clothing, neither one of them at twenty years old having one whole complete suit. It didn’t matter. Joe hadn’t cared that they hadn’t looked perfect; most of the people who came out today to support Joe hadn’t even had a proper suit jacket so at least they had a leg-up there.

 

“How is he?” Luz asked somewhat lamely; he had a pretty good idea of how Joe was right now but Joe had ducked out too soon after the funeral for George to properly check on him.

 

“Shut himself in his room once we got back but I haven’t heard any crashes or swearing so…”

 

“That supposed to be a good or a bad thing?” Luz asked tiredly, knowing that Joe’s natural state usually contained more than a couple swears; silence in George’s mind meant that something was wrong. Bill simply shrugged, probably thinking similarly. “Can I go talk to him?”

 

“You can go ahead and try, Luz,” Bill sighed as he stepped backwards to allow George to pass through the doorway of their apartment. “No promises though.”

 

Luz entered the apartment and started walking towards Joe’s room; he had spent so much time in their apartment recently George was sure he could move through it blindfolded. When he reached Joe’s door he found it shut but he could see light streaming in from under the crack at the bottom of the door.

 

“Joe,” George called out as he knocked on the door. “It’s me. Can I… can I come in?”

 

Joe didn’t answer but since he didn’t flat-out tell George to go the hell away, he felt it was at least worth the risk of opening the door and poking his head inside. Inside the bedroom, Joe sat on the side of his bed, still dressed in his brother’s second-hand suit with his eyes downturned at his slightly scuffed dress shoes.

 

“You left the funeral in such a hurry I didn’t get a chance to say bye,” George started as he took a few cautious steps into the room. When Joe didn’t acknowledge him, Luz took a step backwards towards the hall, accepting defeat. “If you don’t want to talk, I get it, I’ll leave you alone-”

 

“No,” Joe said quietly, his voice much rougher than usual. “No, just…”

 

Instead of continuing his sentence, Joe let out a deep breath before he jerked his head towards the empty spot on the bed next to him. Closing the door quietly behind him, George crossed the room and settled down next to Joe, quietly relieved that Joe hadn’t kicked him out of his room instead. Joe hadn’t kicked him out once whenever he dropped by over the past few months to check up on him but there was always the chance that today would be the day he changed his mind.

 

George usually prided himself on being able to always find something to say, no matter the situation; his words may not have always been particularly brilliant but his word vomit usually helped to ease the tension of a difficult situation. Not now, however. For the first time in a long time, Luz didn’t have any idea what to say.

 

What the fuck were you supposed to say to a guy who just buried his own mother?

 

George knew that there was small comfort in telling Joe that at least she wasn’t suffering anymore, at least he had been given a chance to prepare for it, what with her health failing over the course of the last year. Really, there wasn’t anything to say that would ease Joe of all the pain and exhaustion he had gone through over the past few months as his mother’s health got worse and worse.

 

Joe really had given his all these past few months. Ricky had done what he could but after he graduated and got a real job down in Atlanta his ability to help out with their mother was limited; Joe never blamed him for it though. George knew that Joe was proud of Rick, didn’t want to have him put his career on hold now that he was finally making something of himself. Joe, always willing to make the sacrifice play, decided to drop out of school after the first semester of their Junior year so that he could take care of his mom full time, even though he knew it broke her heart to hear he wasn’t in school anymore. Joe wasn’t that bothered by it; whenever anyone asked him he insisted that school really just wasn’t for him to begin with.

 

Joe played it off pretty well but Luz knew how much the past few months wore on him, knew better than most because he and Bill had been Joe’s main support system, had been the ones to make sure that he was eating, sleeping, taking a break from it all to act his age for five minutes. It wasn’t an easy job, trying to convince Joe Toye to take a fucking break to keep himself from running himself ragged, but George never thought about stepping out of the duty for a second. He couldn’t. Joe needed him, whether he said it out loud or not.

 

“What are you gonna do now?” Luz finally asked once he couldn’t stand the silence any longer.

 

“Go back to school?”

 

In answer, Joe shook his head. George let out a deep breath while he took in the news. He couldn’t really say he was surprised even though George had hoped that Joe would go back to school and finish his degree; Joe, despite what he claimed of himself, was a smart fucking guy.

 

“School’s not for me, Luz,” Joe responded. “You know that.”

 

No. He didn’t know that. But Luz knew that now was not the time for this argument.

 

“Only reason I ever signed up for school in the first place was because Ma wanted it so badly from me. Ricky’s the smart one out of us.”

 

“You’re smart too, Joe,” George bit out, unable to keep his tongue while Joe spoke so lowly of himself. “Except for when you’re being an idiot like right now for instance.”

 

Maybe now _would_ end up being when they argued about this after all. Luz waited for Joe to retaliate, to tell him that he was the idiotic one but none of that happened. Instead Joe stayed uncharacteristically quiet. It unnerved George.

 

“So…what are you gonna do then if you’re not going back to school?” George asked again.

 

“Gonna do what I originally planned on doing after high school,” Joe started. “Gonna join the Army. What I should have done from the beginning. Shouldn’t have let Ma boss me around and convince me to go to school. Past two years were a waste…”

 

Even though George knew that Joe’s words weren’t directed at him Luz couldn’t help but feel hurt by them. As he thought over the past two years, the good and the bad, their time together, he didn’t feel like it was a waste. Putting on a brave face, George forced his lopsided smile to appear casual before he pressed his shoulder against Joe’s and said, “it hasn’t all been a complete waste, right?”

 

Joe turned to look at George with his tired, dark eyes for a long moment before he gave his head a small shake, relieving the tension that had built up in George’s chest out of nowhere.

 

“Nah. Hasn’t all been bad,” he agreed with a hint of a smile that made Luz’s heart skip a beat.

 

Feeling brave, George reached out, grabbed Joe’s hand, and laced their fingers together, squeezing it reassuringly. It was incredible really that after everything they’ve done something as innocent as this, holding hands, made Luz nervous. It probably had something to do with the fact that until very recently whatever their casual sort of arrangement entailed, affection really wasn’t one of the main components and definitely not while both of them were completely sober. Only recently once George started spending a majority of his free time with Joe, making sure he wasn’t running himself ragged, had Luz started becoming more daring with his casual affection. Joe didn’t really reciprocate but he didn’t get annoyed and grumble, didn’t tell George to stop…

 

George looked away from their joined hands and took in Joe’s downturned face and the unfocused look in his eyes. Luz knew that Joe was in mourning, that he was allowed to be quiet and despondent and completely un-Joe Toye-like but it hurt Luz to see him like this. He needed his Joe back but what was the best way to get him back without forcing it?

 

“We should go get a drink or two. We could grab Bill, head over to Nix’s,” he suggested after a long moment of silence. Nix was a guy a couple years older than them, an alumni of their school, who apparently only had gotten a degree because his rich father said he wouldn’t get his inheritance money without some serious education. Story had it that after Nix got his degree and spent a whole year at some serious corporate job to prove to dad he was legit, his father gave him his hefty inheritance money. Almost immediately after the check cleared, Nix gave his boss his two weeks, bought a bar in town, and vowed to never put on a suit again. He and his buddies who ran the bar thankfully understood the plight of underage college students and were willing to sneak a couple drinks to them as long as they didn’t make too much of a scene in the bar. Also the fact that Nix’s friend Ron Speirs was dating Lipton definitely helped their cause in getting illegal drinks. The place had become a bit of a hangout spot after Ricky graduated and moved out of his ramshackle party house. “If there’s anyone who deserved a drink today it’s you. If-if you wanted to of course. If not I get it-”

 

“No, that sounds good,” Joe agreed as he straightened up, sounding much more like the regular Joe Toye while a softer look continued to linger in his deep eyes. “If we go now we’ll still make happy hour.”

 

“Great,” George exclaimed as he sprung off of the side of the bed, extremely grateful to have Joe sounding somewhat close to normal again. “Great, I’ll go let Bill know we’re headed out in five and-”

 

“Wait,” Joe ordered as he reached up and latched onto the tie that still hung from George’s neck.

 

“What’s-?”

 

Before George could get a complete sentence out, Joe tightened his grip on the piece of cloth and tugged George down until his lips met Joe’s.

 

It was different than Joe’s usual kisses. It was too soft, too gentle, too unlike Joe, whose kisses usually meant teeth and nails and bruises. Sure it made George feel almost weak with happiness but he couldn’t help but feel concerned. This wasn’t Joe. Joe didn’t do affectionate, not while sober anyhow.

 

When Joe tilted his head away he didn’t loosen his grip on George’s tie which meant that George was left in an awkward hunched position but he wasn’t about to complain, not when he was left looking straight into Joe’s eyes while they stared up at him with an emotion George couldn’t quite decipher. The question ‘What’s wrong’ almost slipped out of George’s mouth but thankfully he was able to keep the words under wraps; it was fucking obvious what was wrong with Joe.

 

“Thanks,” Joe said softly before he let go of Luz’s tie. “For everything.”

 

“What’re you talking about?” Luz asked as he straightened up.

 

“You and Bill… if it hadn’t been for you two, making sure I’ve been eating and sleeping and shit these past few months…” Joe trailed off. “I got a chance to thank Bill earlier. But not you.”

 

George blinked slowly while his mind buffered to process the sincerity of the moment. After the fog had cleared Luz grinned cheekily and said, “Well, I just hope you didn’t thank Bill the same way.”

 

Joe rolled his eyes and huffed a quiet laugh which in turn made George’s smile grow; any improvement Luz managed to make to Joe’s mood, any smile or laugh no matter how small, was a victory.

 

“Come on,” Luz said as he extended his hand out and helped to pull Joe upwards. “Bar’s awaiting.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Gotta lift with your fucking legs, Gonorrhea, come on,” George bitched as he tightened his grip on Joe’s arm before it slipped from around his shoulders again.

 

“’Lift with your legs’. What the fuck does that even mean?” Bill exclaimed, voice slurring slightly. “I’m using my fuckin’ arms.”

 

“It means that I’m doing all the fucking work hauling Joe’s heavy ass here while you talk my ear off instead of helping,” Luz snapped. “Grab his other side, alright?”

 

“‘can fuckin’ walk,” Joe slurred quietly as he continued to lean heavily against George’s side, very clearly heavily intoxicated.

 

“You can’t even stand up straight,” Luz sighed while he felt any buzz he had disappear through the effort and annoyance of getting two drunk people up a flight of stairs and into their apartment.

 

“Means we succeeded tonight,” Bill grinned.

 

Going to Nix’s had been a pretty good idea in Luz’s opinion. It loosened Joe up, made him feel more like his usual self, and by the end of it the three of them were cracking jokes like any other Saturday night before Joe’s mother got sick. Even though after several rounds of shots and a couple beers Joe appeared to be his usual drunken self, George kept a watchful eye on him the entire night. While Bill worked to match Joe drink for drink George nursed his beers and passed off his shots to Bill or Joe, knowing that at least one of them had to be somewhat close to sober in case shit went south and George’s master plan failed suddenly. But as things stood at the present moment, it appeared that Luz’s caution was unneeded. However, as the three of them stumbled to get up the stairs he was thankful he had the hindsight to go easy tonight. How the fuck would they have gotten up the stairs if all three of them were blackout drunk?

 

“Bill just give me your fucking keys,” Luz demanded once they finally made it to the desired apartment door. After the fifth time Bill had dropped the keys in his attempts to find the correct one, Luz’s patience was growing thin, not to mention that Joe’s dead weight was really starting to take its toll on George; if they didn’t manage to get into the apartment soon Luz was sure he’d end up dropping the poor guy on the hallway floor.

 

“’fuckin’ got it, Luz, calm down,” Bill snapped as he leaned against the door and put all of his focus into properly aligning the correct key with the slot in the door. “Not the first time I’ve been plastered. Have a little faith.”

 

With a twist of the key, the door flung open, sending Bill toppling to the floor. Luz roared with laughter.

 

“’Have a little faith’,” George repeated with a snort as he dragged Joe inside the dark apartment while Bill struggled to get himself upright once again. “Won’t judge you if you pass out on the floor Gonorrhea, we’ve all been there.”

 

“Not passin’ out,” Bill grumbled from where he laid resolutely on the floor. “’m just taking a breather.”

 

“Alright well, sweet dreams,” George sighed before he continued on towards Joe’s room.

 

Thankfully he was able to make inside of the room and flick on the light switch with minimal difficulty. George set Joe on the edge of the bed but once he let go of his arms Joe collapsed like a sack of potatoes.

 

“Alright, buddy, up and at ‘em,” Luz grumbled more to himself as he took hold of Joe’s hands and pulled him upright again, much to Joe’s displeasure. “Yeah I know you just want to lay down but you ain’t gonna sleep in your suit okay? The faster you get out of this monkey suit the sooner you can sleep.”

 

“Always so keen to get me outta my clothes,” Joe slurred as Luz tried to rid him of his suit jacket and tie.

 

“Uh, I think out of the two of us, getting people out of their clothes is more your department,” Luz commented as he unbuttoned the cuffs of Joe’s dress shirt.

 

“You gotta point,” Joe muttered before he reached up and pulled at the already half-undone tie that hung loosely around George’s neck until it slipped out of Luz’s shirt collar.

 

“Joe,” Luz sighed as Joe’s fingers, impressively nimble for how intoxicated he appeared to be, began to work at the buttons on George’s shirt.

 

“What?” Joe asked before he tightened his grip on George’s shirtfront and pulled him forwards until his mouth crashed ungracefully against Joe’s.

 

Joe’s movements were slow and sloppy from all the alcohol so it only took George a moment before he was able to break out of Joe’s grip. Unfortunately for him, Joe was still as determined and stubborn as ever, even when blackout drunk because after George shoved him away Joe returned undeterred to attack Luz’s now exposed neck.

 

“Keep it in your fucking pants, Joe,” George huffed as he moved out of Joe’s grip once again and told himself over and over inside of his head that it was wrong to let Joe do this while out of his fucking mind; George always had trouble telling Joe no when he got like this and now was the time George had to focus on what his brain was saying over his dick. “You’re drunk as a skunk.”

 

“So it’s only okay when we’re both drunk?” Joe slurred as he swayed slightly.

 

“Yeah… I guess,” George said with a frown.

 

“What about the times when neither of us are drunk?” he asked quietly, causing a shiver to run down George’s spine.

 

“That’s fine too,” George decided after a pause while he avoided looking Joe in the eye, instead choosing to focus on getting Joe’s dress shirt off of him. “Just not right to do it when one person is able to control themselves and the other can’t, ya know?”

 

“That a promise for a raincheck when we’re both on equal footin’?”

 

“Sure, Joe,” Luz agreed, unable to keep his face from heating up as he tossed Joe’s slightly crumpled dress shirt in the vague direction of his dirty laundry bin.

 

Quickly, Luz lowered himself to his knees and worked as fast as he could to remove Joe of his dress shoes, just in case he tried to pull something again. Thankfully within the time it took Luz to finish that task, Joe remained on his best behavior. When George reached out to undo Joe’s belt buckle, however, Joe started to talk again.

 

“It’s weird,” Joe mumbled while George unzipped Joe’s pants as casually as anyone could ever do something like that.

 

“What’s weird?”

 

“Realizing that she’s really gone,” Joe answered simply, stopping George in his movements all together.

 

“Joe,” Luz said softly, looking up at Joe from where he kneeled between Joe’s legs.

 

“Knew it was only a matter of time for a while…should be more prepared for this…” Joe continued his voice catching slightly around his words, sounding more like he was talking to himself instead of George.  “But ‘m not.”

 

“There’s no way to _really_ prepare for something like this, Joe,” George said as he placed a supportive hand on Joe’s knee. “It’s okay.”

 

Joe fell silent for a long moment but George didn’t go back to undressing Joe, didn’t move at all, just stayed where he was while he rubbed his thumb back and forth across Joe’s knee cap in a supportive gesture.

 

“She was… she was always so strong, old Ma,” Joe continued quietly, keeping his face downturned so that in the dim of the room it was difficult for George to see his eyes. “Had to be, raisin’ two boys on her own…workin’ night and day to put us through school, keep clothes on our backs… when she got sick… always kinda figured she’d beat it jus’ like everythin’ else in her life, even when she got real bad…”

 

“Joe,” Luz repeated, feeling his heart ache when he heard Joe’s voice break at the end.

 

Luz lifted the hand that rested on the edge of Joe’s bed and cupped Joe’s face, lifting it just enough so that George was able to look Joe in the eye again. The Joe Toye spark that was usually present in his dark eyes, the spark that had flickered in and out tonight after a few drinks, was gone, leaving only deep, hollow sadness in Joe’s eyes. This time when Joe moved to get a grip of Luz, George didn’t fight him, he let Joe grab onto his face, almost desperately, and pull him into a deep, burning kiss.

 

Nails dug into the soft skin on George’s face and teeth nipped at his mouth but George could also feel Joe’s body shake underneath his hands, could hear and feel Joe pant weakly in between kisses, not because he was running out of oxygen but because he was struggling to fight against the sobs that were already tearing through his body.

 

“Joe, Joe, stop,” Luz instructed gently as he moved back away from Joe; George carefully removed the hands that still clung to George’s face but kept them gripped tightly in his own as they fell into Joe’s lap. Joe tried half-heartedly to kiss him again but George stopped him by pressing his forehead against Joe’s. “You don’t need to keep up this act anymore. You don’t have to keep acting strong. Not now. Not in front of me. It’s okay.”

 

Joe shook his head weakly against George’s forehead before he let it slip away from George’s forehead to fall onto his shoulder. A beat later and the dam finally broke, turning Joe into a sobbing, shaking, grieving mess. Without hesitating George tightly wrapped his arms around Joe, thankful that Joe was finally letting some of his pain out after days and weeks and months of keeping everything buried deep inside.

 

Joe had been dry eyed at the funeral earlier today, hadn’t cried at the viewing yesterday, had seemed rather put together hours after his mother had died when George went to check up on him, had been keeping things together over several painful and stressful months. Now, however, alone with George in his dark bedroom, there was no reason to keep up an act.

 

“Shh, it’s okay, Joe,” Luz assured him as he ran his hands up and down Joe’s heaving back comfortingly. “It’s gonna be okay.”

 

George couldn’t tell how long it took- five minutes, ten minutes, twenty? –before Joe ran out of tears and was left shaking and hiccupping against George. Whenever that moment came, George carefully moved Joe away from him, gently wiped at Joe’s wet, red face, and slowly maneuvered Joe so that he was lying horizontal on his bed. Lying down, George was able to easily slip off Joe’s stiff dress pants and tossed them in the same direction he had thrown the dress shirt. Exhausted by the alcohol in his bloodstream and from the tears, Joe didn’t move while Luz pulled his messy sheets up and around him but once George made a step towards the bedroom door, his arm suddenly lunged out and latched onto George’s wrist.

 

“Don’t,” Joe said tiredly. “Just…will you stay?”

 

“Of course I’m staying,” George sighed. “You honestly think I’m gonna leave you alone like this?”

 

Joe’s grip on Luz’s wrist slackened but he didn’t take his hand back, not yet, not while his drunken, grief-stricken mind felt unsure about whether or not George would leave him.

 

“I’m just going to get you some water and some Aspirin, alright?” he explained. “Lord knows that you’re gonna need it in a couple of hours.”

 

George waited until Joe nodded before he felt it was alright to break out of his loose grip and head out into the main area of the apartment. As George walked into the kitchen, he noticed that thankfully Bill managed to pick himself off of the floor and into his own bed, or at least that’s what George assumed.

 

After Luz filled up a tall glass of water for Joe and grabbed the bottle of pills from the bathroom, he headed back to Joe’s room and found Joe hadn’t moved at all since George left. Without a word, George set the bottle and the glass within Joe’s reach on the bedside table before he began undressing himself until he was in his undershirt and boxers. When George crawled under the cool bedsheets, Joe immediately reached out for him and pulled him in tight against his chest, surprising George slightly.

 

Now George had spent many nights crammed into Joe’s tiny twin bed and knew that it was impossible for two grown men to fit in the bed without some level of skin contact. There was always someone’s arm thrown around someone, a leg wrapped around another leg, it was unavoidable. This however, was new. Joe didn’t cuddle, at least not to this degree, didn’t press George as tightly as he could against him or bury his lips into his hairline as he drifted off.

 

The affection made George feel conflicted. He couldn’t lie to himself when it came to this: he loved it. It made him feel loved, made him feel as if whatever the fuck was between them was more than just the occasional hook up, made George think that maybe he wasn’t the only one hiding feelings in this relationship. However, Luz couldn’t help but hate the affection, knew he was only getting it because Joe was drunk and grieving and so obviously in pain. It wasn’t fair.

 

Determined to enjoy the touch while he could get it, George readjusted himself slightly before he settled in for a long, deep sleep. He was just about to drift off into the peaceful, uncomplicated realm of sleep when he heard it, whispered against George’s forehead with dry lips.

 

“I love you.”

 

Feeling as if he had been suddenly hit by a lightning bolt, George’s eyes flew open as he propped himself so that he could better look at Joe, who was very clearly dead asleep at the moment.

 

For a long moment, George tried to tell himself that he had imagined it, that after the past few long and emotional days his mind was playing tricks on him, telling him what he wanted to hear. However, the longer Luz tried to tell himself that his mind was fucking with him, the stronger the feeling in his gut got that told him that what he had heard was real. And if George Luz had learned anything in life so far it was that he should always listen to his gut.

 

Joe Toye loved him.

 

After two years of pinning and keeping his true feelings under wraps while wondering what the fuck was going through Joe’s brain, George should have felt happy right? He should be feeling butterflies like they’re described in all the generic rom-coms Skinny loved to watch so much. No, instead of that he felt a painful sort of hollowness in his chest because he knew that Joe wouldn’t remember it in the morning, not after the bar; hell, Joe probably wouldn’t even remember the last hour or two of the bar with the way he and Bill were throwing them back.

 

George knew that many people wouldn’t hold onto something someone said while drunk but Luz was a firm believer that words spoken while drunk were the most honest words a person ever said. Joe loved him. Now that he had heard the words he was sure, somewhere inside of Joe’s mind, he knew that he loved George, even if he wouldn’t admit it sober.

 

Finally, after over a year of hookups and questions, George finally had an answer. Unfortunately for him, George didn’t know what to do with the information. As he lay wide awake with his chin resting on Joe’s chest George realized that he had two options, both of which were shitty. Luz could play dumb. He could try to forget what he had heard, keep those three little words locked deep inside his mind while he continued on with the act that their casual hookups were just that, casual hookups. The idea stung George but the alternative wasn’t much better. George could man up and tell Joe when he’s sober what he had said and let him know that the feeling was so very mutual. Luz wasn’t a complete idiot. He knew that bringing up Joe’s drunk ‘I love you’ slip wouldn’t end well. It would almost definitely end with Joe getting angry and lying, claiming the words didn’t mean anything because he was gone on cheap whisky and even cheaper beer. Worse than that, Luz feared that if he clued Joe in on both of their true feelings, he’d run the risk of ruining whatever meager relationship they had at the moment.

 

Would it really be worth it for George to tell Joe how he actually felt?

 

Luz stared up at Joe’s calm sleeping face and thought about how he probably wouldn’t get to see this again if he fessed up, wouldn’t get to pull Joe into a dark alley ways and kiss him until neither one of them had any air in their lungs, wouldn’t get to hear Joe’s warm honey voice whisper into his ear as they neared the end of a night out at Nix’s, asking if he wanted to get out of there and head back to one of their places.

_This is bullshit_ , George thought miserably while he curled tighter around Joe’s chest. _Why can’t this shit ever just be easy?_

 

Even though he knew he wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon now, George closed his eyes and settled for listening to the steady sound of Joe’s heartbeat.

 

“I love you too, Joe.”


	4. Twenty-one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2009, age 21…

* * *

 

For the tenth time since George arrived at his desired destination five minutes ago, George opened his phone and checked once again the agreed upon location, date, and time that had been confirmed in a text message from Joe, just in case the information somehow changed within the past twenty seconds. It was seven o’clock, right on the dot, on a Friday night, peak drink and dinner hour. People passed George by without a second glance, completely unaffected by him nervously chain-smoking through his pack of cigarettes while he wondered what the fuck he was doing.

 

Seriously, how the fuck did George get here- here being him standing in front of a decent restaurant/bar, dressed in his nicest flannel shirt, buttons buttoned all the way to the top with his hair smoothed down instead of left to its own devices like usual, chain-smoking and nervously checking his phone every five seconds while he waited for Joe to either fucking show up or text Luz that he wasn’t gonna make it because he chickened out on their date.

 

Because yes, this was a date. George Luz was actually going on a real date with Joe Toye, at seven at night at a place where normal people brought dates instead of some back alley at two in the morning after a night of too many drinks. Luz wasn’t sure whose fucking idea this was but with every passing second he spent standing by himself like an idiot out front he regretted the decision more and more.

 

It had all started about a week ago when Joe stopped by his place after he got back to Toccoa after snagging a week-long pass from Fort Benning where he was stationed. Nothing seemed different in the moment, it was fun, easy. It wasn’t until after they hooked up as Joe was redressing himself that things changed

_“Man that was fun. Glad we did that,” Joe commented as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, his dog tags making a small noise as they clanked together. “Been a while since I had fun like that. Not since I was back for that weekend in July.”_

_“What? Willing participants that hard to come by all the way at Benning?” George asked from where he laid on his messed up bed, propped up on one elbow while he smoked a cigarette._

_“Nah, it’s not that,” Joe shrugged before he started to try to pick out his pair of jeans from the mess of clothes on George’s bedroom floor. “It’s just…”_

_“Just what?”  George asked, genuinely curious._

_“Just doesn’t feel right, I guess,” Joe answered finally after he located his jeans and pulled them on. “Hooking up with other people…”_

_George hadn’t expected those words from Joe at all. After Joe finished with boot camp almost a year ago and after he got stationed a couple hours away at Fort Benning, he had managed a handful of visits up north back to Toccoa. Every time he managed to snag a pass from base, without fail they managed to meet up and hook up a couple of times during his stay. There weren’t questions about what they were doing anymore or what was the point of it, George had finally convinced himself to stop trying to get answers. It wasn’t worth the headache. Luz had finally accepted that they were casual, had a “friends with benefits” kind of deal and he told himself that he could work with that, even if underneath it all he still carried real feelings for Joe. When Joe was away, George didn’t hook up with anyone else, didn’t really have any desire for it even during those times when Joe was gone for a couple months and George was left feeling horny as hell. He knew he could find some random hook up at a bar around town, knew that he was allowed to since they were casual, but he never did. All this time George always figured that Joe was still getting his fix while he was away, whether it be a random hookup from someone around Benning or maybe even one of Joe’s fellow soldiers. It never occurred to Luz that Joe wasn’t hooking up with anyone else either._

_“You know you’re allowed to see other people, Joe,” George spoke up finally after a pause that was much too long to be casual._

_“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t fucking want to, Luz,” Joe admitted quietly as he forced his feet inside of his shoes, obviously in a hurry to get the fuck out of the room and the conversation._

_“Wait, Joe,” George called out as Joe picked up his jacket from the ground and headed towards the door. Miraculously Joe stopped but because Luz didn’t know how long he’d be willing to wait, he gathered his courage and plowed on while nerves ate away at his stomach. “I just… I don’t hook up with other people either…never have actually since we started doing this shit.”_

 

Going over the conversation over and over again, George wasn’t still quite sure how they went from admitting that neither of them hooked up with other people to agreeing to try and make this shit actually work like a normal relationship was supposed to. Luz thought that maybe it was Joe who suggested they go out to dinner before he had to head back to base and maybe it was George who asked if it was a real date, which spurred on the questions about how defined this relationship should be.

 

Now George was left standing outside a restaurant, waiting for Joe’s ass, while he tried to convince himself that this was a good idea.

_This is stupid. I’m an idiot,_ George told himself as he worked through his third cigarette. _This is gonna fuck everything over. Why are we trying to pull this shit?_

 

George checked his phone again when he thought he felt it vibrate with a new text message, possibly one from Joe telling him he wasn’t gonna go through with this or giving him some bullshit excuse to him why he couldn’t make it out but there was no new message on Luz’s phone.

 

“Come on,” George mumbled to himself as he looked at the time again; it was now ten after seven.

 

“Calm down, Luz,” said a very familiar voice that made George’s heart rate pick up. “Do you think so lowly of me that you think I’d stand you up?”

 

George looked up and watched as Joe walked confidently towards him, dressed to the fucking nines. Luz felt relief flood his body like a hot bath after a cold winter’s day. He was so pleased over Joe’s arrival he didn’t even mind when Joe stole the cigarette from between his lips and took a drag.

 

“You know it’s a bitch to park anywhere around here this time a day,” Joe bitched in explanation as to why he was late.

 

“That’s why I walked,” George responded as he stole back the cigarette.

 

“Was gonna walk but then I lost track of time and didn’t want to be late. But it didn’t fucking matter anyways since I’m still late.”

 

“Better late than never,” George decided as he handed Joe the cigarette and watched him finish it. “Come on, I’m starving.”

 

Unfortunately any confidence George felt about the date when they entered the restaurant had almost completely dissipated by the time they paid for their meal. Small talk was not Joe and George’s thing. Small talk over a nice dinner at a decent restaurant was definitely not their thing. Their thing was chilling in damp basements and playing darts, it was drinking too much at dive bars and going outside to smoke which turned into a quick hand job in an abandoned alleyway.

 

A nice date with Joe, them trying to be more defined in their relationship, it was all George had wanted for the past two years but now that he got it, he felt like shit. Maybe he and Joe shouldn’t date for real. Maybe they should just stick to what they knew and were good at, casual hookups and drunk make out sessions.

 

Joe, being the decent guy he was, offered to drive Luz back to his place, an offer George almost refused so that he could escape the heavy cloak of awkwardness he felt smothering him.  In the end, George accepted and was grateful when Joe immediately turned on the radio and turn up the music just high enough to halt any half-hearted attempts at conversation.

 

As Joe navigated through the congested streets, swearing and gesticulating wildly to everything and anything that slowed him down, George couldn’t help but think about how much this night changed things for them. Sure, they could go back, tell each other that trying to date was a mistake and return to hooking up whenever Joe was back in town but at the end of the day, George knew neither one of them could really forget that this happened. It didn’t help any that they really didn’t have any time to talk this over; tomorrow Joe would be back at Benning for another couple months with this mishap as the most recent memory to revisit until he got leave again. George was just beginning to consider offering road head, anything to make the elephant in the car shrink and disappear, when Joe was pulling into the parking lot for George’s apartment building.

 

Without a word Joe cut the engine, unbuckled his seatbelt, and opened the car door. Thinking that maybe there was still a way to fix the evening and send Joe off with a good memory of him, George scrambled out of the car and towards his building door.

 

“So, wanna quick drink?” Luz suggested easily as he pulled his key ring from his pants pocket and searched for the correct one. “I know Tab and Perc are both out still.”

 

“Sounds tempting but I really shouldn’t,” Joe declined. “I got a long drive in the morning and I need to leave early. If I’m not there by 1200 I’ll get my ass fucking reamed.”

 

“Come on, it’s just one drink,” George tried again.

 

“Yeah and when has one drink ever really been just one drink for us?” Joe asked, knowingly.

 

“Guess you got a point,” George sighed in defeat before he slotted the key into place and unlocked the door. “Hit me up whenever you’re back in town?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Joe promised.

 

“Well then I guess I’ll see ya when I see ya-”

 

“Wait,” Joe ordered, firm tone stopping George from opening the door and fleeing inside.

 

George prepared himself for Joe’s words but instead all he received was a callused hand in his hair and Joe’s mouth soft on his. Feeling something like butterflies floating in his stomach, George relaxed against the wood of his apartment door and allowed Joe to kiss him until he was breathless. As Joe moved away, Luz made one last weak attempt to get Joe inside by pulling on the front of his jacket but all he received was a low chuckle and a shake of the head.

 

“Any other night and I’d be happy to take you up on that offer, Luz,” Joe sighed, face still only an inch or two away from Luz’s. “Raincheck, alright? Promise.”

 

“I’m gonna hold you to your word,” George said as he let go of Joe’s jacket, allowing Joe to take a step away from George.

 

“Lucky for you my word is golden,” Joe insisted as he took another step away from George. “Next time I’m in town.”

 

“Alright, yeah, got it.”

 

“See ya, around, Luz.”

 

George stayed where he stood, pressed up against the door where Joe left him, and watched Joe walk down the hallway until he disappeared down the stairwell.

 

* * *

 

“Would you calm down, Luz, fuck,” Frank cried out from the kitchen table as he packed his heavy backpack with the necessary items to get him through his afternoon classes. “I can feel you shaking the floor from over here.”

 

George looked down at his knee and found it bouncing up and down like a jackhammer. Cursing quietly, Luz forced his knee to a halt before he grabbed the television remote and changed the channel in an attempt to find something that would better hold his attention.

 

“Ah, shut up, Perc,” George called out half-heartedly over his shoulder as he settled on some shitty MTV reality show.

 

Luz heard Frank yell something back but he had no clue what his friend said. He didn’t have a clue what the fuck the gaggle of overpaid clowns on his television set were doing either. All he knew was that Joe was currently enroute to Toccoa for the weekend and that he was gonna spend it crashing at Luz’s place. Last time Joe was in town they had had their disastrous date which George was still reeling from. Ever since then they managed to keep up their semi-regular text conversations and even though things seemed normal, George stayed stressed over wondering how Joe interpreted their last meeting.

 

“Yo, Luz. Luz!” Frank yelled repeatedly until George came back to the present again.

 

“What?”

 

“Let me know if you and Joe are gonna be, uh, indisposed when I get outta class,” Frank requested. “There are some things a guy just does not want to see or hear alright?”

 

“Why don’t you just get the fuck outta here, Frank,” George huffed, face feeling a little warmer than usual.

 

Luz sulked further into the couch and turned up the volume of the television as he heard the sound of the front door opening. A few moments later and the door open again but George didn’t hear Frank move back inside the apartment. He waited for Frank to move, to say something, but when it never came, George turned to peer over the back of the couch, curious about what the holdup was.

 

“Yo, Perc! What-”

 

The words died in George’s throat when he saw that instead of Frank standing in the open doorway he found Joe, smirking at him and looking better than ever.

 

“What…so they teaching you how to pick locks in the army are they?” George asked after a brief short circuiting in his brain.

 

“Not quite. Ran into Perc in the hallway and he was nice enough to let me in,” Joe explained as he closed the apartment door behind him.

 

Tamping down his reservations, George got up from the couch and crossed the distance to Joe, grinning like an idiot while he did it. There weren’t words, only Joe’s hands on his face, in his hair, on his chest, his hips, his ass while Joe’s mouth attacked George’s mouth, jaw, and neck hungrily, all the while George was left feeling delirious with relief and pleasure. He didn’t come back to himself until he felt his back hit the wall of the hallway with a loud ‘thunk’, followed by Joe’s low chuckling laugh.

 

“It’s good to see ya, Luz.”

 

“Yeah, same to you, Joe,” George said as he ran a hand through Joe’s close-cropped hair.

 

“So… how long we got?”

 

“Perco shouldn’t be back before five and I don’t know where the hell Tab’s at but after the shit I’ve heard coming from his room, I don’t care when the fuck he gets back here. He can kiss my ass.”

 

“Mmnn, not until after I’m done with you,” Joe growled before he tightened his hold on George’s hips and began leading him towards Luz’s bedroom. “I seem to remember something about a promise of ‘next time’ last time I was in town.”

 

* * *

 

Saturday afternoon found George laying stretched out on the living room couch, feet resting comfortably in Joe’s lap while they watched a string of classic 80’s action movies and ate shitty pizza, washing it down with a couple beers. It seemed a little strange to George that this time twenty-four hours ago George had been a mess, anxious about fucking up like last time when really they hadn’t been a goddamn thing to worry about after Joe stepped into his apartment yesterday. Truthfully, George would have been fine if the rest of Joe’s visit was spent here, the both of them in sweats and wrinkled t-shirts, and only ever leaving the peace of the apartment to go out onto the balcony to smoke. Unfortunately, Luz wasn’t the only person who Joe wanted to see in his brief time back in Toccoa so around dinner time, Luz and Joe along with Frank and Tab headed over to Nix’s to meet up with some of their friends.

 

“How you been, Joe?” Bill asked after they entered the bar, a gleeful smile wide on his face. Once Joe settled down on the empty barstool next to him, Bill turned forward and waved down the short, curly-haired bartender. “Yo, Welshie! Let’s get a shot and a beer for my buddy here!”

 

“Anything specific or should I surprise you?” the bartender asked, smiling so that the gap between his front teeth was visible.

 

“No surprises, Welsh,” Joe said firmly before Bill could respond. “Last time I had one of your concoctions I lost an entire night. Just a regular whiskey and a Miller.”

 

“Where’s your sense of adventure?”

 

After George got a drink of his own he slipped away from Joe for an hour or so, figuring that Joe had plenty of other people he wanted to see and talk to before he headed out again. Luz was in the middle of bitching about the travesty that was the Atlanta Braves game the night before with Skip and Malarkey when Joe came up to him, resting the hand not holding his beer on George’s lower back.

 

“What’s up?” George asked Joe quietly.

 

“You disappeared,” Joe answered, his thumb rubbing George’s back gently. “Wondered where you wondered off to.”

 

“Well you’re a pretty popular guy tonight, Joe,” George responded, slightly taken aback.

“Figured I would let some other people get a piece of Joe Toye before he ships out again.”

 

“How generous of you. Sure you ain’t just trying to run away from me?”

 

“Never,” George said honestly as he looked Joe in the eyes and felt his heart flutter.

 

For the next few hours, Joe hardly left George’s side. He was always present, a hand resting firmly on his lower back, an arm thrown casually around Luz’s shoulders, once or twice Joe even dared to brush his lips against the shell of George’s ear, passing it off as whispering in the noisiness of the bar. It was a surreal experience. George wasn’t exactly sure what had come over Joe to make him act like this but he knew he didn’t want it to stop.

 

At one point during the night, Joe slipped away to grab another drink just as George ran into his friend, Webster, who was a fellow journalism major.

 

“Nah, I haven’t scheduled for next semester yet,” George told Webster in-between their conversation of the better and worse professors in their department.

 

“You should try to get a class with Wright if you can manage,” Webster insisted. “He’s a little unorthodox but he’s a fair grader and he’s got some really interesting stories.”

 

“I could use a fair grader after the bullshit I’m going through this semester,” George sighed into his beer as Joe sidled up next to him once again, pressing his shoulder warmly against his own.

“Oh! Web, sorry, this is my buddy, Joe. Webster and me are in the same major.”

 

George felt Joe jerk away from his side as he shook Webster’s hand but instead of returning to Luz’s side, Joe muttered something about looking for Bill before he slipped back away into the crowd.

 

Once Luz finished his conversation with Webster and his beer, he headed back towards the bar in search of another drink and Joe. It had been almost an hour since Joe left him alone with Web and after spending so much of the party next to Luz, Joe’s lack of presence felt weird to George. Finally, after scouring the bar and asking around if anyone had seen Joe, George found Joe alone out back, working his way through a pack of Lucky Strikes based off of all the smoldering buds on the ground.

 

“There you are,” George sighed as he let the heavy door close behind him, shutting out all the loud noises from inside the bar. “You okay?”

 

“’m fine,” Joe grunted abruptly around his cigarette.

 

Luz moved until he stood next to Joe, shoulders and elbows brushing ever so slightly. George felt Joe jerk his arm away so that there was a solid inch or two of space in between them, causing George to frown. It was such a strong contrast from earlier when Joe could barely keep his hands off of him. Something was up.

 

“Hey,” George said softly, fighting the urge to reach out and touch Joe. “You sure you’re okay?”

 

“Just fuckin’ peachy, Luz,” Joe growled, eyes staring firmly at the brick wall in front of him. “Came out here for a little peace and quiet; think you can let a guy have that much?”

 

“Yeah,” George choked, stepping back quickly from Joe while it felt like something was constricting his throat. “Yeah, Joe, I…”

 

Feeling so suddenly unwanted and disliked, George’s words caught in his throat. Unsure of exactly what was the matter with Joe or what he had done to upset him in such a way, George did as Joe requested and headed back into the bar.

 

For the rest of the get-together, Joe stayed away from George. Luz watched the back door from his place at the bar until Joe came back inside and was unsurprised when Joe went to go sit by Malarkey and Skip on the other side of the bar. Feeling almost sick, George really just wanted to head back to his apartment and hide; he probably would have if not for the fact that Joe was crashing at his place tonight and it would probably be rude to leave without him. Hell, maybe Joe would decide he didn’t even want to stay the night with Luz; maybe whatever the hell crawled up Joe’s ass and made him pissed at Luz was enough to ask another one of their friends to crash on their couch.

 

“Hey,” Joe muttered as he came up behind Luz, kicking gently at one of the legs of his barstool in greeting.

 

“Hey,” George responded, surprised that Joe was acknowledging him at all.

 

“’m feeling like clearing out,” Joe explained. “You in? If not can I have your keys? Talked to Tab and Perco and they’re still up for staying longer.”

 

“I’m ready to go,” George said. “Just gimme a sec to take care of my tab, alright?”

 

“Be out front,” he grunted as he turned away and headed towards the exit.

 

After getting his tab straightened out, George only had to shake off a couple of drunk friends before he exited the bar and found Joe standing out front waiting for him. Without a word, Luz walked up to him and together they headed quietly down the street. Luz spent the entire walk home trying to decide when would be the best time to talk to Joe. Figuring it’d be best to do it back at his place instead of an empty sidewalk in the middle of the night, he resolved to wait. When they returned back at Luz’s empty apartment, Joe disappeared into the bathroom before George could even dare ask again. Knowing Joe could only hide in the bathroom so long, George changed out of his street clothes and back into his sweatpants and ratty t-shirt and waited outside in the hallway.

 

Honestly Luz expected Joe to head to the couch to sleep but instead Joe walked passed George and disappeared into his bedroom. Luz followed Joe inside and watched for a moment as Joe changed out of his jeans and t-shirt before he spoke.

 

“Joe,” Luz spoke up. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s fucking wrong,” Joe grumbled in a completely unconvincing manner as he lifted up the covers on half of George’s bed and crawled inside. “Just let me go to sleep, George. I’m fucking tired.”

 

“You are so full of shit, Joe,” George declared, feeling fed up with the sudden cold shoulder Joe was giving him. Knowing that there was no way to ease into this conversation, Luz reached out and yanked the blankets off of Joe. “Just tell me what the hell is the matter and then you can sleep, alright?” When Joe stayed on his side with his back to George, he pressed on. “We were fine earlier in the night, right? Everything seemed fine at least to me but then… did I…did I do something?”

 

Joe finally looked over his shoulder at George, his dark eyes cold. He was silent for a long moment before he finally sat up and locked eyes with George.

 

“Are we fucking dating or not, Luz?” Joe snapped, surprising George.

 

“What?” he stuttered while Joe got up from the bed so that he face Luz from the other side of the mattress.

 

“Earlier tonight when you introduced me to your friend you said I was just your _buddy_ ,” Joe explained, voice rising. “So am I just your _buddy_ , Luz? Because up until a couple hours ago I thought I was your fucking _boyfriend_ but if I’m not, please clue me in so I can know just how stupid I should feel.”

 

Luz was sure his jaw dropped at Joe’s words but he couldn’t find it in him to shut his mouth, he was too busy trying to digest everything Joe just said. Were they dating? George had been under the impression since they’re attempted date flopped that the both of them had dropped the idea of them being a thing. Thinking back, however, George never heard anything from Joe about wanting to go back to exclusively hooking up, never made any real indication that the offer to date for real was taken off of the table. Hell, maybe in Joe’s mind, that first date wasn’t such a shit show…maybe it was just George’s nerves and anxieties playing tricks on him.

 

As Luz came back to his senses, he noticed Joe staring at him with an intense expression, most likely because he was left waiting on such an important question.

 

“Sorry, Joe,” George said while he tried to restart his brain after it had so suddenly temporarily shut down. “I just… I just guess I wasn’t thinking when I spoke earlier. I’m sorry I… I didn’t mean it.”

 

“Pff, ‘wasn’t thinking’,” Joe huffed after a beat, still looking a little irritated but there was a definite improvement in his overall presence. “What the fuck else is new?”

 

“I’m sorry. You’re definitely just more than a friend to me, Joe,” George said earnestly before he felt an involuntary smile break out on his face. “You’re my boyfriend.”

 

The word seemed to have a similar effect on Joe. Luz could see a twitch in the corner of Joe’s mouth, obviously from him fighting the smile that wanted to come to his face while he was still so stubbornly determined to stay annoyed at Luz. Sighing heavily, Joe sagged slightly before he collapsed back onto the bed, eyes closed and so clearly ready to be done with this long night. George watched him for a moment before Joe cracked one of his eyes open and looked at Luz.

 

“So you just gonna stand there watching me all night like some kinda creep or are you gonna come down here and sleep?” Joe asked before he let his left arm flop out onto George’s side of the bed. “Come’ere would ya?”

 

Feeling giddy, George crawled under the covers and curled into Joe’s chest, sighing quietly when he felt Joe’s arm wrap around his back securely. Joe pressed his lips softly to George’s forehead and murmured a quick ‘night, Luz’ before he fell asleep. George followed soon after.

 

* * *

 

 George woke up what felt like minutes later to the sound of Joe’s phone alarm going off at an unreasonable volume. Whining slightly, George tightened his grip on Joe and buried his face in the crook of Joe’s neck.

 

“Gotta get up, Luz,” Joe muttered, voice rough from sleep.

 

“Why? It’s fucking ass-crack of dawn o’clock,” George grumbled as he squinted against the pale morning light that invaded his bedroom.

 

“You can go back to bed, Luz,” Joe said as he sat up, breaking out of George’s death grip in the process. “But if my ass isn’t on the road in an hour I’m gonna be scrubbing latrines for at least a week.”

 

“Nah,” George said as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, his hair sticking up in a dozen different directions. “I’m already awake. Might as well walk you to the door like a gentleman.”

 

Shivering slightly against the morning chill, Luz picked up one of many hoodies lying on the floor before he shuffled after Joe and into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee while Joe got ready. Luz had just gotten a cup of coffee ready just the way Joe liked it- black, two sugars –when he felt a warm hand slide easily under the fabric of the large hoodie and splay over his lower back.

 

“That for me?” Joe murmured as he rested his chin on top of George’s shoulder.

 

“Like I fucking drink black coffee,” George responded flatly before he handed the cup to Joe, who accepted it gratefully.

 

Yawning heavily, George turned so that his back was pressed against the counter with Joe’s arm still slung loosely around him.

 

“You hungry?” George asked as he rested his head softly against Joe’s chest, feeling for a moment as if he might fall asleep again right then and there.

 

“I’ll just grab something on the road. Besides, not sure if seven in the morning is a good time for a kitchen fire.”

 

“That was one fucking time, Joe,” Luz pointed out as he pulled his head away from Joe so that he could glare at him, or at least he tried to glare at him; this early in the morning George was sure it came off as something closer to a pout. “I can fucking cook.”

 

“Mmm, sure you can,” Joe said condescendingly before he brought the mug to his lips and gulped down most of the contents of the cup. Joe took a pause before he brought the mug back to his mouth and tipped it back until it was drained. As he set the mug on the kitchen counter, he glanced at the time on the clock on the microwave and frowned. “I should get going.”

 

“Already?” George asked while he felt desperation claw at his insides; it was too soon, Joe had barely been here at all, he couldn’t go, not yet.

 

“Best if I hit the road as soon as possible,” Joe explained; George took solace in the fact that he didn’t sound too pleased about it. “Knowing my luck there’s gonna be some accident or construction going on and I’ll get stuck in traffic and end up getting back to Benning after my pass is up.”

 

Luz allowed Joe to slip away from him for a brief moment to grab his bag from George’s bedroom. When he returned Luz followed him down the hall and towards the doorway. Joe reached out to unlock the front door but made no move to exit the apartment. Instead, Joe slipped a hand around the back of George’s neck and pulled him into a slow, warm kiss which left George breathless against the wall. Luz heard Joe chuckle quietly before he reached out and gave the cords of George’s hoodie a firm tug. Curious, George looked down and found that instead of wearing his college hoodie or his high school soccer hoodie or whatever, he was in Joe’s black army hoodie.

 

“Oh, shit,” George said before he made a move to take the material off. “Hold on a second-”

 

“Nah,” Joe decided as he placed a hand on one of George’s, stopping him in the process. “Keep it.”

 

“Really?”

 

Joe shrugged in response while he continued to tug and fiddle at the cords of his hoodie; clearly something was on his mind.

 

“What’s up?” George dared to ask.

 

“Just… might be a while until I can take off again,” Joe explained softly.

 

“Good,” Luz stated, earning a confused quirk from Joe’s eyebrows. “Sick of your ugly mug.”

 

“Yeah same to you,” Joe retorted, a small smile on his face. “One weekend of you was enough to last me a while.”

 

George laughed quietly at the fake insult before he fell silent again. He didn’t want Joe to go, knew Joe didn’t want to leave him either. It wasn’t fair. But George knew that Joe enjoyed being in the army, told him that he felt at home there, so Luz figured that as long as Joe was happy with his decision, George could survive right now with this set up: occasional weekend visits when he could snag a pass in between longer visits every couple months, in between all that there were texts and phone calls. It wasn’t the easiest arrangement out there but plenty of couple survived long distance; George was sure they could too.

 

“Well,” Joe sighed. “I gotta-”

 

“Go,” George finished with a bitter smile. “I know.”

 

Joe tilted his head down and kissed George one last time before he pulled out of George’s grip and stepped towards the door.

 

“See ya around, Luz,” he said as he opened the front door.

 

“See ya around, Joe.”

 


	5. Twenty-two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2010, age 22...

* * *

Luz knew that he should be asleep, knew that he should be blissfully happy, but for reasons that were equally as clear to him, Luz was wide awake and edging close to miserable and it had nothing to do with how loudly Joe was snoring next to him, dead asleep.

 

Joe was currently nearing the end of an extended leave back in Toccoa. He had spent the last two weeks shacked up at Luz’s place- the longest he had been back since he graduated boot camp –sleeping in Luz’s bed, relaxing on his couch, hanging out with Bill or Don or anyone whenever Luz was busy at work or classes. It was like a dream come true for George, to be able to come home to find Joe still there, to be able to have more than a scattered night or two at a time with Joe. He should be happy.

 

Unfortunately, the cost of a couple weeks spent away from base was a seven month stint overseas in the middle of a warzone.

 

Joe was getting deployed.

 

Joe had warned him several times that it might happen but the constant reminders didn’t make it any easier for George to accept when Joe called him up a few weeks ago and informed him that he had good news and bad news.

_“_ So what news do you want first _?” Joe’s voice crackled through the bad phone reception._ “Good or bad?”

_“Good,” Luz decided almost instantly while his stomach squirmed uncomfortably._

_“_ I’m gonna be back in Toccoa for a bit _,” Joe answered. “_ More than a bit. Couple weeks actually _.”_

_“Really?” Luz asked, his heart lifting. “_ Weeks _?”_

 

“Yeah, in about a month _,” Joe informed._

_Before Luz could fully wrap his mind around the idea of having Joe around him for so long, Joe spoke again, wiping away any warm feelings he got from the first bit of news._

_“_ Bad news: I’m getting sent to Iraq right after my leave is up. _”_

 

Luz tried to be rational, tried to tell himself that this wasn’t the same as when soldiers got sent overseas during WWII, that the number of casualties and wounds weren’t anywhere close to that scale nowadays, tried to tell himself the Joe would come home. However, Luz also knew that a lot of the guys who did come home didn’t come back exactly the same, even if they had never been wounded. No matter what George tried to tell himself to make himself feel better, it all just kept blowing up in his face.

 

Even when Luz managed to ignore the danger of it all for a few moments, Luz also couldn’t help but think about how seven months would be the longest they’ve ever been apart. A couple months apart here and there were hard enough when there were occasional phone calls, text messages, and emails in between the long breaks. Now they’d have only snail mail to bridge the gap.

 

Still feeling wide awake, Luz turned and looked at Joe, still dead asleep to the world and all of Luz’s late-night worrying.

_You’ve got_ how much _time left with him and you’re spending it like this_ , George thought to himself.

 

With a heavy sigh, Luz bridged the gap between them until his head rested squarely on Joe’s chest and had an arm wrapped around Joe’s middle. Joe grunted in his sleep before he loosely wrapped an arm around Luz’s back. With the sound of Joe’s steady heartbeat in his ear, Luz closed his eyes and wondered if sleep would ever come to him.

 

* * *

 

George never felt himself fall asleep but he must have dozed off at some point because the next thing he knew, the room was lit with the early morning sunlight and Joe was attempting to untangle Luz’s limbs from his own.

 

“You’re a goddamn octopus you know that?” Joe grumbled.

 

“Wouldn’t be so much of an issue if you slept in to a normal time like everyone else,” George responded groggily as he let Joe properly slide out of his bed. Feeling exhausted, George laid back down and curled tightly in on himself to keep himself warm in Joe’s absence.

 

“Told you, gotta get on the road early,” Joe responded as he searched through the clothes that covered George’s floor for the ones that were his. “Need to get to Atlanta before the traffic sets in.”

 

“Oh, right,” George mumbled dejectedly; he had forgotten. Joe would be spending most of his last week of leave in Atlanta with his brother.

 

“Hey,” Joe said as he paused in the middle of getting dressed, noticing George’s low mood. “I told you I’d be back here before my leave’s up.”

 

“I know,” Luz sighed before he pushed himself up on an elbow and forced a smile onto his face that he hoped came off as casual. “You’re a popular guy, Joe. Need to learn to share.”

 

“Yeah well, based off how well you share you sheets, I’d say you’ve got a long way to go before you’ve mastered sharing,” Joe quipped as he continued on with his dressing.

 

“I’m sharing my bed with you, ain’t that enough?”

 

“Again, I think you need to work on you definition of sharing because being shoved to the edge every night wasn’t exactly fifty-fifty, Luz.”

 

“It’s a twin what do you want from me?” Luz pointed out. “Laying on it by yourself you’re sleeping on the edge.”

 

“Fair point,” Joe decided, voice muffled as he pulled a fresh t-shirt over his head.

 

Once Joe was dressed and packed, Luz managed to convince Joe to stay long enough for him to make him a proper breakfast, anything to keep Joe longer, even if it was only another thirty minutes or so.

 

“Like I said, I’ll be back in a couple days,” Joe reminded him as he bent over to double check all of his belongings were packed away in his bag. “Won’t even feel like I’ve left.”

 

“Whatever you say, Joe,” Luz sighed as he leaned against the wall, feeling drained.

 

He knew that his voice came out heavy and tired but he couldn’t find it in him to care. So what if he couldn’t keep things light and happy for once? Was it such a crime for him to be so bummed over the fact that soon his boyfriend would be gone for over half a year?

 

“Hey,” Joe said as he straightened up and looked Luz in the eyes, “not like I wanna go either, Luz-.”

 

“I know-.”

 

“I would stay but I can’t leave without seeing Rick-”

 

“I get it, Joe,” Luz snapped before he felt himself suddenly deflate leaving him feeling exhausted. “…it just sucks is all.”

 

“Both of us knew this could happen when I signed up,” Joe reminded him as he placed a hand on Luz’s waist and took a step closer to him.

 

“I know,” Luz responded. “And I’m proud of you, Joe, I really am. It’s just…”

_Just wish you didn’t have to leave all the time, that I could see you for more than a couple days at a time. Just wish you didn’t have to leave and risk your life for the job you love… Just wish things could be different._

 

“Just sucks,” Luz sighed heavily, unable to think of a better word to sum up just how shitty he felt in that moment.

 

Joe didn’t seem to have any better words to say because next thing George knew, Joe was kissing him, one hand resting still on his waist while the other gripped almost painfully at the back of his neck.

 

“See you in a couple days,” Joe reassured him as he pulled away, his hand still tight on Luz’s neck.

 

“Tell Ricky I said ‘hey’,” Luz reminded him as Joe’s hands slipped away from him.

 

“Will do,” he said as he picked up his bag from the floor and slipped the strap over his shoulder.

 

There was one more quick kiss on the lips and then Joe was gone, leaving George alone.

 

* * *

 

Luz was dozing off in the middle of his Roman history lecture a few days later when his pocket pulsated with the arrival of a new text message. Desperate for something more interesting than listening his professor rattle on about Roman coins, Luz dug out his phone and felt his heart skip a beat when he saw who had text him: it was Joe.

**Joe: Wanna meet me at the diner in half an hour?**

 

Luz still had half an hour of this lecture left and another class after this but he couldn’t be bothered to care about his classes right now.

**Give me an hour I’m still in class** , Luz texted back. **Also when the fuck did you get back to Toccoa? I thought you weren’t coming back until tomorrow**

**Joe: Got in this morning. See you in an hour**

 

If Luz thought his lecture was bad before Joe texted him, it was torturous afterwards. The next half an hour was spent bouncing his leg and tapping his pencil impatiently- which most likely pissed off everyone sitting around him –while he stared at the clock, mentally begging it to move faster. Once the clock hit one o’clock, Luz was up and running out the door, even if his professor was still in the middle of making his last point.

 

Luz hurried off of campus and only bothered to stop at his apartment to drop off his school bag because it was on the way to the diner. When he walked into his apartment he half expected to find Joe’s bag sitting on the couch or in his room- Joe knew where they kept the spare key –but when Luz didn’t see it, he just figured he kept the bag in his truck. After a quick check on his appearance, Luz rushed back out the door and all but ran to get to the diner that was a few blocks away.

 

When Luz entered the near-empty diner later, Joe was already seated in their usual area, sipping on a cup of coffee. After a quick wave to the hostess, Luz made his way over to Joe and slid into the opposite side of the both.

 

“Hey there, stranger,” Luz greeted Joe with an uncontrollably large smile. “Long time no see.”

 

“Hey,” Joe responded with a half-smile before he eyed George’s windswept hair and noticed that he was slightly out of breath. “Did you run here?”

 

“What? No,” George lied before he grabbed a menu and changed the subject to what he should order.

 

All throughout their meal, Luz could see that something was on Joe’s mind; he was much quieter than usual and Luz had to keep repeating himself because Joe kept getting seemingly lost in his own thoughts. George didn’t bother to ask what was the matter; the guy was shipping out into a warzone soon, George was sure that despite the slight bravado Joe showed them all these past few weeks in reality he was probably much more nervous than he let on.

 

Luz had almost finished his meal when he noticed that Joe had stopped eating halfway through his meal and was now playing idly with one of his french-fries.

 

“Hey,” Luz said softly before he reached across the table and placed his hand on Joe’s unoccupied hand. “Not hungry?”

 

“Nah, I guess not,” Joe sighed as he let the now cold french-fry drop to the plate.

 

“Do you wanna talk about… about anything?” Luz offered.

 

They really hadn’t spoke about Joe’s upcoming deployment since Joe got back to Toccoa but maybe it would help Joe to feel better if they did.

 

“Yeah,” Joe decided as he leaned back in his seat, his hand slipping out from underneath George’s. “Yeah there is something I need to talk about.”

 

“Go ahead,” Luz said supportively. “Shoot.”

 

“It’s just that ever since I got my orders, I’ve been doing some thinking,” Joe started off as he stared into his half-full coffee cup. “And then when I was down in Atlanta I talked to Ricky and he helped me figure out some shit.”

 

“Oh yeah?” George responded as he picked at the last of his fries, feeling an air of foreboding drift over the two of them.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And what is it that you’ve figured out?” Luz asked casually, keeping his eyes averted from Joe.

 

A long pause followed George’s question. It was in that pause that George realized he didn’t want to hear whatever it was that Joe had to say, that he wished he hadn’t helped to rip the bandage off of whatever Joe was struggling to cover up. He also realized however that there was no going back now; he’d have to suck it up and deal with whatever came out of Joe’s mouth.

 

“I think it would be best if we take a break,” Joe finally explained. “Ya know, relationship wise.”

 

“Oh.”

 

It felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over him while the bottom of his stomach dropped out of his body. He didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say to that? Keeping his eyes downturned, George decided it would be best if he waited for Joe’s explanation. Hopefully Joe had an explanation…

 

“Hey it’s not like I really want to do it, Luz,” Joe started.

 

“Well then why are you saying we should anyways?” George asked stiffly, eyes still firmly set on his almost empty plate of food.

 

“Listen, long distance sucks and right now we’re doing it in the same fucking state. Imagine how hard it’s gonna be when we’re on other sides of the world and we’ll barely be able to talk.”

 

“So are all of the guys who are shipping out breaking up with their girlfriends right now too?” Luz asked bitterly.

 

“No-”

 

“Well then why are you doing this?”

 

“It’s like you just said Luz: the other guys got _girlfriends,_ ” Joe said angrily.

 

Confused, George finally looked up at Joe.

 

“I just got to thinking about DADT. You know, the whole ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ horseshit,” Joe elaborated.

 

“Oh,” Luz responded while he felt the puzzle pieces coming into place.

 

“Yeah. Fuckin’ ‘oh’,” Joe grumbled. “No one’s brought it up to me but I feel like some of the guys suspect something's up…they’re always talking about their girlfriends or hookups and shit. Two years in and some of them have bound to notice I never try to score when we go out. I’m sure a lot of them wouldn’t give a shit… some of them would probably be relieved to hear so they can stop worrying about me stealing their girlfriends.”

 

“Can you blame them?” Luz asked softly, surprised that he was able to smile at all at a time like this.

 

“Anyways… I know a lot of them wouldn’t care, they’re good guys, but maybe someone does. Maybe someone decides to be a piece of shit and report it and then-”

 

“Then you get tossed out on your ass.”

 

“Yeah,” Joe sighed. “And I still don’t know if I want to make a career out of this but fuck, I don’t want to get kicked out before I can make that decision for myself.”

 

“I get it,” George said with a nod; it hurt sure, but Luz understood that it was the best thing for Joe right now.

 

“And-fuck, George, I really don’t want to do this,” Joe continued, sounding exhausted. “You know I don’t really want us to break up, right?”

 

“Yeah, Joe,” Luz nodded.

 

“It’s just-”

 

“Hey, you don’t have to explain anymore, alright? I get it, really,” George said honestly. “It’s a shitty situation but I get it. I’m a big boy, Joe, I’ll heal.”

 

“And I mean, we don’t have to stop what we’ve got completely,” Joe suggested. “When I get back ya know, whenever I get back to Toccoa, we could go back to what we used to do. Hooking up worked for us.”

 

“Did it?” Luz asked coolly, suddenly feeling like his burger wasn’t sitting well at all.

 

“Yeah,” Joe responded. “It would be easier to just go back to that, don’t you think?”

 

“Um, no, Joe, I don’t think it would be easier,” Luz admitted after a beat while he returned to staring at his plate. “Not for me anyways.”

 

“Luz, you gotta admit it but our relationship is basically us hooking up whenever I can snag a pass,” Joe countered, looking confused. “What would be different?”

_What would be different,_ Luz thought to himself while he tried to calm the tornado of thoughts and emotions that was currently tearing through his brain. _What would be different? I wouldn’t get to kiss you in dark corners of crowded bars and you wouldn’t throw your arm around me when you noticed someone staring at me so that they knew I was taken. I wouldn’t have a guarantee that you’d stay with me and fall asleep next to me. I wouldn’t know if you’d still be there when I woke up. You’d slip out while I was asleep or leave with a laugh and a comment about how ‘last night was fun’ because hook ups don’t stay around to hang out or have breakfast together. We’d spend days alone, waiting for night to casually meet up with crowds of friends at a bar and we’d try to avoid each other while he drank until we were at an acceptable level of drunk so that in the morning we could blame everything that happened on that._

 

George wanted to say all of that to Joe, so that maybe he’d understand what Luz really felt but he didn’t, he couldn’t.

 

“What would be different?” Luz managed to choke out after a beat. “I would just be you fuck buddy again instead of your fucking boyfriend. And I’m sorry, Joe, but I can’t go back to being casual again not after…”

_Not after I’ve had the real thing_ , Luz thought painfully.

 

Knowing that he only had so much time until his composure cracked, Luz pulled out his wallet and pulled out enough bills to cover his meal before he slide out of the booth. He couldn’t look at Joe, he felt the veneer beginning to crack already, but he couldn’t leave everything on that note.

 

“Take care of yourself, Joe,” Luz said while he schooled his voice into something normal-sounding. “I really mean it.”

 

If Joe said anything in response, George didn’t hear it; all he could hear was the sound of blood rushing through his ears as he exited the diner as fast as he could manage.

 

Once out in the world again, Luz didn’t know where to go. He could go back to campus, if he ran he would have time to make it to his last class of the day, or he could go back to his place. Unable to decide on either option, George decided to wander the streets of Toccoa, hoping for something to help him get rid of the shitty feeling that ate away at his insides.

 

That something turned out to be, unsurprisingly, a bar. It didn’t matter to George that it was just after two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, he needed a drink and his apartment seemed way too far away for him right now.

 

“Double shot of Jack,” Luz ordered as he pulled out his wallet again so that he could get his card and flash the bartender his I.D.

 

“You want your tab open?” the man asked warily.

 

“Yeah,” Luz decided as he passed the man his card.

 

The second his drink was placed in front of him, Luz took a long drink from it, almost gulping down the whole thing in one go. Wincing slightly, Luz ignored the look he got from the bartender and focused on the warm, burning sensation that spread through his body and how it chipped away at the ache he felt in his chest. Luz brought the glass back to his mouth and drank from it again while he wondered just how many it would take until he couldn’t feel the ache anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

“I think you should take it easy, son,” the gruff barman suggested as he took away Luz’s empty glass and refused to fill it.

 

“’m fine,” Luz responded quietly, although even in his own drunk stupor he knew he didn’t sound very convincing.

 

“Little early to be in this sort of state,” the barman continued in a tone that made Luz think he was used to talking down drunks from the metaphorical ledge at three o’clock on a Tuesday. “You drive here?”

 

“No,” Luz answered after a pause; at least he was pretty sure he hadn’t driven there.

 

“Good, means I don’t have to try to wrestle any keys from you,” he muttered before he continued on in a louder, slower tone. “Do you have someone you could call to pick you up or do I gotta call you a cab so you don’t go stumbling off into traffic?”

 

Resting his forehead on the cool wood of the bar, Luz wracked his brain for who he could call, any name besides the one that kept rattling around his brain. When his brain refused to come up with any good answers, Luz pulled out his phone and fumbled through his contacts until he landed on a name and hit ‘send’.

_Ring…ring…ri-_

_“Luz? What’s up?”_

 

“Lip,” Luz responded, cringing when he heard the slurring in his voice; fuck he was a mess. “Lip, buddy…”

 

“ _Are you drunk?”_ Lip asked, voice a mix of exasperation and concern.

 

“Very,” Luz responded flatly, hoping that short responses would keep his voice from slurring too much.

_“George… it’s like,_ three o’clock _. On a_ Tuesday _. Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”_

 

“I know and, um, I had to skip.”

_“…are you okay?”_

 

Luz shook his head against the bar for a moment before he realized that Lipton could not see him.

 

“Not really, man,” Luz responded, his voice quiet.

_“Where are you at? Are you at your place?”_

 

“Nah, I’m… ‘m at some bar, I don’t know,” Luz muttered as he pushed himself up enough to rest his elbow against the bar and then prop his head up with the palm of his hand. “I’m sorry. Can you come pick me up? ‘s fine if you can’t-”

_“Of course I’ll come get you, George,”_ Lipton insisted. “ _What bar are you at?”_

 

“I’m…” Luz trailed off as he looked up at the barman. It took his drunken mind a moment or two to realize that he was motioned for Luz to give him the phone. Once Luz handed his phone over to the barman so he could properly direct Lip, Luz collapsed back on top of the bar while he waited for the alcohol in his system to take away whatever remaining consciousness he had left.  “Sorry,” Luz mumbled against his arm as the barman set the phone back down in front of him.

 

The barman responded with something that Luz didn’t quite catch before he set down a glass of ice water in front of him. Without any order, Luz sat up enough to sip at the water while he stared with unfocused eyes at the other side of the empty bar.

 

Luz wasn’t sure exactly how long it took for Lipton to show up but it must not have been long because he hadn’t even finished his glass of water by the time Lip came bounding into the bar, concern clear on his face.

 

“George, hey,” Lip greeted him carefully as he placed a firm hand on Luz’s shoulder. “Are you alright? What happened?”

 

“Joe broke up with me,” Luz responded flatly before he took another sip of his water. “Or maybe I broke us up… whatever. Point is, we’re not together anymore. ‘m kinda bummed about it.”

 

“Why’d you break up?” Lip asked quietly as he settled onto the empty barstool next to Luz, comforting hand still steady on Luz’s shoulder. “I thought you guys were fine.”

 

“We were,” Luz said with a shrug. “But…”

 

“But what?”

 

“Guess being on the other side of the world is a little too long distance for Joe,” Luz responded unclearly. “And it’s kinda illegal for us to be dating with him in the military… I get it… but still. Sucks.”

 

“George, I’m sorry,” Lip said earnestly. “That’s… that’s awful. But let’s get you out of here. You need some food, some more water. Let’s go back to my place. You can crash there tonight.”

 

For a moment, Luz was happy to crash at Lip’s place. It would be nice to be somewhere that didn’t remind him so much of Joe for a little while, somewhere Joe wouldn’t think to immediately look if he wanted to find him for some reason. However, right before Luz accepted his offer, he remembered who Lipton’s roommate was: Ron. Ron, his boyfriend, who he had been dating seriously for two years now and who Lip never had to second guess his relationship status with. Luz thought of how Lip and Ron didn’t have to hide their relationship from anyone, how they got to see each other every day…

 

“No,” Luz responded quietly while he felt an ugly amount of jealousy eat away at his stomach. “No, can you just take me home? Please.”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t really want you by yourself right now.”

 

“I’m drunk, not suicidal, Lip,” Luz snapped before he slid ungracefully from his barstool. “I’ll be fine I just… I just want to be alone for a bit. Okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, of course, George,” Lip conceded. “No problem.”

 

After Luz paid his bar tab- which he would definitely regret come morning when he sobered up some and checked his account balance –the two of them exited the bar and got into Lip’s car. Thankfully once Lip started the car he put on the radio and stayed silent; Luz really wasn’t in the talking mood right now.

 

“Do you need any help?” Lipton asked as he pulled the car in front of his apartment building.

 

“Think I can manage,” Luz said quietly without moving from his seat. “Thanks, Lip. Really.”

 

“Glad you called, I’m always happy to help.”

 

Luz unclipped his seatbelt and opened the car door but before he could fully exit the car, Lipton stopped him with reassuring words Luz was sure he had been holding in since Luz told him what happened.

 

“I know you’ll get through this, George,” Lipton said confidently. “You’re a tough guy.”

 

“Yeah, maybe eventually…” Luz responded heavily. “But I know that the foreseeable future is gonna fucking suck, Lip.”

 

This time Lip didn’t respond, didn’t try to say anything that might possibly make Luz feel better, and George knew it was because there wasn’t anything anyone could do or say that would make the ache he felt in his chest go away; if half a bottle of Jack couldn’t do it, some well-intentioned words definitely wouldn’t cut it.

 

“Thanks for the ride,” Luz muttered again before he slipped out of the car and stumbled slightly towards the entrance to his apartment building.

 

Thankfully when Luz unlocked his apartment door- after one or two failed attempts –he found it dim and silent, signaling to him that his roommates were out, probably still at their afternoon classes. He knew he should eat something, at the very least grab a glass of water so he wouldn’t feel so shitty later, but instead Luz headed straight for his room, determined to spend the rest of this shitty day in a blissfully unconscious state.

 

As Luz entered his dark bedroom, his foot caught on one of the many articles of clothing that littered his floor. Luckily even with so much alcohol pumping through his bloodstream, Luz managed to reach out and grab onto his dresser in time, preventing him from crashing to floor. Cursing, Luz pulled the offensive article off of his foot and inspected it. Luz took in the gold and white star and lettering on the black material and felt his heart sink.

It was Joe’s old Army hoodie he had given to Luz almost a year previously. Feeling sick, Luz quickly shoved it into the back of his closet before he collapsed fully clothed on top of his bed.

 

Burying his face into his pillow, Luz couldn’t help but notice the fact that it still smelled of Joe. For a moment he considered tossing it across the room but after another Luz clutched the pillow to his chest, hating how good it felt to trick his brain into thinking that Joe was near him for a few minutes.

 

He was miserable and unfortunately George was well aware of the fact that he would probably feel some level of miserable every day for the foreseeable future. Even if somehow George managed to get over Joe in record time he knew that as long as Joe was somewhere across the world Luz wouldn’t feel right.

 

Despite the fact that part of Luz’s mental anguish was forced by his own hand, he didn’t exactly regret it. Luz knew that they needed a clean break. He may still be young but he knew he was too old to keep playing these games with Joe. When it came to Joe and their relationship status, Luz knew that he wanted it all or nothing, even if the end result hurt him like a bitch.


	6. Twenty-three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2011, age 23…

“Still time to back out of it, Luz,” Frank said as he stared at George’s reflection in the bathroom mirror in front of him. “No one would blame ya.”

 

“Well at the rate that you’re moving the party's gonna be over by the time we get there,” Luz snapped from where he stood leaning against the doorway. “Pick up the pace, Perc! It’s Bill and Fran’s place not some red carpet event, who you tryna impress?”

 

“I dress to impress, Luz,” Frank said, pausing in his motions to turn and point at Luz with his favorite comb. “And then there’s you, who dresses to _depress_. Seriously bro, what are you wearing?”

 

“The fuck-?” Luz blurted out before he pulled at the soft, olive colored flannel he had thrown on over a navy t-shirt. “What’s wrong with this?”

 

“I mean, I’m not surprised- you’ve never exactly had class or style like me -but, come on, Luz. If anyone should be dressing to impress tonight it’s you.”

 

“Why?” Luz asked, confused.

 

“ _You’re seeing your ex!_ ” Frank exclaimed loudly and slowly. “It’s the first time you’ve seen Joe since you guys broke up! Gotta make sure you’re looking your best.”

 

“Frank,” Luz sighed with a roll of his eyes. “I’m fine. I don’t need to try and impress Joe, alright?”

 

“You say that now,” Frank insisted, “then you run into him and he’s come prepared and now you’re left looking dumb.”

 

“Or maybe he’s just gonna show up dressed normal and then I look like an idiot,” Luz countered flatly before he turned and headed down the hall to the living room.

 

“You ain’t even gonna button up that flannel?” Frank called out after him. “Maybe run a comb through that rat’s nest?”

 

“Nope!” Luz responded before he collapsed on top of the couch. “And if you’re not ready to go in five minutes I’m leaving without you!”

 

George heard Frank mutter something else but he couldn’t be bothered to try and decipher the message. Despite the brave front Luz put on for Frank, he couldn’t help but admit to himself that the idea of seeing Joe again made him nervous. It had been almost a year since Luz saw Joe and the last time they were face to face, things hadn’t exactly ended on the best of terms…

 

But now Joe was back in Toccoa for a bit and Bill and Frannie were throwing a party at their place for Joe, which meant that Luz needed to get out there and prove to everyone one of their friends just how fine he really was. Luz wasn’t an idiot. He knew that tonight would probably be mostly spent dodging concerned looks from well-meaning friends but at the same time, he felt like it would be worse if he didn’t attend at all. He knew Frank was right, that no one would blame him if he didn’t go, that he wouldn’t be the first person who ditched something to avoid seeing an ex, but really, despite the small bout of nerves he felt, George felt as if he was truly okay.

 

Sure, ever since the breakup, things hadn’t exactly been a cakewalk for George but over the last few months he felt like he had been making some real strides towards getting over Joe. He hadn’t gone on any dates yet but there had been a few brief hook ups here and there and even though he occasionally got that old pang of longing in the pit of his stomach, each time it returned it was softer and farther in between. Luz knew he still had a while to go before he was over Joe but hell, they had been together in some degree for over three years, it would take a little time to get over him.

 

“Frank! One minute warning!” George exclaimed as he checked the time on his wristwatch.

 

“No need to shout, Luz, I’m right fucking here,” Frank grumbled as he appeared behind the couch, shrugging on a Peacoat, his hair perfectly styled.

_Rat bastard always has to outshine everyone,_ Luz thought quietly as he pushed himself off of the couch.

 

“Oh _wow_ , only took you two hours to get ready this time, Perc,” Luz said in an exaggerated tone as he dramatically checked his watch, earning a shove from Frank in return.

 

“Enough, Luz,” Frank sighed as they exited the apartment and headed out into the chilly night air. “Now… you sure you’re really cool with all this?”

 

“Frank, if you ask me that _one more time_ I’m gonna fuck up your hair,” George threatened. “I swear _, I’m fine_.”

 

“Sorry, George, I’m just-”

 

“You’re just being a good friend and checking up on me, I get it. I appreciate it really,” Luz continued while he kept his eyes focused on the road ahead of them. “But you don’t need to mother me, Frank, alright? I got Lip for that.”

 

The walk from their apartment to Bill and Frannie’s house was a bit of a hike, what with them living on the opposite side of town from them. Sure, they could have driven but both Luz and Frank knew better than to risk it when it came to parties with their friends; many a time George had gone out with the intention of having a drink or two and wound up having to crash in someone’s living room because someone started shoving shots on him.

 

By the time they arrived at the house, the party was already in full swing. With people wandering from inside to the front porch and back again, music turned up so loud the house seemed to vibrate, and tons of alcohol flowing, it was way too reminiscent of all those parties thrown at Ricky’s house years ago.

 

Just like the party where he and Joe first met… where they first hooked up…

 

“Fucking Christ,” Luz growled under his breath as he began to climb the front steps.

 

“What was that?” Frank asked.

 

“Nothing, Perc,” George lied while he forced lightness into his voice.

 

Maybe his friends were right to worry. Maybe he wasn’t as put together as he thought he was. Maybe this really was too much too soon.

_Too late to back out now_ , Luz told himself as he glanced around the room and caught a couple of eyes staring at him. _Fuck, I need a drink._

 

As Luz weaved through the party, stopping here and there for a few seconds to say ‘hey’ to a friend, his eyes couldn’t help but search for Joe. When he talked to Joe- because he knew it had to be a when, not if. He had made that much clear to himself when he told himself he’d be attending this little get-together –he didn’t want it to be a surprise. Luz knew he’d need time to prepare, to figure out the best strategy. If Joe snuck up on him, especially while he was sober and with raw nerves, it was sure to be a disaster.

 

Thankfully, when Luz entered the kitchen there was no Joe, only Buck, Skip, and Skip’s girlfriend, Faye.

 

“Luz!” Buck cried just a little too loudly; by the volume of his voice and the pink color high in his cheeks, it was obvious the large man had already had a few. “Good to see ya, man! How you been?”

 

“Pretty good, Buck, pretty good,” Luz answered as he grabbed a beer from the counter before Buck pulled him into a tight, one-armed hug that was sure to leave bruises. “Law school still kicking your ass?”

 

“I think I’m giving it a fair fight,” Buck joked with a white, toothy grin.

 

“Good to hear,” Luz said before he took a long drink from his beer, almost desperate to get rid of the nerves that were starting to eat away at him. “And what about you two?” he asked as he turned to look at Skip and Faye. “When are you two finally gonna tie the knot? If you don’t do it soon I’m gonna lose money on the bet.”

 

“You guys bet money on when we’re gonna get married?” Skip asked slowly.

 

“Are you surprised though?” Faye asked with a smile.

 

“Hey, if you guys do it before twenty-five, I promise to give you some of my cut,” Luz offered.

 

“Oh really?” Faye inquired. “How much we talking here?”

 

Luz didn’t leave the safety of the kitchen until he was one and a half beers in and the feeling in his stomach had subsided to an almost invisible level. Almost immediately after he exited the kitchen, however, Luz felt his stomach dip suddenly, as if he had missed a step while going down an invisible flight of stairs, when he spotted Joe on the other side of the room. He was in the middle of some deep conversation with Babe and Malarkey, seemingly unaware of Luz’s presence.

 

Unable to resist the urge, George hid himself in the shadows for a moment before he took the chance and studied Joe. He looked a little thinner and his skin was a shade or two darker than the last time George saw him but he figured that that was to be expected after working so hard for so long in the middle of a desert. Luz couldn’t help but admit that the new color complimented him better than his usual tone…

_Get it together_ , Luz chided himself as he felt that muted feeling of longing rise up inside of him before he took another long pull from his can of beer.

 

All in all, Joe looked good. Healthy and strong with no outward signs that anything with him was amiss. It relieved Luz because dammit, even if they were broken up, Luz still spent the last few months wondering and worrying about Joe; it was unavoidable.

 

Still feeling a little too jittery to approach the man, Luz slipped to the other side of the party where he could see Lipton talking to Frank, unaware that there were a pair of eyes following him the entire time.

 

* * *

 

 

After Luz had two more beers and caught up with almost everyone at the party, he decided to slip outside to the deserted front porch for a smoke break. Unfortunately, he wasn’t the only person who thought it was a good time for a cigarette.

 

“Get the feeling you’re trying to dodge me tonight,” Joe said as the front door closed behind him.

 

Luz let the smoke of his cigarette burn his chest for a moment before he exhaled heavily. He couldn’t keep putting this off forever, could he?

 

“Nah, not dodging. You’re just a popular guy tonight, Joe,” Luz explained while mentally he praised himself for how relaxed his voice sounded. “Figured I’d just wait my turn like the adult that I am.”

 

“You an adult?” Joe snorted as he stopped about an arm’s length away from Luz. “Yeah right.”

 

Luz watched for a moment as Joe patted down his pants pockets before he searched his jacket pockets with a frown on his face. Chuckling slightly, Luz pulled his own pack out of his pants pocket and handed it to Joe with a fond smile on his face.

 

“Honestly, Joe, what would you do without me?”

 

“I’d have to go inside and bum a smoke off of someone else,” Joe responded before he took the pack gratefully.

 

For a few moments after that there was silence between them, the only noise coming from inside of the house. Standing there, side by side on the porch, with Luz’s heart hammering just slightly faster than normal with a small seed of longing eating at him, he felt like he might as well be nineteen again, trying to hide what he thought was an unrequited crush. It made Luz laugh quietly because fuck, he was twenty-three now, shouldn’t he be better than that by now?

 

“What’s so funny?” Joe asked.

 

“Ah, nothing,” Luz said quickly; that line of conversation was definitely the opposite of where Luz wanted to head with Joe right now.

 

Thankfully, Joe was able to steer their lack of conversation in a different direction.

 

“So, you still in school or…?” Joe asked through a small cloud of smoke.

 

“Nah, I graduated back in May,” Luz answered. “Can you believe they actually let me graduate?”

 

“Probably just let you through so that you would get out of their hair,” Joe suggested.

 

“Hey, compared to some of the kids they let graduate, I wasn’t that bad,” he said in defense.

 

“Just because you weren’t the _biggest_ pain in the ass doesn’t mean that you weren’t _still_ a pain in the ass, Luz.”

 

“Christ, and to think I almost missed you,” Luz muttered as he scrubbed at his face with his unoccupied hand.

 

“You missed me?” Joe asked quietly; Luz could feel the skin under his hand heat up but thankfully the dim light of the porch and his hand helped to hide his blush from Joe.

 

“I said _almost_ missed you, alright? Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

 

“Hmm,” Joe mumbled before he busied himself with tapping the excess ash off of the end of his cigarette. “So, what’re you doing then? I mean, now that you’re not in school?”

 

“Got an internship for some rag magazine that runs out of the next town over,” Luz answered as he gestured with his half-smoked cigarette in the general direction of the other town. “Still working nights at the campus radio station.”

 

“Still working the graveyard shift?” Joe asked.

 

“Nah, thankfully I’ve gained enough seniority at this point where I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore. Let the newbies deal with starting their shifts at midnight.”

 

“Ah, that was the worst,” Joe said with a fond smile on his face. “We’d go to Nix’s and you’d have to duck out at eleven-thirty or so, buzzed, so you could make your shift.”

 

“Yeah, and now when I’m getting off some poor kid is running into the office, clearly coming in from dollar mug night,” Luz finished with a smile.

 

“And you’re headed right over to take his place at the bar?”

 

“Damn straight,” he joked before he added, “Nah, not most nights. I usually have to go to my internship early in the morning.”

 

“Sucks,” Joe responded eloquently. “You get paid for that shit or…?”

 

“Nah, it’s unpaid. But it looks good on my resume and might lead to a real job so might as well stick with it for a bit.”

 

“Resumes, talks of real jobs? Hmm, maybe you are an adult now,” Joe teased.

 

“Oh, fuck off, Joe,” Luz said as he reached out automatically to shove the other man.

 

When Luz’s fingers made contact with the fabric of Joe’s jacket, he felt an almost electric sensation run up his arms. Fearing that somehow Joe felt it as well, George jerked his hand back but did so a little too quickly too come off as casual.

 

“So uh, how the Army treating you?” George asked quickly, trying his best to change the subject before either one of them could dwell on what had just happened. “You liking it still or…?”

 

“Yeah, it’s treating me pretty well,” Joe said as he turned to lean his back against the porch railing. “Got promoted to Corporal recently.”

 

“Eyy, congrats man,” Luz exclaimed. “I mean it, really. That’s great.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“So… you think you’ll keep at it once you’re enlistments up?” Luz asked as he flicked his cigarette bud towards the sidewalk, focusing on hitting a specific square of pavement so that he wouldn’t have to see Joe’s reaction.

 

“I might,” Joe answered after a brief pause. “Still got a couple years left before I gotta make that decision though.”

 

George nodded but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure what else to say. This superficial catching up was fine but now that the easiest of topics had been exhausted, Luz could feel that telltale panic creep up inside him once again. Unsure of what else to do, Luz grabbed a fresh cigarette and lit it before he noticed Joe had finished his own and offered him the pack again. With a small muttered ‘thanks’, Joe lit up again and together they smoked quietly in silence.

_If neither one of us can think of anything to say by the time these smokes are up, it’d totally be fair to duck back inside, right?_ Luz asked himself as he wracked his brain for safe conversation topics. Five minutes of amicable conversation with an ex was a pretty big accomplishment, right?

 

“Eyy, assholes!” Bill’s loud voice rang out from behind them. “Buck found my dart board and wants to try to swindle some pocket money. We need two more people? You guys in?”

 

Luz glanced at Joe and found the other man already staring at Luz. A smile pulled at the corners of George’s mouth as he thought about what happened the last time he and Buck were darts partners.

 

“Sure, I’m in,” Luz declared. “But I’m callin’ Buck as my partner.”

 

“Oh fuck that,” Joe said with a roll of his eyes as Luz’s grin grew. “That’s like fuckin’ baking soda and vinegar, recipe for disaster.”

 

“Uh, maybe for your wallet, Joe, but for everyone else I think it’ll be a recipe for a good fucking time. Besides, now you can finally have your precious rematch you’ve been bitching about for years!”

 

“I have not been bitching-”

 

“You’ve bitched a little-”

 

“Yeah, ‘cus you and Buck stole my smokes!”

 

“Stole? Or outsmarted?” Luz countered with a smirk on his face. “Sometimes you just gotta admit your own mistakes, Joe, be the bigger person.”

 

“Okay well, whoever is on whoever’s team, I say that you two are not allowed to be on each other’s teams,” Bill decided with a sigh before he made a motion for them to follow him inside. “Now come, ya idiots. We’re letting the cold in.”

 

Luz took one last drag from his cigarette before he crushed it against the wooden porch railing and flicked it in the general direction of his other cigarette bud.

 

“You’re going down, Toye,” George declared with a shit eating grin.

 

“Like hell I am,” Joe fought back as he followed behind Luz into the house. “As long as we’re playing fair, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

 

“Sure, keep telling yourself that!”

 

As the three of them cut through the living room to get to where Buck had set up the dartboard in the den, Luz thought that maybe, just maybe, this might all work itself out in the end. Luz just had to give it a little time.


	7. Twenty-four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2012, age 24…

* * *

 

It was days like today that made George seriously consider giving up drinking for the rest of his life. Ignoring the fact that he was more hungover than he could remember being in recent memory, if it hadn’t been for alcohol, George would most likely be alone and asleep in his bed right now. As thing were, however, George was awake and painfully aware that he was not the only person in his bed.

 

Luz turned his head, wincing slightly at the ache that came with the movement, and took another long look at the figure snoring next to him, because maybe if he looked again he’d find that it had only been a hallucination formed by his killer hangover. Unfortunately, however, no matter many time Luz tried to blink the problem away, Joe’s body stayed firmly in place just an inch or two away from him.

_I am so fucked_ , Luz thought miserably as he forced his head to turn so he stared at the off-white of his ceiling instead of the familiar and tanned back of Joe Toye.

 

“Fucking, Babe and those tequila shots,” Luz cursed quietly as his mind drifted to the night before.

 

It had been another get-together at Bill and Fran’s place that got them together once again. About six months ago, Joe got deployed again for a short stint overseas and just like last time, he was welcomed back to Toccoa with a party hosted by Bill.

 

Luz, feeling confident based off of how their interactions at the last party went, attended the party last night without even feeling remotely nervous. Honestly, if someone would have asked him last night if he thought he was over Joe, Luz would have probably said ‘yes’. He had gone a couple dates, hooked up a couple of times, and when he saw Joe last night, he felt fine.

 

If someone were to asked him if he felt over Joe now, however…

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_ , Luz cursed at himself.

_Of course_ this would happen to him; the universe was always so keen to fuck him over. Or, maybe to put it more accurately, a bottle of tequila was always ready to fuck him over.

 

His memories from the first half of the party were relatively clear, seeing as he had only been drinking beer then. Luz remembered conversations with a number of people, smoking out on the porch, and getting into a rather extensive flip-cup tournament in Bill’s living room with Joe being one of Luz’s competitors. One of the last clear memories Luz had at his disposal was when Babe pulled out a brown paper bag from his coat pocket and revealed to them an unopened bottle of tequila. After that, everything in Luz’s memory went hazy and unsurprisingly enough, the few half-discernable memories he had he was in Joe’s company.

 

He remembered Joe sitting next to him on the floor, their shoulders pressed against each other while Joe laughed at something someone said, he remembered Joe throwing an arm around his shoulders and bringing him in close, close enough that his lips brushed the side of his face when he slurred something into his ear. Luz remembered the two of them stumbling down the deserted sidewalks around town alone, struggling to keep each other upright while they laughed uncontrollably about something; he had no memory of anyone trying to stop them from heading out together. Maybe they slipped out without anyone realizing. Maybe no one saw and issue with them leaving together.

 

After they made it back to Luz’s apartment, the memories started to deteriorate and instead of mental images, Luz was left with ghosts of contact. He could still recall the scratch of Joe’s stubble against his jaw, the cool sensation of the wall pressed against his bare back, blunt fingernails digging into his hip.

_Well… what the hell are you gonna do now?_

 

For a moment or two, Luz’s mind drifted back years into the past, when he and Joe hooked up accidentally on the regular. Back then there had been a moment or two of awkwardness after they both woke up but after a few minutes one of them was offering breakfast plans or cracking jokes.

 

Maybe, just maybe, they could be like that again…

 

They could head over to the diner that was a couple blocks away and eat bacon and eggs and coffee until their hangovers subsided to a more manageable level. Maybe they’d be able to talk about what happened…maybe they could talk about them.

 

A feeling of hope fluttered inside of George when he realized that Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell had been repealed over a year ago. If Joe didn’t run the risk of getting discharged for dating him, maybe they’d be able to make another go of them, because despite everything Luz tried to do over the years to get of Joe, clearly none of it worked. No matter what Luz tried to do, at the end of the day, he was still crazy for the guy.

_We could do this,_ Luz thought as he closed his eyes and felt a soft smile come to his face. _We did long distance before… we could do it again. It wouldn’t be that bad._

 

With positive thoughts in mind, Luz felt himself begin to drift off. Before he could fully fall back asleep again, he was roused by Joe moving next to him. Luz opened his eyes and watched as Joe sprung from the bed and instantly began searching the floor for clothes that fit him.

 

“Joe,” Luz said as he watched the man almost frantically pull on a pair of jeans that George was pretty sure belonged to him. _“Joe_ ,” he tried again when Joe didn’t respond, made no indication that he had heard him.

 

Feeling a mix of frustration, desperation, and possibly fear spin in the pit of his stomach, Luz reached out to Joe, his fingers managing to brush Joe’s bicep before he jerked it out of his grip. It felt like a punch in the gut.

 

“Joe, dammit- _wait!”_ Luz yelled as Joe picked up his shoes from the ground and burst out of his room, dressed in only a pair of jeans with the rest of his belongings held messily in his arms.

 

Luz almost got up to run after him. Almost. He had two feet on the ground when he heard the front door of his apartment slam, sending a piercing ache straight to Luz’s temple which was overshadowed by the ache he felt in his chest. Feeling all of the energy drain out of his body, Luz pushed the idea of getting dressed and chasing down Joe out of his mind before he collapsed back on top of his bed.

 

Joe didn’t wanna fucking talk about what happened like a couple adults? Fucking fine. Luz wasn’t gonna force him to have that conversation and he didn’t have the energy to deal with that bullshit anyways. Trying to get Joe to talk about his feelings and their relationship or lack thereof was like pulling teeth and after all these years of their weird back and forth, Luz finally had to accept that he was shit at dentistry.

 

As the sound of the front door slamming rang in his ears, George was acutely aware of two things: firstly, between the hangover from hell and the hollow ache in Luz’s chest, he was pretty sure he had never felt shittier in his entire life than he did in that moment and secondly, Luz knew that without a shadow of a doubt that he was completely and undeniably in love with Joe Toye. George knew that it had to be true because he was sure that the ache in his chest wouldn’t hurt so much if what he felt for Joe was anything less than love.


	8. Twenty-five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2013, age 25…

* * *

“Nngghh, fuck,” Luz groaned as he readjusted the fabric strap of his overstuffed duffle bag before it dug too deep into the flesh of his shoulder. “Like a fucking body bag.”

 

“Yo, Luz, thought you said you were packing light?” Babe called out to him from where he stood, leaning against Luz’s Jeep, unbothered by Luz’s struggling down the front steps of his apartment building.

 

“The more clothes I bring the less I gotta waste time and money washing them,” Luz responded as he wobbled slightly down the stairs, the heaviness of his duffle making him feel off balance. “And I thought you all said you were coming by to help?”

 

“We are here to help,” Skinny retorted without looking up from his phone. “We’re here to give moral support. Leaving town is a huge change. You need emotional support.”

 

“That’s where we come in,” Babe finished.

 

“I’m truly touched,” Luz said flatly.

 

“Here, George, lemme help you with that,” Lip offered as he stepped up and helped Luz to ease his duffle into the back of his Jeep next to the rest of his belongings.

 

“Thanks, Lip.”

 

“No problem,” Lipton responded as he shut the back of George’s Jeep. “Happy to help.”

 

“At least that makes one person,” George said pointedly as he looked around at his group of friends as they stared at their phones. “Assholes.”

 

“Hey, I never agree to help, I just live here,” Frank clarified.

 

“Yeah and you could’ve just stayed inside but instead you came out to watch and not help,” George snapped. “Because that’s so much better, Frank.”

 

“Yeah well… I’m still kinda pissed at you,” Perconte admitted with a quiet grumble.

 

“Why? Because I’m leaving?” Luz asked, slightly surprised by this admission. “Not like I’m leaving you high and dry, Perc. Got that kid Janovec to sublet for the year.”

 

“Okay but I still don’t even really know this kid, Luz, what if he’s fucking weird?”

 

“And what? Your current roommate isn’t fucking weird?” Skinny asked; George gave him a half-hearted middle finger in response.

 

“Just don’t see why you gotta clear outta here for a whole year, Luz,” Frank continued.

 

“Because that’s what the job is, Frank,” Luz explained for what felt like the hundredth time since he broke the news to his best friend and roommate.

 

“Still don’t get why you even took that job,” Frank continued to pout. “Seems like a bit of a shitty deal if you ask me.”

 

“Just cus you have a phobia of cheap motel rooms doesn’t mean everyone does, Perc,” Babe teased.

 

“I told you, Perc, I just need to travel, branch out a bit, find myself ya know? The usual quarter-life crisis bullshit,” Luz reiterated.

 

“Not to mention such a big project will look good on George’s resume,” Lipton pointed out.

 

“Ah, see, there ya go, Perc. I’m thinking about my career. Can’t hate on me for that,” Luz exclaimed before he reached out and gripped Frank’s shoulder firmly. “Now quit your bitching. I promise if Janovec turns out to be a total freak I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“As long as he doesn’t kill me in my sleep,” Frank muttered.

 

“Jesus Christ, Frank, would you quit being so damn overdramatic? Everything’s gonna work out fine, promise. Next year will pass by in a blink of the eye and before you know it, I’ll be back in Toccoa, pissing you off as per usual.”

 

“Yeah, sure whatever,” Frank mumbled.

 

“Aww, guys, I think Perc is gonna miss me!” Luz exclaimed with a wide smile as he gave Frank’s shoulder a strong shake.

 

“No I’m not! Glad to be rid of you and your crusty fuckin’ socks,” Frank retorted, convincing no one.

 

“Oh, you’re so full of shit,” Luz said fondly before he pulled the other man into a deep hug. “I’ll miss you, Perc.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Luz. Just like-”

 

“I know, I know. Just like the plague,” Luz finished for him with a small laugh.

 

“We’re all gonna miss ya, Luz,” Skinny admitted once the two friends broke apart. “Toccoa won’t be the same without you.”

 

“Not like I’m dying, Skinny,” Luz huffed before he walked over and embraced him. “Just going on a bit of a trip. Be back before you know it.”

 

“Kinda jealous of you, Luz,” Babe admitted as he accepted a hug from Luz. “Wish I could just take off a year to fuck around the country.”

 

“I’m not fucking around the country, Babe, I’m on assignment,” Luz huffed with a laugh. “I’ll be working.”

 

“Yeah, one big road trip. Sounds like a lot of work,” Babe said skeptically.

 

“You sure about this, George,” Lipton asked once Luz reached him.

 

“Little late to back out of it now, don’t you think?”

 

“Just making sure you’ve thought this through,” Lipton said as he pulled George into a hug.

 

“You can’t stop mothering, Lip, I’m sure about this,” Luz reassured his friend. “I really just need a break. Need to get out of Toccoa for a while. This will do me some good.”

 

At least, Luz hoped that this would do him so good.

 

Until recently, he hadn’t had any plans on leaving Toccoa for the foreseeable future. It was a good town, he had a good job here, weather wasn’t too shitty, and a number of his friends still lived here or in the area. Why would he leave?

 

It had taken Joe walking out on him after their last hook up for him to start to realize that maybe he should clear out of town for a bit.

 

It hadn’t been a sudden change of heart but over the past few months, George realized that if he were to ever truly get over Joe, he had to leave Toccoa, at least temporarily. Every time Joe rolled back into town, he ran the risk of slipping up again, eliminating any progress Luz managed to make. So as long as Luz stayed put in the town he loved, he’d never manage to properly get over the man that he still loved.

 

Luz’s escape from Toccoa came in the shape of a job offer. The rag of a magazine that George interned for, in an attempt to get more readers, decided to try to create a column based off of the likes of the late, great Ernie Pyle. The assignment would take around a year to cover and the point would be to travel from state to state, find weird, lost corners of America and report on them.

 

Not many people were willing to up and leave town and spend the next year of their life split between their car and subpar motel rooms while they reported on the World’s Largest Ball of Twine or a Beer Can folk art museum but in Luz’s mind, this was exactly what he needed.

 

He just needed a goddamn break from it all.

 

“Well, alright then,” Lipton conceded as he gave Luz a quick clap on the back before he stepped back and allowed Luz to open his car door and climb inside. “Don’t be a stranger if you’re in the area.”

 

“Yeah, if you need something strange to report on in Georgia I’m sure you could just swing by Babe’s place and check out what the fuck ever is growing inside his fridge,” Skinny offered.

 

“It’s an experiment okay?” Babe said in defense.

 

“What the hell kind of experiment are you doing?” Frank asked. “Trying to make home-grown penicillin?”

 

“You know homemade gifts are always nice but I don’t know if Eugene would appreciate that as a gift, Babe,” Lipton quipped.

 

“Aaannnd, this is where I take my leave,” Luz declared as pulled his pair of sunglasses from the sun visor and started up the engine of his Jeep. “See you assholes around.”

 

“We mean it, Luz, stop by when you can,” Frank said as he took a step away from the car. “We’ll miss laughing at your ugly mug.”

 

“Yeah, man, of course,” Luz said quietly as his thumbs tapped away on his steering wheel. “I’ll definitely try.”

 

With a parting wave and an obnoxious honk of his car horn, Luz shifted his Jeep into drive and pulled away from the curb. As he glanced at his friends in the rearview mirror he knew inside that until this assignment was up, Luz wouldn’t step foot back in Toccoa. If Luz had learned anything in life so far, it was that sometimes you just really needed a good, clean break. Even though Luz loved this town with all his heart, right now it just had too many messy ties to things he needed to put behind him.

 

As George pulled onto the highway that would take him to his first destination, he hoped that the next time he was headed back the familiar sights and sounds of Toccoa, he’d  managed to make the changes necessary to move on in life.

_A lot can happen in a year…_


	9. Twenty-six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2014, age 26…

* * *

After all of the generic motel rooms Luz had experienced over the past year, he felt confident enough to navigate this new motel room without even bothering to turn on the light. The rooms were all the same, always a bedside table of some sort right next to the bed he’d have to watch out for, possibly a standing lamp or maybe an ironing board. Luz let his duffle and laptop bag drop to the floor just a few steps into the room with little regard for the safety of the items inside before he shuffled across the slightly matted carpet until his shins his the edge of the bed. Too exhausted to wonder about the state of the motel bedsheets, Luz collapsed face first on top of it.

 

Luz hadn’t planned on stopping here tonight. His original plan was to drive straight from Texarkana to Nashville so that he could get a full day's rest before he was scheduled to meet with the curator of the Johnny Cash Museum but about halfway through his journey he started to fall asleep at the wheel and had to stop at this fleabag motel just outside of Memphis.

 

The last week or so, Luz had been running himself ragged while he attempted to get the last dozen or so assignments done. He still had about two months left until his job was officially completed but after almost a year on the road and about a hundred motel rooms under his belt, Luz was desperate to stop moving and sleep in a bed where he knew where the sheets had been. George figured if he could visit the last few locations back to back to back, he could return to Toccoa a month or so early and type everything up in the comfort of his own apartment.

 

George used his last ounces of energy to kick off his shoes and to set a handful of alarms to wake him up sometime around sunrise before he pulled a slightly lumpy pillow towards him and buried his face in it so that he could block out the dying orange rays of sunset that snuck into the room from under the curtains. He was asleep within a minute.

 

* * *

_Brrppp…brrppp…_

 

“Hnngg,” Luz whined groggily as his phone pulsated against his thigh, forcing him out of his desperately needed rest.

 

Figuring it was his boss, calling to ask where the fuck he was now, Luz struggled to get the phone out of his pocket so that he could answer it. In the now pitch-black room, the illuminated screen blinded George; wincing against the white light, Luz answered the phone with his face still mostly pressed into the pillow.

 

“’eah, ’sup?” Luz asked while he tried to force his groggy brain to wake up.

 

“ _Hey, Luz,”_ responded a familiar voice that definitely did not belong to his boss, which threw his slow mind for a loop as it struggle to place the voice with the face.

_Lip_ , Luz’s mind finally realized.

 

“Oh, hey, Lip,” Luz responded before he blinked and red the glowing three numbers of the motel room alarm clock set up a foot away from him; it was just after one in the morning.

 

If it were any of his other friends calling up at one in the morning, Luz would have just automatically assumed they were drunk and bored but seeing as this was Lip, Luz wasn’t so sure it was something as simple as that.

 

“Ya know, it’s great hearing from you, Lip, I really mean it, but it’s one in the morning and I’ve been driving for like three days straight, can this wait until the morning? I’m kinda fried.”

_“I’m sorry but I don’t think it should, George,”_ Lip’s careful voice crackled through his phone. _“It’s about Joe.”_

 

Never in his life had Luz gone from asleep to wide awake faster than he did in that moment. It felt like he had been struck by lightning. George could feel his heart pound inside of his chest and could tell that his body had broken out in a cold sweat. Luz sat up in his rented bed and stared blankly into the darkness while he listened to the sound of blood rushing through his ears.

 

Last time George heard, Joe shipped off a few months ago for another tour and George was wise enough to know that no call made at one in the morning was ever good; good things could wait until morning but bad things, the worst things…they needed to be put out into the open as soon as possible.

 

“W-what, uh…what happened,” George struggled to ask with his suddenly dry mouth. “Is…is Joe…?”

 

He couldn’t even get the words out.

_“Joe’s alive,”_ Lip answered quietly.

 

Those two words had such an effect on George, he almost felt dizzy with relief. Sure, whatever came next definitely wasn’t going to be a cakewalk but the worst possibility was crossed off the list. Small victories.

 

“What happened?” Luz repeated as he ran a trembling hand through his messy hair. “When…?”

_“Joe got wounded, uh, pretty badly. He’s back in the states now,”_ Lip answered; Luz felt his stomach sink.

 

“How bad?” Luz asked quietly.

_“Rick called us all up yesterday and told us what happened. He was in pretty rough shape for a bit so they had him in this hospital in D.C. but once he was stable enough they moved him to this hospital in Atlanta and so I guess Rick felt it was safe to tell us,”_ Lip continued, brushing over George’s question.

 

“Lip.”

_“We’ve been trying to get a hold of you since we heard-”_

 

“Yeah I get shitty cell reception in every fleabag motel I stay at,” Luz snapped before pushed on to the main question at hand. “Now quit beating around the bush and tell me how fucking bad it is alright?”

 

For a moment the only sound was the crackling sound of their combined breathes in the phone. Even with entire states in-between them, Luz could see Lip’s face in his mind clear as day while he struggled with the task of being the bearer of bad news.

 

“Lip,” Luz tried again, the desperation in his voice painfully obvious. “Just tell me. _Please.”_

_“… His right leg,”_ Lip answered finally. “ _It’s gone, at least everything past his knee. I’m sorry, George, I didn’t want you to hear this way but-”_

 

Whatever Lipton said next, George didn’t hear; he was already too busy trying to hunt down his tennis shoes in the pitch black motel room to hear Lipton’s sincere words of comfort.

_“George, are you okay?”_ Lipton asked, most likely confused by the sounds of Luz stumbling around his room at lightning speed.

 

“Peachy, Lip,” Luz said flatly as he shoved on his shoes and double checked that his keys and wallet were still safely stowed away in his pants pocket. “You said he’s in Atlanta?”

_“Yeah.”_

 

“I’ll be there,” Luz declared as he gathered up his duffle and laptop bag from the floor and tossed them around on of his shoulders.

_“Wait,_ what _?”_

 

“Atlanta. Gimme like, six hours and I’ll be there, alright?” Luz said as he kicked the motel room door closed behind him and headed for the front desk, which hopefully would be open at this time of night.

_“Where even are you right now?”_

 

“Just outside of Memphis. Hell, If I gun it and piss in a bottle I could probably make it in five.”

_“George, it’s almost two in the morning-”_

 

“Yeah, so I should be there around seven as long as traffic doesn’t fuck me over,” Luz said as he walked into the lobby, surprising the stoned-looking teenager who was running the front desk.

_“Luz-”_

 

“Hey, hold on a sec I gotta check out of here really quick.”

 

The kid behind the front desk was a little slow to process Luz’s demands but after a few minutes wasted explaining the situation, Luz was headed out into the empty parking lot and trying to mentally figure out which highway route would get him down to Atlanta quickest.

 

“Hey do you know the name of the hospital he’s at?”

_“It’s the middle of the night! Are you seriously about to drive down there?”_ Lipton asked, his voice tired but Luz couldn’t help but notice a hint of amusement hidden deep down.

 

“Do you doubt me?” Luz asked as he revved the engine of his jeep for emphasis so that his friend could hear before he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the empty road. “Hey, text me the name, I gotta go. I need to look up the best route back.”

 

Before Lipton could say another word that might possibly talk him out of his tunnel vision, Luz ended the call and began searching for the best route back to Georgia. In the back of George’s head, he knew he was being a little dramatic; based off of the way Lipton spoke, Joe was not in any life or death struggle for survival and he probably could have waited until at least the morning to drive back home. However, there was a part of him- a much stronger part of him -that told him that he needed to be there for Joe, be _with_ Joe. Luz knew that there was the chance that Joe wouldn’t want to see him- and Luz wouldn’t blame Joe if he didn’t, seeing as they relationship hadn’t always been on the best of terms –but he didn’t care. He just needed Joe to know that he was there for him if he wanted him to be.

 

* * *

 

“Oh…what the fuck?” Luz exclaimed as he watched large plumes of white smoke flow from underneath the hood of his Jeep. “We’re in the fucking end zone and you’re gonna crap out on me now?”

 

To be honest, Luz was surprised that his poor, old Jeep had managed to survive this far into this year long journey. It was near falling apart when he left Toccoa and almost a straight year on the road definitely didn’t do it any favors. A couple miles back he had noticed some light, white smoke coming out from under the hood and the temperature gauge on his car clicked on but with him being only a stone’s throw from Atlanta at this point, Luz decided it would be better to keep pushing on and deal with his dying car after he got to the hospital.

 

Wrong decision.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Luz swore as his Jeep started to make a slightly concerning noise.

 

Admitting defeat, Luz pulled onto the side of the highway, turned off his car, and rested his face on the steering wheel for a long moment, not even concerned with whether or not his car may explode. Of course this would happen to him.

 

After exiting the car and a quick call to triple A, Luz leaned against the concrete barrier and stared at his phone as a steady stream of early morning commuters drove past him, some slowing down enough to give him a curious glance. The tow-truck wouldn’t be there for another hour and then there would still be the matter of having to get to the hospital from whatever mechanic he got taken to.

 

Feeling frustrated, Luz glanced at his phone again and noticed he had an unopened text message. Curious, Luz opened it and felt a small wave of relief wash over him; Lip had texted him about an hour ago claiming that he couldn’t sleep and was headed down to Atlanta as well.

 _Couldn’t sleep,_ Luz thought to himself with a small snort before he dialed Lip’s number. _More like he couldn’t bare the idea of me going in to see Joe by myself…_

_“Hey, George,”_ Lip answered. “ _Are you in Atlanta yet?”_

 

“Uh, not quite. I’ve hit a bit of a snafu.”

_“What do you mean?”_

 

“Means my Jeep finally crapped out on me and so I’m currently standing on a side of the highway waiting for a fucking tow truck,” he responded as he threw his still smoking car an annoyed look. “Gonna be stuck here for another hour before the tow truck will get here.”

_“Oh, shit. How far away from Atlanta are you?”_

 

“About ten miles west of it on I-20,” Luz responded as an overeager driver rushed passed him at an almost dangerous speed. “Where are you?”

_“Uh… merged onto I-80 a little bit ago… probably 30 miles out_ ,” Lip answered. “ _Why?”_

 

“Think you might be willing to make a detour for your old pal, Luz?” George asked, knowing Lip’s answer.

_“Perhaps,”_ Lip teased. “ _Only if you help me out, man. You know the highways better than me.”_

 

“I got you, Lip,” Luz said with a smile before he began giving his friend instructions. “Okay so first thing you’re gonna have to do it get onto 285…”

 

After thirty minutes of mindlessly playing Temple Run, Flow, and Whale Trail on his phone, a familiar looking blue sedan pulled off of the side of the highway and stopped a couple yards behind George.

 

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Luz exclaimed as he walked to meet Lipton in the middle and pulled him his friend into a tight hug. It had been almost an entire year since he saw Lip in person just he still looked exactly as he had when Luz left Toccoa all those months ago. “Good to see you again.”

 

“Same to you, George,” Lipton said with his customary soft smile. “Wish it were under different circumstances.”

 

“Yeah well… let me just grab my computer from my car so no one steals the hunk of junk and we can head on over,” Luz said as he ran a hand through his slightly greasy hair while he worked to keep his voice as even as possible.

 

“So, have you tried talking to Rick at all?” Lip asked a few minutes as he and Luz merged back onto the highway.

 

“No. What’d he say?”

 

“Well, I know how much you want to go to the hospital right now, George, but Rick said that Joe really didn’t want to see anyone right now. So I think it’d be the best thing to just go and catch a couple hours of sleep-”

 

“Like hell I am,” Luz declared.

 

“Rick even offered for us to crash at his place for a bit-”

 

“How nice of him,” Luz said flatly. “We can go have naptime _after_ we stop by the hospital.”

 

“Luz, frankly, you look like hell,” Lip persisted. “You should get some sleep. Take a shower. Eat some food. Then we’ll try again later, maybe when Joe’s feeling a little better.”

 

“I know I look like hell, okay, I just drove six hours straight. And I don’t see why we can’t just stop by quickly and see for ourselves. It won’t hurt to try, Lip,” Luz continued firmly; he just drove through the night to get to Atlanta as soon as possible, like hell was he gonna put this off. “Hell, maybe Joe will let me see him if I look like I’m in worse condition than him.”

 

When Lip didn’t say anything in response to Luz’s demands, George forced out a shaky breath in an attempt to calm himself down. He didn’t want to fight with Lip- who the hell ever would want to? –but this was one fight he wasn’t about to stand down from.

 

“Lip,” Luz tried again in a quiet, almost exhausted tone. “Please. Just let me try okay? And then I swear, I’ll go and sleep and eat and shut up for a couple hours.”

 

“…Lucky thing I have a soft spot for you, Luz,” Lip sighed as he switched lanes.

 

“You got a soft spot for everyone, Lip,” Luz pointed out with a grin, which he was able to do now that he was sure he would get his way. “But I appreciate it nonetheless.”

 

“You have to call Rick though and let him know what’s up. I told him I’d let him know when we were on our way over so he knew when to leave the hospital and meet him at his place.”

 

“No problem.”

 

* * *

 

Rick wasn’t too fond of George’s idea either- he was trying his best to respect his brother’s wishes of being left alone –but he accepted George’s determination in a similar fashion as Lip, with a sigh and an air of “better to let him get it out of his system instead of fighting him for hours on it”. Fifteen minutes later and George and Lip were walking through the hospital parking garage with Luz feeling very much like his heart was stuck somewhere in his throat. When they entered the waiting room for Joe’s ward, Rick was only one of four people half-slumped in the uncomfortable, badly padded seats. Based off of Rick’s appearance, it was clear that Luz wasn’t the only one who hadn’t done much eating, sleeping, or showering recently.

 

“Hey, guys,” Rick said tiredly as he pushed himself out of his seat and pulled them separately into hugs. “Glad you were able to make it down.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Luz said as he patted Rick on the back. “How is he?”

 

“He’s doing alright… at least, comparatively speaking,” Rick responded with a heavy sigh. “He’s not in any real danger anymore, - he was stable when they transferred him here -it’s just a matter of getting him accustomed enough with everything so he can go home.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Lipton said comfortingly. “Joe’s one tough guy.”

 

Rick nodded, his eyes fixed firmly on the floor, without saying another word. Luz had never seen Rick look so mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted before, even when he saw him years ago at his mother’s funeral.

 

“So, Joe’s still not feeling up to visitors?” Luz asked without feeling very hopeful.

 

“Nah, I asked him if he’d be up for people when you called and he didn’t say anything, so-”

 

“Well, can you at least tell him we’re here?” Luz requested. “Just so, so he knows that we’re here for him?”

 

Rick stared at him for a long moment with eyes so similar to Joe’s that it made Luz’s stomach ache. George could see a number of emotions swirling around in Rick’s tired eyes but the most obvious one to him at the present moment seemed to be pity. Rick understood that Luz’s wish for Joe to know he was there came from a place deeper than friendship. Maybe it was because of that that Rick relented and agreed to stop by Joe’s room and notify him of his visitors.

“I need to go grab a few things from his room anyways,” Rick said. “Just give me a couple minutes. I’ll be back.”

 

As Rick walked away from them, Lip sat down in one of the many available seats in the waiting room but Luz stayed standing, even though he felt like he might tip over from exhaustion at any moment; he still felt too antsy to sit still. Within a minute of Rick leaving, George started to pace. To be so close to Joe, to know that he was hurting and know where he was, and not being able to see him, it was hell. Luz knew that Rick would come back and tell him that no, Joe still didn’t want to see either one of them and it would hurt but Luz also knew that he would of course respect Joe’s wishes. Luz just needed Joe to know that he was here if he wanted him.

 

Luz caught movement in the corner of his eye and stopped his pacing to watch as Rick walked into the waiting room again, pausing at the entrance and looking almost confused.

 

“What’s up?” Lip asked as he got up from his seat and took in Rick’s slightly baffled expression.

 

Luz’s stomach lurched uncomfortably. What happened? What could have _possibly_ happened to Joe in the half an hour or so that Rick was away from his bedside that would make Rick look like that? Was Joe okay, was-

 

“He wants to see you,” Rick said in a calm voice, his familiar dark eyes locking with George’s.

 

“W-what?” Luz stuttered; did he just hear when he thought he heard? Maybe he was so sleep deprived he was starting to hear stuff.

 

“Joe said you could go see him if you want to,” Rick clarified, his voice sounding slightly surprised as if he didn’t quite believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth.

 

Feeling still as if he surly misheard, Luz turned to look at Lip, who was smiling with a knowing looking his eyes.

 

“Go on,” Lip said as he gave George a small shove towards Rick. “This is what you drove through the night to do right?”

 

“Yeah,” Luz nodded, his brain still struggling to catch up to the preset. “Yeah.”

 

The short walk from the waiting room to Joe’s room was a bit of a blur to George, it felt almost like a dream. It had to be a dream right? A nightmare to put it more accurately. Before George could properly prepare himself, Rick was stopping outside of a hospital room and looking almost as apprehensive as George felt.

 

“I’m gonna go grab some coffee from the cafeteria,” Rick said after a long pause passed between the two of them. “Probably take Lip with me… call me if- if you need anything, alright?”

 

Rick gave George a firm, reassuring squeeze on the arm before the turned and headed back down the hall, leaving George alone. Feeling his heart beat uncomfortably fast, Lip’s words rang through his head: _This is what you drove through the night to do right?_

 

He couldn’t wimp out now.

 

With a deep breath, Luz picked up his heavy feet from the floor and slowly walked into the room. There was a curtain pulled partially around the bed so that people peering into the room would be unable to see who was lying in the bed. Luz knew if he had to back out of this, now would be the time. Pushing that thought away, George took the last few steps needed to bypass the curtain and stopped at the foot of Joe’s bed.

 

At first glance, Joe looked fine. Sure, he looked a little thinner and paler than George remembered him and there were a couple of non-serious looking scars littering his face and arms but for the most part, he looked just like Joe. It made something warm rise up inside of Luz, something happy, and for a moment Luz was just so relieved to be able to see Joe again even under these circumstances. Then Luz’s eyes finally flicked down Joe’s body and landed on the place where the cheap hospital blanket flattened out, the place where the rest of Joe’s right leg should have been, and George felt that warm feeling just drain away.

_He’s alive though,_ George reminded himself after a beat while he thought back to that brief but terrifying moment back in the motel room when there was the possibility that Joe was dead. _He’s alive and he’s right fucking there, five feet in front of you… been almost two fucking years since you’ve seen him…_

 

For a moment, thoughts of Joe’s current state were temporarily pushed from the forefront of his mind while he remembered the last time they had been this close to each other, Joe was walking out on him after a drunken one night stand.

_Jesus Christ, when did my life become a fucking soap opera…?_

 

“Hey,” Joe’s gruff voice called out, surprising George. “You gonna just stand there at the end of my bed all fucking day like some kinda creep or are you gonna sit down?”

 

George blinked and saw the uncomfortable hospital chair that sat next to Joe’s bed; Rick most likely had spent most of his time recently resting there. Before Joe could decide he didn’t want Luz there, George scurried over to the seat and sat down.

 

Luz could feel Joe’s eyes on him but Luz suddenly couldn’t find it in him to look at the man. Instead he focused on where Joe’s left hand rested on top of the generic looking hospital bedding while he tried to think of something to say. What the fuck was someone supposed to say in a situation like this? Why the hell didn’t he think of something to say during those six hours he spent driving down here? Why did he think this was a good idea-?

 

“Luz,” Joe said, breaking George out of his mental back and forth; Luz looked up at Joe finally and waited for him to continue. “Just thought you should know that you look like shit.”

 

“You too,” George fired back immediately, his brain reverting back to their years of back and forth.

 

As soon as the words left his mouth George felt his entire body freeze. People told him for years that his fat mouth would get his ass in trouble and here it finally came. How the hell was he going to get out of telling his ex-boyfriend who just lost a fucking leg to a warzone that _he looks like shit?_

 

“Joe, listen, I-”

 

Whatever Luz planned to say next fell away as soon as he heard the familiar sound of Joe’s low, chuckling laugh. It felt like a warm bath to George’s ears.

 

“Everyone’s fucking walking on eggshells around me. Sick of it,” Joe said as the small smile Luz was able to bring out of him slipped away. “But luckily I can always count on you to be an asshole, Luz.”

 

“Ehh, whatever you need, Joe,” Luz said as he let out a shaky breath. “I’m your guy.”

 

“How about you sneak in a pack of smokes and a six-pack for me,” Joe suggested seriously before his face went dark again. “That fucking shrink they keep sending in here asking me how I’m doing. I’d be doing a lot fucking better if they’d ease up about the rules around here and just let me have a fucking smoke.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Luz promised. “They don’t do pat downs at the front entrance right?”

 

“Maybe they’ll make an exception for you when they see your shady ass trying to roll a keg into here.”

 

“A whole keg huh? We having a party in here?”

 

“Well I know you and you’re the type to go big or go home,” Joe sighed. “Would be surprised if you did anything less.”

 

After that the two of them fell silent for a bit, both unsure of what to say that would be safe; he knew that now was not the time to bring up their long list of issues from the past. By the time Joe spoke again, Luz felt himself beginning to doze off.

 

“What are you doing here, anyways, Luz?”

 

“Huh?” he asked as he gave himself a quick shake to wake himself up; he definitely was going to take up Rick’s offer to crash at his place once he was done here.

 

“What are you doing here?” Joe repeated.

 

Luz felt the bottom of his stomach drop uncomfortably at Joe’s question; did he really not get why Luz drove all night to see him?

 

“Last I heard you were on the other side of the country working on some project,” Joe continued. “Figured you’d be in Arizona or something right now.”

 

“How’d you know about my assignment?” Luz asked, curious.

 

“Bill told me,” he answered. “Before I shipped out for this last tour, I stopped by Toccoa for a bit. Bill told me you’d left.”

 

Luz couldn’t tell if the hint of emotion he heard in Joe’s voice was because he had left town without telling Joe or if it was just because of the general condition Joe was in right now. Luz felt a small bubble of hope form inside him that maybe it was the former of the two.

 

“Yeah it was a yearlong thing,” George responded. “Too busy to ever really find time to come back to Toccoa.”

 

“I read a few of your pieces while I was home,” Joe admitted.

 

“You did?” George asked, feeling suddenly embarrassed. “Which ones did you read?”

 

“I don’t really remember… something about a potato museum I think?”

 

“Oh, no. That one was _such_ a piece of shit,” George groaned as he let his face collapse into his hands. “Outta all the ones you could have read and it was _that_ one?”

 

“No, no, it was pretty good. I didn’t think anyone could make a potato museum sound interesting but if anyone could do it, it would be you, Luz.”

 

Face still feeling hot, Luz moved one of his hands away from his face so that he could look at Joe again. He felt his heart flutter when he saw the smile on Joe’s face.

 

How the hell was it that after all these years he was still so over the moon for the same guy?

 

“So were you nearby on assignment or something?” Joe asked. “Got here pretty quick.”

 

“Uh, yeah, um. Actually my assignment just finished up,” George lied. “I had just gotten back to Toccoa when Lip told me the news. So I just kinda got back onto the highway to come here.”

_Knock, knock, knock!_

 

Luz leaned back in his seat so that he could see around the curtain; he found a kind-looking middle-aged nurse standing in the doorway.

 

“Oh, Joe, you have a guest,” she said as she breezed into the room and yanked back the curtain to reveal Joe to the world. “How nice.”

 

“An old friend of mine,” Joe informed her quietly; it hurt Luz to see Joe quickly revert back into his quiet, angry state after he had managed to loosen him up some and lure a couple smiles out of him.

 

“Uh, George,” Luz introduced himself quickly while he tried to push down the irritation he felt for this woman.

 

“April,” she said with another large smile before she let it fall into a small frown. “I’m sorry to cut this little party short but I’m going to have to take Joe for a bit. Time for physical therapy,” she added when Joe gave her a questioning look.

 

“Great,” he muttered darkly.

 

April turned and pulled a wheelchair to Joe’s bedside, one that sat in the corner of the room which Luz had not noticed on his way in. Feeling April’s eyes on him, telling him quietly he needed to leave, George got up from his seat even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

 

“It was uh… I’ll see you tomorrow, Joe,” George decided halfway through his sentence; it was nice to see Joe again but perhaps under different circumstances would have been better. “I mean, if you want. If not-”

 

“Yeah,” Joe cut him off firmly. “See you tomorrow. If you want.”

 

With a parting smile, Luz ducked out of the room and headed back to the waiting room, feeling a tornado of emotions swirl inside of him. As he pulled out his cell phone so that he could locate Lip and Rick, Luz decided to settle on one of the strongest emotions surging inside of him: hope.

 

* * *

 

“Yeah, I already called the guys in Nashville and told them that I wouldn’t be able to make it, I’m not a complete asshole, Vera,” Luz sighed into his phone, feeling exhausted despite the fact that he had just woken up from a nine-hour nap at Rick’s place; talking to his boss usually exhausted him. “But I am going to have to take a little time off before I get to the last few assignments.”

_“How much time are we talking here?”_

 

“I don’t know…a week at least right now. Maybe two.”

_“Well I need to get some sort of idea so I can reshuffle these last few dates around, George,_ ” Vera said firmly; Luz could hear her typing in the background and knew she was probably already writing up a new schedule for him. “ _How serious is this family emergency?”_

 

“I guess it’s not really life or death right now,” Luz admitted as he ran a hand over the stubble on his jaw; he still needed to shave. “Ya know what, just give me a week, alright? I can type up these last few pieces during my week off and I shouldn’t even be behind schedule.”

_“You sure?”_ Vera asked as she paused in her typing. _“If you really need more time, we understand, George.”_

 

“No, really. It’ll be okay. I just need to stick around here for a bit and make sure everything’s good before I head back out.”

_“If you say so_ ,” she said as she returned to her typing. “ _I’ll email you an updated schedule probably by tomorrow afternoon. The last stop or two we probably won’t even need to reschedule if you hustle.”_

 

“I always do.”

_“Alright, well, I’m going to get to work on this. I hope everything turns alright on your end.”_

 

“Thanks, Vera, I’m sure it will,” Luz said before he hung up his phone and collapsed on top of Rick’s guest bed; he was sure within a minute he could easily be back asleep.

 

After the hospital, Lip and Luz went back to Rick’s place, had some food, and immediately crashed- hard. Or at least, Luz crashed, he was pretty sure Lipton only settled down for a quick nap, seeing as he hadn’t spent the entire night driving. When Luz woke up it was almost dark again. Knowing that he had a limited window before his work found out about his detour, Luz sucked it up and called his boss and explained the situation. He knew he needed to finish his assignment, - George Luz didn’t leave shit half-finished –but he also knew he needed to spend at least a couple more days with Joe before he took off.

 

“Hey, Luz.”

 

George propped himself up onto his elbows and found Lipton standing in the doorway.

 

“Dinner’s ready. Figured you should eat something after sleeping all day.”

 

Before George could even properly respond, his stomach erupted in an almost embarrassingly loud growl. Laughing quietly, Luz pushed himself off the bed and followed the delicious smells of food.

 

* * *

 

The next day when they went to the hospital, Joe allowed Lip in the room as well so the four of them- Joe, Luz, Rick, and Lip –all ate takeout lunch in Joe’s hospital room. Joe mostly stayed quiet while Luz managed to fill up most of the silence in the room with stories from his travels. As the three of them got up to leave after a few hours, Luz asked once again if Joe would mind if he came in to visit the next day, to which Joe shrugged and said “if you want”; Luz knew that meant yes in Joe’s book.

 

Lip unfortunately had a less flexible work schedule and needed to get back to Toccoa the next day. Thankfully he was able to stay long enough to drop George off at the mechanic where his car had been taken the other day to pick of his Jeep, which miraculously was still alive somehow. From the mechanics Luz said goodbye to Lip before he headed to hospital.

 

For the rest of the week, that’s how things worked. Luz would wake up at Rick’s and have some breakfast before he headed over to the hospital to sit in Joe’s room for a few hours. Luz would spend it typing away at his computer while he rushed to finish all the articles he had yet to write up while Joe cursed as he watched baseball games on the shitty hospital television. Sometimes they talked but if they did it usually was short and superficial. It was never about how Joe’s wounds were healing or how his physical therapy was going or how shitty of a mood he got in whenever he came back from his counseling sessions, if he was eating or sleeping alright, and definitely never anything off of their laundry list of relationship hits and misses. Instead it was Joe bitching about the game, Luz reading bits of his pieces aloud to Joe when he wasn’t sure if they made sense, and Joe bitching at his brother whenever Rick tried to mother hen him.

 

Some days they had extra company. Buck, who worked in Atlanta, showed up a few times during his lunch breaks or after work to check on Joe. Bill showed up on Luz’s fourth day in Atlanta and spent a good half an hour loudly explaining his absence to Joe with tales of his boss not allowing him immediate time off and Frannie telling him he couldn’t just ditch his job and run off to Atlanta for who knows how long. Bill said he’d be able to stay a whole week as well, which comforted George to know that at least for a couple days after George left, Joe would have some good company. Luz heard promises from other friends with plans of coming down but again, they had to be somewhat responsible and wait for a good time to cut out of work.

 

Eventually, however, Luz’s week of leave dried up and George had to say goodbye to Joe. He told him that he needed to head back to Toccoa for a bit to do some hands-on work at his job there when in reality he’d be rushing around a couple nearby states at lightning speed while he tried to do his last handful of assignments in roughly two weeks’ time.

 

“Do you think you’ll still be here in two weeks?” Luz asked as he got up to leave Joe’s room.

 

“I’m not sure,” Joe answered with a shrug. “Might be discharged by then.”

 

“Where are you gonna stay once you get out of here?”

 

“I’m figuring it out,” Joe answered cryptically without meeting George’s eyes. “But I’ll let you know if I get out of here anytime soon.”

 

“Or if you break out and need some help,” George suggested.

 

“Yeah. We’ll see.”

 

“Good,” Luz said with a nod before he took another step towards the door and gave Joe a parting wave. “See ya around, Joe.”

 

“See ya around, Luz.”

 

* * *

 

It was almost three weeks until Luz was able to return to Atlanta. He had managed to get to all of his locations within the two weeks but then he really was needed in Toccoa for a few days to actually do some one-on-one work with his editor and frankly, George just needed a day or two to sleep and not move; thankfully Frank let him crash on the couch in his old apartment, seeing as Janovec was still living in his old room and he couldn’t exactly kick the kid out onto the streets.

 

Luz expected Joe to text him or call him any day now to tell him he’d been discharged but when none came, George took another trip down to Atlanta to check on Joe.

 

He was walking down the now familiar hospital hallway with his laptop under one of his arms when he stopped a few feet short of Joe’s room.

_“I don’t need to be babied, Rick_ -!” Luz could hear Joe’s angry voice spill out into the hospital hallway.

_“I’m not babying you-!”_ Rick’s equally loud but slightly less angry voice followed.

_“Then what the fuck would you call it?”_

_“Being a good brother! I’m not gonna let you just go be by yourself! You can’t-!”_

 

“ _Can’t what?”_ Joe growled; it sounded almost like a dare to George.

 

Luz heard Rick let out a rough breath before he spoke again in a forced calm tone of voice; George knew that while Rick may be the more levelheaded of the two, Rick still had the ability to blow up as big and as loudly as Joe.

_“Let’s just, drop this for right now, alright?”_

_“Be better if we drop it forever,”_ Joe grumbled.

_“I’ll be back tomorrow, we can talk more then,”_ Rick said tensely while he obviously struggled to keep his composure.

 

As Luz heard them mumble their goodbyes to each other he frantically backed up a few steps so that it might appear like he hadn’t just eavesdropped on their conversation and was instead just walking up to the room as Rick exited, looking annoyed.

 

“Oh, hey, Luz,” Rick greeted him with a quick smile. “Joe said you might be coming today.”

 

“Yeah, I woulda been here an hour earlier but there was a major accident on I-20,” George explained as he schooled his voice into something casual.

 

“Well, love to stay and catch up but I gotta run back to work,” Rick explained.

 

“I’ll see you around, man.”

 

George waited until Rick was a few rooms down before he entered the room and found Joe lying in bed, unsurprisingly pissed off.

 

“So you wanna tell me what that was all about?” Luz asked as he sat down in his usual seat and opened up his laptop.

 

“What was all what about?” Joe grumbled as he flipped aimlessly through the hospital’s limited television selection. “I’m sick of watching fucking soap operas…”

 

“Whatever you and Rick were arguing about,” Luz clarified. “I feel like you two should know this by now but your voices carry a bit.”

 

Joe didn’t respond. Instead he settled on some rerun of a sitcom and angrily set the already beaten up remote on the small table next to the bed. Luz let him fume. He’d be sitting here for a bit, he would have time to work out whatever it was that was eating away at Joe.

 

Luz didn’t try and push Joe to speak, even though he was curious about what got the two brothers arguing, not even as visiting hours ticked down to the last few minutes. George recognized that although things seemed alright between the two of them most of the time, their relationship had a lot of shaky foundation to work around and he doubted that pushing Joe to speak would help his cause any.

 

It wasn’t until Luz was packing up to leave that Joe spoke up.

 

“I’m getting discharged next week.”

 

“Really? That’s great, Joe.”

 

Joe, despite his constant bitching about the hospital, didn’t seem to agree.

 

“What’s up?” Luz asked.

 

“Rick said that I could move in with him.”

 

“I’m guessing you’ve got a problem with that?” Luz asked as he took in Joe’s frown.

 

“Yeah I got a problem with that,” Joe snapped. “I don’t _need_ to go live with him. I can live on my fuckin’ own.”

 

“I’m sure he’s just trying to be nice-”

 

“Well if he wanted to be nice he would have just offered and left it at that! But instead he’s talking about it like it’s a done fuckin’ deal,” Joe continued. “And then he goes on about finding a bigger house, one with less stairs- fuck I can handle stairs.”

 

Luz knew that Joe had been fitted with his prosthetic and had be practicing on it every day. From what Joe said he was able to use it perfectly fine but from what Rick said it seemed like Joe still needed some work; George could understand Rick’s hesitation to mix Joe and stairs.

 

“Rick’s going on about how he and his girlfriend have conflicting work schedules a lot of the time so someone would be home at all times, like I’m a fucking brat who needs to be babysat! I get enough of that shit here, I don’t need it at home too.”

 

Joe let out a harsh breath and for one brief moment it was as if all of his anger had suddenly washed away and all Luz could see was the hollow depression and disbelief that was always waiting under the surface. For the most part, Joe seemed to be moving on as best as anyone could have hoped but Luz knew that it was all just a façade. He knew he had to be struggling with the fact that one moment he was a fully capable twenty-six year old man and then the next he was being supervised and coddled like some seriously ill child.

 

It must have killed Joe inside.

 

“I’m sick and tired of all these people jumping through hoops for me,” Joe continued quietly. “I appreciate it but I don’t need it.”

 

Luz knew that Rick had a point: Joe probably shouldn’t live on his own. His maneuverability with his prosthetic was still something to be desired and could Joe even drive with it? Then there was the matter of how Joe would support himself; sure he could get disability but would that be enough to take care of everything he needed? On top of all of that there was also the unspoken conversation of Joe’s mental stability. Rick mentioned a few things to him about how he needed to continue meeting with a therapist for some time and was being prescribed sleeping pills and possibly anti-depressants…

 

No matter how much Joe fought, George knew that at the end of the day he wouldn’t be allowed to live on his own, at least not for a little while.

 

The thought was only half-formed or so by the time it escaped George’s mind and came out of his mouth.

 

“Why don’t you come live with me?”

 

“What?” Joe responded, clearly not expecting that.

_Makes two of us…_

 

“Yeah, why not?” Luz continued as he tried to sound normal while he mentally cursed his mouth; there it was, his fat mouth finally getting him in trouble. “See, I gotta get a new place anyways and it’d be cheaper for the both of us if we could split the rent…” Luz looked up at Joe and saw hesitation in his eyes. “Unless… unless you think that’d be a bad idea.”

 

And there it was. Three weeks since George first showed up in Joe’s hospital room and it was only now that they recognized, however briefly, their turbulent relationship history. Luz waited for Joe to say anything- whether he was for or against living with George, anything about their relationship –but when nothing came, Luz got up from his seat.

 

“Think about it,” Luz said as he picked up his laptop bag from where it rested on the ground. “Let me know.”

 

George was halfway to the door when Joe’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

 

“Where were you thinking of living?” Joe asked; Luz turned around to stare at him. “Somewhere near Atlanta or Toccoa or…?”

 

“Probably back in Toccoa. Still got my job there,” George answered. “Where were you looking at living?”

 

“I like Toccoa,” Joe responded without looking at Luz. “Like it better than Atlanta anyways.”

 

Luz nodded but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what to say but he could definitely sense that Joe had plenty to say; it was just a matter of if he’d actually let himself speak for once.

 

“Do you have any places lined up in Toccoa yet?”

 

“Nah, I’ve been too busy to look recently. Right now I’m crashing on the couch at my old place but I was gonna start looking around tomorrow. I think Perc is getting kinda pissed at me for messing up his couch or something.”

 

“Well…if you find a place with decent AC and laundry, let a guy know,” Joe said quietly.

 

“Will do, Joe,” he said with a nod and a soft smile before he departed from the room.

 

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly, finding a place to live, moving in, and getting Joe all settled in wasn’t exactly an easy process. Luz managed to find a decent two-bedroom apartment- decent ac, washing in unit, multiple working elevators, and didn’t break the bank -and was able to move in his handful of possession in quickly. Joe however, needed more time to get things arranged.

 

He needed to locate a good physical therapist and a therapist in the area, which was fine with him since he apparently hated the ones he got stuck with in Atlanta, on top of the fact that he still had to fight Rick to move back to Toccoa; despite the great improvements Joe had made in the past month, he still preferred his brother be somewhere closer to a major city where there were plenty of available treatment options. Eventually, after an hour long screaming match, Joe won over his brother and helped him to make the move back up to Toccoa.

 

The first night they were both moved in they only had enough energy to invite a couple friends over for cheap beer and an almost obscene amount of pizza. Most of their friends had to work the next morning so they all cleared out early.

 

“So,” Lip said quietly as he paused by George on his way out; Luz saw the concerned mom look on his face and braced for whatever would come next. “You and Joe. You really okay with this?”

 

“Little late to back out now, don’t you think?” Luz asked to which Lipton shrugged. “I know this shit is kinda weird but… it’ll be fine.”

 

“You sure?”

_“Yes,”_ Luz huffed with a roll of his eyes as he leaned against the cheap kitchen counters. “Is it kind of awkward sometimes? Yes. Will we get over it? Probably... _hopefully_. But… despite everything Joe says, I really don’t think he should be living on his own and you and I both know he’s not gonna accept anyone jumping through hoops and changing up their lives for him. I needed a new place anyways, he needed a place, I needed a roommate, he needed someone to keep an eye on him from time to time. It’s a little odd but it works to a degree so…we’ll just see how this shit plays out.”

 

Luz expected Lip to give his customary sigh, to maybe ask once again if he was sure about it, to tell George to call him if shit hit the fan and he needed help or a place to crash while things blow over. What he didn’t expect was for Lipton to smile and shake his head before he pulled George into a brief hug.

 

“You’re a good guy, George,” Lip declared before he pulled on his jacket and took a step towards the door. “Let me know if Joe’s feeling up to company on Tuesday. Ron was thinking of stopping by for a bit. Maybe we could bring dinner.”

 

George bit down his immediate response to make a joke about that sounding like a lovely double date and instead simply responded, “Sounds great. I’ll let you know.”

 

After that Lip exited the apartment and Luz headed to bed, feeling almost as exhausted as he was when he and Joe reunited a little over a month ago. It truly was odd to Luz, thinking about how two months ago he had been in some fleabag motel in the middle of Texas, might as well have been worlds away from Joe, and now here he was, only a hallway away from him.

 

At twenty-six years old, Luz was almost painfully aware of just how goddamn random life could be sometimes.

 

The first night in the apartment was fine; both of them were so worn out from the excitement of the day that they both were passed out by ten o’clock. The next day Luz had to work and Joe had to meet his therapist later in the day and because Joe still hadn’t completely gotten the hang of driving with his prosthetic, Bill promised to take him there and back while Luz was at work and update him on anything if need be.

 

As Luz sat at his desk later that day, wondering how things were going with Joe and whether or not he should bother calling Bill to check in, he assumed that this is what new parents felt the first day they left their kid off at daycare. It was a though George immediately hated himself for thinking.

_“…like I’m a fucking brat who needs to be babysat…”_

 

“He’s fuckin’ fine,” George grumbled to himself as he rubbed at his tired eyes; feeling annoyed at himself, Luz put his phone on silent and stowed it away in his coat pocket.

 

They still lacked most of the necessary dishes, pots, and pans required to function as real adults in their apartment so on his way home Luz grabbed some takeout for the two of them. Joe was quiet and barely ate which didn’t necessarily surprise Luz; even after only a month he already knew that whenever Joe had to go to his therapist he was put into a really shitty mood for the rest of the day. Luz didn’t ask him about what they talked about or even if he liked this therapist any better than the one back in Atlanta, instead he just put the rest of Joe’s leftovers in the mostly empty fridge and let him spend the rest of his night quiet in his room.

 

Sleep didn’t come as easily to George as it did the night before; he managed to doze off for a little while but he always managed to wake up again. Sometime around three in the morning, Luz accepted momentary defeat and got up with the thought that maybe some shitty late-night infomercials would lull him to sleep. As Luz stepped out into the dark hallway, he paused when he heard a peculiar noise coming from Joe’s room. Straining his ears, Luz waited to see if he heard the same noise again; maybe his half-asleep brain was making up sounds.

 

George shook his head and turned, ready to head down the hall to the living room when he heard it, a heavy thudding noise followed by a strangled shout. Luz took a step towards Joe’s cracked bedroom door and heard a pained whimper followed by another thud. Feeling concerned that Joe might have somehow managed to hurt himself, Luz flicked on the hall light before he slowly pushed open the door and peered inside. From the light of the hallway, Luz was able to make out Joe’s figure as he thrashed back and forth on his bed, tangled in his blankets.

_Nightmare_ , Luz realized; without another thought, Luz crossed the room and stopped at the side of Joe’s bed.

 

Suddenly Luz wasn’t completely sure what to do. Should he wake him up? Or would shaking him awake make it worse when he woke up all disorientated?  But he couldn’t just let this go on forever, right? Rick mentioned to him that Joe might have nightmares but fuck it all, Luz never bothered to ask him the best way to get Joe out of them.

 

“Come on, Joe, time to get up,” Luz muttered as he grabbed Joe by the shoulders and gave him a quick shake. “Wakey wakey.”

 

“ _Hggnn… no_ ,” Joe whimpered as he continued to thrash; it felt like a dagger in Luz’s chest to hear and see Joe like this.

 

“Come on,” he tried again before he reached out and gave Joe a few half-hearted slaps against his cheek. “ _Joe!”_

 

Joe’s eyes opened suddenly and before Luz could properly move out of the way, Joe sprung up into a sitting position, which almost lead to him head-butting George. Thankfully, Luz was able to duck out of the way just in time.

 

“Whoa,” Luz exclaimed while he hands still rested gently on his shoulders. “Easy there-”

 

“Let go of me!” Joe snapped before he jerked himself out of Luz’s grip.

 

“Sorry! I’m sorry, I just…” Luz trailed off as he took in Joe’s heaving chest, how his t-shirt stuck to his body it was so damp with sweat, the painful-sounding wheezing Joe made while he struggled to catch his breath. “I was just making sure you were okay.”

 

“Just a nightmare, no fucking big deal,” Joe growled. “Now can you get outta here?”

 

“Do you need anything?” Luz tried.

 

“Yeah I need you to fucking leave me alone,” Joe demanded before his voice broke with a loud sob; Joe quickly buried his face into the crook of his elbow, as if that would somehow completely muffle the sound of his sobs.

 

“Joe,” Luz said softly as he reached out and placed a gentle hand on one of Joe’s shaking shoulders. “Hey… you’re okay. You’re okay, Joe.”

 

“Not I’m fucking not,” Joe sobbed. “I’m a fucking head case with half a leg. I’m not fucking okay. Not anywhere close.”

 

Luz didn’t know what to say. It was the first time Luz heard Joe admit that despite the show he put on during the day, he wasn’t okay, that he had lost half of his leg, that he was struggling. What the hell was a guy supposed to say to that?

 

It was in this moment when George realized just how underprepared he actually was to watch over Joe; good intentions were nice and all but right now Luz was pretty sure that even the best intentions meant shit to Joe and unfortunately, that was all Luz had.

 

“Stop fuckin’ staring at me,” Joe hissed.

 

“Sorry,” Luz apologized as he quickly averted his eyes and found himself staring at where Joe’s right leg ended; he turned his eyes away before Joe could notice. “Joe-”

 

“Luz, don’t- don’t start,” Joe said roughly as he wiped his eyes furiously with his forearm. “Can you just leave now?”

 

“Yeah,” he said quietly with a nod as he got up from where he was kneeled on Joe’s bedroom floor. “Yeah, of course, Joe.”

 

Feeling shaky and unsure and like it was wrong to leave Joe alone when he was still so clearly upset, Luz walked slowly back towards the bedroom door. Unable to leave Joe alone just yet, Luz paused by the door but kept his back to Joe.

 

“You might not be okay right now, Joe, but one day… one day you’re gonna be,” Luz said in the most confident voice that he could manage. “Promise.”

 

“Uh, huh, sure,” Joe snorted derisively.

 

“Hey,” Luz said as he glanced over his shoulder and looked at Joe. “Have I ever lied to you before?”

 

Joe looked up at him with angry, tired eyes but didn’t say anything. Knowing that Joe wanted to be alone, Luz gave the doorway one final tap before he stepped out into the hallway again.

 

“Goodnight, Joe,” he said before he shut the door behind him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Any opinions on dinner?” Luz asked as he opened the door to the apartment and entered it; Joe followed behind him, his limp more prominent than usual.

 

Joe didn’t respond. Instead he limped over to the fridge and pulled out a beer for himself before he moved towards the living room and collapsed on top of the couch. Luz was unfazed; Joe always got in a mood like this after his physical therapy appointments and George frankly couldn’t blame the guy. PT seemed like a bitch.

 

“Spaghetti sound good to you?” Luz called out as he leaned against the kitchen counter and stared at the back of Joe’s head.

 

In response, Joe turned up the volume of the television and drank from his beer.

“ _Fantastic,”_ Luz sighed sarcastically before he got to work on starting dinner for the two of them when all he really wanted was to crack open a beer or three and sit the fuck down for a few minutes.

 

It had been a little over a month since Joe moved in and it had honestly been one of the most difficult months of Luz’s entire life. Multiple times a week Joe needed to be taken to either his therapist appointment or to PT; he had managed to get the hang of driving with his prosthetic within the past month but seeing as there still was only one car between the two then, Joe still relied on rides to get him places most of the time. Bill or another one of their friends often helped Joe get to his necessary appointments when Luz was at work but there was still so much to do besides driving Joe places. Even though he hated to do it, Luz often had to double-check and make sure that Joe was actually taking all of his medicine when needed which often spiraled into an argument.

 

On top of all of that, Luz couldn’t remember the last time he and Joe managed to sleep through the night. Despite the fact that Joe had been prescribed sleeping pills, and for the most part seemed to be taking them, Joe rarely made it through the night peacefully. Nightmares still plagued Joe rather seriously and usually they woke Luz up in the process. George didn’t often repeat what he did on the second night,- he only went across the hall now to wake Joe whenever the nightmare seemed to go on for far too long because he knew how embarrassed Joe got whenever George caught him in such a state -but most nights he found himself unable to fall back asleep until he was sure Joe had calmed down.

 

Despite all the work and lack of sleep, Luz didn’t regret his decision to live with Joe during this difficult time. Sure, if he had stayed in Atlanta with his brother Joe would have better access to medical facilities instead of having to drive an hour or so every day to get to his necessary appointments but Luz knew that he was happier in Toccoa. Over the years Joe had relied on his friends to get him through tough times and still after all these years Toccoa was a place that was ripe with friends who were ready and willing to offer emotional support; it was home.

 

Dinner was quiet but that wasn’t surprising to Luz; Joe hadn’t exactly been the most talkative guy before all of this happened. Despite everything, George still tried to carry some sort of conversation, even if it was completely one-sided. He rambled about work and stupid shit his coworkers did and talked about their friends plans for the weekend and if Joe was feeling up to going out to Nix’s on Friday- he had yet to say yes –and when all else failed Luz turned to sports, which Joe occasionally put in his two-cents. Not tonight however. It wasn’t until after they both finished eating and Luz was starting to clean up that he got a response out of Joe.

 

“Oh, by the way, I got my shifts switched to later start times on Monday’s and Thursday’s permanently so I can drive you to and from your therapist appointments. Now Bill won’t have to pick you up.”

 

“Well you should go tell your boss tomorrow to change your schedule back to the way it was,” Joe responded.

 

“Why do you say that?” Luz asked calmly as he searched through their mismatched Tupperware collection for a container and lid that fit together.

 

“Cus I’m not planning on going anymore,” he declared frankly.

 

“What do you mean you’re not going to go anymore?” Luz asked as he turned around to face Joe.

 

“I mean that I’m not going anymore. I’m sick of that lady asking me to talk about everything that happened-”

 

“Talking about your problems helps-”

 

“That’s not the way I see it! To me it’s like someone fucking picking at a scab whenever it tries to heal. It just makes it worse not better.”

 

“Things have to get worse before they can get better, Joe-”

 

“Oh, like things haven’t been pretty shitty already for me? They have to get even worse?”

 

“Joe, you’ve just gotta keep working at it. I know it’s a lot of work but eventually it’s gonna pay off-”

 

“Now you sound just like the shrink and fucking Ricky,” Joe yelled as he took a step towards George. “Fucking easy for you all to keep repeating the same bullshit when you’re not the one actually going through it.”

 

“We’re just trying to look out-”

 

“-for me, yeah I know, I’ve only had to hear that a hundred fuckin’ times since I got back. I’m tired of it. And you know what else I’m tired of? Fucking PT.”

 

“Oh, let me guess, you’re gonna stop going to that as well?” Luz asked, feeling annoyance inside of him rise.

 

“Damn straight. I can walk just fine on this thing now, why do I have to keep going back? It’s just a waste of both of our times. Now you don’t have to waste all that time waiting around for me to finish.”

 

“Joe, I don’t mind taking you to PT and your therapist appointments! If I didn’t want to do it I wouldn’t have suggested we live together-”

 

“Oh, how charitable of you,” Joe spat.

 

“Joe,” Luz sighed as he rubbed tiredly at his face. “That’s, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“Really, cus I think it _is_ what you meant. Fucking Joe Toye can’t be trusted to live by his goddamn self, needs to have a live-in babysitter to keep an eye on him!” Joe exclaimed as he closed the distance between them so that now they were only a little over a foot apart.

 

“Yeah, ya know what? You do,” Luz snapped while he felt something break inside of him; he was pretty sure it was the wall he built up inside of him two months ago when he willingly came back into Joe’s life. “A month in and you’re already ready to throw in the towel and fucking quit your therapy? Yeah, you should definitely live on your own, Joe. I don’t know how we could have ever doubted your ability to take care of yourself.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“No thanks, I think I’m good after that last time,” Luz retorted coolly before he could stop himself; even though he hadn’t meant to say it, now that it was out in the open, he wasn’t exactly upset with himself for saying it.

 

“Are you really gonna bring that shit up right now?” Joe asked through a stiff jaw after a moment’s shock passed.

 

“No, I’m not,” Luz decided; right now wasn’t about that shit. It was about Joe and getting him to his treatments. “What I _am_ gonna do is keep taking you to all your appointments, even if I gotta fucking tie you up and _drag_ you there.”

 

“Why? Why is it so goddamn important to you? Hell, why the fuck did you volunteer for this shit anyways? Why’re you bending over backwards, rearranging your work schedules- _even though I never fucking asked for any of it, Luz_. You could have just left me in Atlanta, let my brother babysit me instead.”

 

“Yeah, I could have,” Luz admitted quietly while he clenched the counter behind him so tight that his knuckles were turning white. “Maybe I should have.”

 

“Well then why the fuck did you do it, Luz? Why the fuck are you still around?”

 

“Because when you love someone you don’t just hang around for the easy shit,” Luz exploded. “You’re with them through the hard times too! I thought you would have figured that out by now!”

 

Silence reigned in the tiny kitchen after Luz’s minor explosion. In the aftermath, Luz sagged against the kitchen counter; he felt so exhausted he couldn’t find it in him to care that he just told Joe that he loved him. Not once in over a year of them seriously dating had Luz managed to say that one stupid word to Joe but now all it took was some dumb argument to get that word out of him.

 

Noticing that Joe seemed to be frozen temporarily into stone by Luz’s words, George pushed himself off of the counter and slipped past Joe; fuck that the leftovers were still sitting out, he just needed some sleep.

 

“Wait,” Joe stuttered out as he reached out and grabbed onto Luz’s wrist, stopping him.

 

Sure, if Luz really wanted he could break out of the lose grip but he stayed put; how long had he wanted to tell Joe that he loved him? He couldn’t just storm off, he needed to stick around a bit and see how this played out. With a small sigh, George turned around and braced himself for whatever the hell Joe wanted to tell him. There weren’t any words, however, just Joe’s familiar callused hand on the back of his head and his even more familiar lips on his.

 

Luz felt his knees go weak and if it weren’t for the counter behind him he was sure he might have melted to the floor right then and there. He thought that maybe this was what taking drugs felt like, just instant pleasure and relief delivered to every corner of his body.

 

But no, he couldn’t do this, not now, not anymore. Hell, he was too old for these games at twenty-two, that’s why he put a stop to all this, to them.

 

“Joe,” Luz huffed as he pulled back and attempted to slip out of Joe’s grip, which was impossible with the kitchen counter pressed behind him.

 

Joe, thankfully, gave in to Luz’s request and let his hand slip from George’s wrist and head before he backed an arms-length away from George.

 

“I’m sorry,” Joe said, sounding sincere.

 

“It’s… don’t worry about it,” Luz said, trying his best to act as calm as possible even though all he wanted to do right now was maybe scream into his pillow until his voice gave out. “Can you just put the pasta away?”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

“Thanks,” Luz said before he turned away and tried to retreat to his bedroom once again; he almost made it into the living room when Joe stopped him again.

 

“No, I, uh, I’m not sorry for the kiss. Well, I mean I am but… really I’m saying sorry for the last time,” Joe clarified, his voice filled with painful uncertainty. “For running out on you. Never really got a chance to say sorry until now.”

 

Luz closed his eyes and buried his tired face in his hands because holy shit were they really going to talk about this right now? Why the hell did he have to bring it up earlier? He was too fucking tired to do this now.

 

“I was scared,” Joe admitted, surprising Luz. “I just, I freaked out.”

 

“No shit,” Luz said with a hollow laugh as he turned to face Joe again; he felt a little more comfortable talking about this with all this distance between them now.

 

“You were the one who was against us hooking up again so I figured that you were gonna be pissed at me, like it was my fault or something. I don’t know. I panicked.”

 

“I wasn’t gonna yell at you, Joe,” Luz explained calmly. “I just wanted to talk back then. And the only reason I was against the idea of us hooking up anymore was because frankly it hurt me too much. I just couldn’t do casual after everything else.”

 

“Do you really mean it?” Joe asked after a long pause as he started to walk slowly over to George.

 

“Mean what?” Luz asked while he felt his heart accelerate with every step Joe moved closer to him; feeling weak-kneed again, Luz reached behind him and braced himself on the back of the couch.

 

“Do you love me?” Joe asked as he stopped about a foot away from George.

 

Luz could see the nervous bob of his Adam’s apple and how his hands shook slightly at his sides. It was now or never.

 

“I never stopped Joe,” Luz confessed, feeling as if a giant weight were being lifted from his shoulders. “Not since we were nineteen.”

 

Luz words had an obvious effect on Joe; it seemed as if his words lifted some great weight off of his shoulders as well. With a heavy sigh and an arm braced on either side of Luz, Joe let his head fall forwards so that it brushed against Luz’s chest briefly. For a long moment, the two of them stood there silently, both most likely lost in nearly a decade of pent-up thoughts. Finally, after what felt like forever, Joe lifted his head and looked Luz in the eyes.

 

“Can I…?” Joe asked as his dark eyes flicked down to stare at George’s mouth briefly before he returned them to Luz’s eyes.

 

“Don’t do it if you don’t mean it, I’m serious,” he responded tiredly. “If you’re just looking to fuck around… I can’t do that anymore, Joe.”

 

There was a quick shake of Joe’s head and then there was Joe’s familiar mouth on Luz’s again, quickly followed by a warm hand on his waist and another cradling the back of his head. Luz honestly felt like he was about to fall apart; he was thankful Joe was helping to hold him up now, he didn’t trust his arms or legs anymore. He knew this was it. If Joe was fucking with him, wasn’t one-hundred percent, George knew there was no way he’d recover from this.

 

Too soon Joe pulled away but only enough so that he could rest his forehead against George’s.

 

“I love you,” Joe said softly before he leaned in and kissed George briefly again.

 

It was like some imaginary hand was suddenly wrapped around Luz’s neck, he could barely breathe. How long had he been waiting to hear those words from Joe? The first and only time he had heard those words from Joe took place more than half a decade ago and even today George still doubted Joe remembered saying them.

 

“I love you, George, you gotta know that by now, right?” he continued, sounding almost desperate.

 

Luz could only manage to nod; the choking sensation, which signaled that he was about to start crying any moment now, made it impossible for him to speak.

 

Joe tilted his head and kissed Luz again, much more lovingly this time. Luz finally removed his hands from the back of the couch and wound them around Joe’s neck. He could tell that he had started to cry but honestly, he couldn’t give a shit about that right now if he tried. They continued on for a little while, unhurried, before George gripped Joe’s face gently between his hands and carefully moved Joe away from him. Still seemingly desperate for contact, Joe pressed his forehead back against George’s while he stared into Luz’s crying eyes; George couldn’t help but notice that Joe’s eyes happened to look particularly watery as well.

 

“I love you, too, Joe,” Luz choked out. “So much.”

 

George was pretty sure he would remember the smile that formed on Joe’s face in that moment for the rest of his life, it was so wide and bright and reached his eyes.

 

Luz wanted to let himself melt, to just let this man in front of him, the love of his life, take him away and have them throw all of their issues away. Unfortunately, a small piece of him managed to stay strong and firm. Clearing his throat, Luz pressed on, hoping it wouldn’t break whatever spell he managed to cast over Joe.

 

“And because I love you so much,” Luz continued with his voice only wavering slightly, “that means that I’m gonna stick around and I’m gonna drive you to all your damn therapy appointments and you’re gonna take your medicine and do whatever else you need to do to get better. And I’m always gonna be there when things get too difficult and you feel like quitting and when that happens I’ll be there to tell you how proud I am of you for being so strong. Alright?”

 

It took a long moment but eventually Joe nodded his head resolutely.

“You’re gonna do all that for me? Shit, you’re gonna make me look bad,” Joe kidded, making George smile softly. “I’ve gotta do something special for you in return.”

 

“No you don’t,” Luz said with a gentle shake of his head while he felt a loose tear slide down his cheek. “All I need from you is your love.”

 

“…You know that was really cheesy, right?” Joe asked after a beat.

 

“I know and I don’t give a shit,” he responded honestly with a shrug. “So what do you say? Do we have a deal?”

 

“Deal,” Joe agreed as he brushed the shell of George’s ear lightly with his thumb. “Guess there’s no talking you out of this then?”

 

“Nope. You’re stuck with me. What a lucky guy you are.”

 

“I knew all my bad luck in life had to balance out somewhere,” Joe joked before his eyes went soft and he pressed his forehead against George’s once more. “What would a guy do without George Luz?”

 

“I don’t know. You’re going to have to ask someone what that’s like.”

 

Before either one of them could say another word, George tilted his head and brought his lips back to meet Joe’s. He knew that this wouldn’t solve everything, that there would still be days when they fought and Luz would have to drag Joe to his therapy and knew that he couldn’t just chase Joe’s nightmares away with a kiss or two and some kind words but he also knew that moments like this and every happy moment that came after this one would help them both through the dark times. It wouldn’t be easy, but when had anything in their relationship ever exactly been easy?


	10. Twenty-eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2016, age 28...

George honestly hated the sound of his alarm clock more than anything else in the world. He wanted to smash the fucker with a sledgehammer and then crawl back under the covers.

 

It was Friday and he needed to get up and get ready for work except every fiber of his being was fighting the idea. He hated his alarm clock, he hated that he needed to get up for work but most of all he hated Babe and Frank for convincing him to go out to Nix’s on a Thursday night; it felt like there was a fucking construction crew in his head. George just wanted to curl up under his covers where sunlight couldn’t find him and stay there until tomorrow.

 

Unfortunately there was a greater force that kept George from staying in bed and sleeping through his hangover.

 

“Up and at ‘em, Luz,” ordered a rough, gravelly voice from above him. “Time to get your ass out of bed.”

 

Before George could properly defend himself, the blankets were unceremoniously ripped off of his body and he was assaulted by the cool air of the bedroom and the bright, morning light that shined in from in-between the blinds. George couldn’t help the whine that escaped his mouth and even though he knew it was pointless he reached out for his comforter in an attempt to bring it back to him.

 

“You have sixty seconds before I open the blinds, George.”

 

“Joe,” George groaned as he buried his head under the pillows in preparation for the sunlight to hit him. “Please. If you love me at all, you’ll give me ten more minutes.”

 

“Why would I do something like that? After all these years of tough love,” Joe’s voice continued with a hint of a laugh. “Come on. It was your choice to go out and get wasted on a weeknight, now you have to deal with the consequences.”

 

Accepting defeat, Luz lifted the pillow off of his face and blinked blearily up at Joe until his vision focused. Joe was already dressed in a fresh t-shirt and jeans and the damp look of his head told George he had already managed to shower.

 

“Did you already do your run?” Luz asked after a beat, surprised.

 

“Yeah. You know some of us are actually able to wake up when we’re supposed to,” Joe responded slowly before he took a sidestep toward the window. “Do you need more convincing or are you gonna get up now?”

 

“I’m getting up, okay?” Luz groaned as he pushed himself slowly into a sitting position and feeling the world jerk and spin with the movement. Feeling a wave of nausea come over him, Luz took a moment to sit hunched over on the edge of his bed until he felt it was safe to move again. “No need to be cruel, Joe.”

 

“Not being cruel, just making sure you ass doesn’t get fired because you didn’t show up,” Joe explained as he turned and exited their bedroom. “Breakfast should be done soon.”

 

“I’m gonna fucking kill Babe and Perc,” Luz groaned before he forced himself to stand up and make his way to the bathroom so that he could start getting ready for what was sure to be a rough day. “Fuckin’ tequila.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Luz groaned as Joe flipped on the radio of his truck and turned the volume up louder than necessary.

 

“What?” Joe asked innocently before he pulled out of the parking lot for their apartment complex.

 

“I hope we fucking crash,” George groaned as he pulled on his pair of sunglasses and leaned his head back against the headrest. “End my suffering.”

 

“That’s what you get for stumbling home at two in the morning like a herd of elephants and drooling all over me.”

 

“Asshole.”

 

“Yeah, love you too,” Joe said casually.

 

Despite the intense pounding of his head, Luz couldn’t help but smile a little at those words; it was incredible to Luz that they still had such a strong effect on him even after all this time.

 

“Now if I were a _real_ asshole I would’ve told you to walk to work until your hunk of junk is fixed,” Joe continued.

 

“Thank you for driving me to work, Joe,” Luz said flatly. “You’re so kind.”

 

In the back of Luz’s mind he wondered if he should just scrap his Jeep already. It seemed like it had been in its death throes for the past year but somehow it kept holding on, which meant that every few months Luz needed to take it to the mechanics for some new patch job. He loved his Jeep but really the upkeep was becoming a major source of annoyance.

 

“So you gonna go visit Bill and help him babysit his rugrat?” George asked as Joe pulled up in front of his work a few minutes later.

 

“I might later. I got some errands to run first.”

 

“Like what?” he asked curiously.

 

“Nothing important,” Joe answered with a shrug as he drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. “But I’ll be here at five-thirty to pick you up.”

 

“Alright,” Luz nodded before he leaned across the center console to kiss Joe quickly before he opened the car door and exited the truck. “See you then.”

 

Work was just as rough as Luz expected. His head didn’t stop pounding until halfway through the day and he was so worn out that he skipped eating during his lunch break and took a nap instead. He didn’t get as much work as he wanted to on his current assignment, which meant that he’d have to get it done over the weekend so that he could make his deadline.

 

When he exited the building hours later it only took him a moment before he spotted Joe leaning against the side of his truck a few yards down from the front doors, smoking a cigarette while he waited for him.

 

“Waiting long?” he asked in greeting.

 

“Nah, only a few minutes,” Joe responded before he took in George’s exhausted expression and passed him the half-smoked cigarette. “You look like you could use this.”

 

“Thanks,” Luz said as he accepted the cigarette and leaned against the truck next to Joe.

 

As George took a long drag, he rested his head on Joe’s shoulder. Luz heard Joe huff a small laugh before he turned his head and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Luz’s head.

 

“Still haven’t recovered? You’re getting old.”

 

“Not as old as you are,” Luz retorted as he flicked excess ash onto the sidewalk.

 

“And here I was trying to be nice and surprise you when we got home,” Joe said, his voice full of fake offense. “But I don’t know if you deserve it now, calling me old.”

 

“Wait, what kind of surprise?” George asked as he lifted his head off of Joe’s shoulder so that he could look at the man. “I want a surprise.”

 

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you called me old,” Joe said before he pushed off of the side of the truck and walked around the front to get to the driver’s side.

 

“Don’t be like that,” Luz as he dropped the remains of the cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his shoe. “What’s the surprise?”

 

“You’ll just have to wait until we get home, Luz,” Joe said as George climbed into the truck.

“You can’t even give a hint?”

 

“It’s a five minute drive, George,” Joe said in exasperation. “You can’t wait?”

 

“Nope. Tell me.”

 

“You must have been a fucking nightmare on around Christmas when you were a kid,” Joe sighed as he started the truck.

 

“Nah, compared to my siblings I was an angel.”

 

“I find it hard to believe that you were the best behaved out of ten. I’ve met all your siblings, George, and you were definitely _not_ the best behaved out of that brood.”

 

“Man, if you’re talking about Stella and Charlotte, they may _seem_ totally normal but they’re actually the most psycho of the bunch they just know how to fake it better than anyone else.”

 

“Oh, speaking of your family, your mom called me earlier,” Joe added with a smirk as he turned onto the main road of the town.

 

“Oh really? What did she want?”

 

“Talked about plans for her visit next month,” he said while his smile grew. “Mostly she talked about how excited she is to see me again.”

_“Pff,_ some mom she is, more excited to see you than her biological child she hasn’t seen in months,” Luz pouted.

 

“She got enough of you during your childhood, Luz, she doesn’t need any more of you.”

 

Their conversation about Mama Luz’s visit lasted until the two of them were entered their apartment five minutes later. All it took was one step inside and suddenly George was assaulted with the smells of his favorite meal, forcing all other thoughts from his mind. Feeling thrilled but definitely a little confused, Luz looked at Joe who seemed rather pleased with himself.

 

“Did you make my favorite dinner, babe?” Luz asked coyly before he wrapped his arms around Joe’s neck and brought Joe closer to him. “Ya know if you really want to get laid, all you have to do is ask.”

 

“Luz,” Joe sighed with a roll of his eyes.

 

“I mean I really appreciate this but honestly, it’s making me a little suspicious that you did something bad and you’re trying to soften me up before you fess up,” Luz continued which earned him a small, playful shove from Joe.

 

“It’s nothing bad, alright?”

 

“But it’s still something?” Luz continued to pry.

 

“Jesus, you’re persistent,” Joe muttered before he kissed him.

 

“You’re trying to distract me,” Luz pointed out before he slipped his arms from Joe’s neck. “But if you don’t wanna spill the beans right now, _fine._ I guess I’ll just have to wait.”

 

“How kind of you,” Joe murmured before he followed after George into the kitchen.

 

* * *

 

Dinner was an amazing as Luz expected it to be; damn was Joe a good cook. To pay Joe back for such a kind gesture, Luz offered to clean up and put the leftovers away while Joe retreated to the balcony to smoke. During dinner George hadn’t tried to work out Joe’s secret from him, he could tell that the man wouldn’t fess up just yet, but maybe now that they were both watered and fed and relaxed…

 

Luz crossed the living room, only pausing momentarily to pull on the black hoodie that had been thrown over the back of the couch, before he joined Joe out on the balcony. Once outside, George sidled up to Joe before he bumped his shoulder against Joe’s. Joe gave him a playful shove back before he held out his pack of Lucky Strikes for Luz to take.

 

“What a gentleman,” Luz mumbled around his fresh cigarette as Joe ignited his lighter and held it out for Luz to light his cigarette on.

 

For a little while it was quiet between them while they smoked side by side and stared out at the setting sun. It really was relaxing.

 

“So are you gonna finally clue me in on what your big secret is or not?” Luz finally asked after he had smoked down most of his cigarette.

 

“Yeah,” Joe decided as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. “So that errand I had to run today?”

 

“Mm-hmm?”

 

“Well it was more of a meeting.”

 

“What kind of meeting,” Luz asked gently, noticing Joe’s hesitation.

 

“...meeting at the college. With a counselor.”

 

“Wait, what?” Luz asked after a moment, not sure if he was fitting the puzzle pieces together correctly.

 

“I gotta spell it out for you?” Joe huffed dramatically before he turned his head so that he could look George in the eyes. “...I decided I’m gonna go back to school. Finish my degree. Finally.”

 

Before George could think of anything proper to say he was throwing his arms around Joe and pulling him into a deep, warm hug.

 

“You’re really going back to school?” he asked in slight disbelief.

 

“Yeah, I’m not really doing much with my life right now,” Joe said as he returned George’s hug. “Figured why the hell not? Worth a shot.”

 

Grinning widely, Luz pulled back enough so that he was able to properly kiss Joe.

 

“So you think this is a good idea?” Joe asked, sounding a little unsure. “I mean, it’s been a while since I left-”

 

“Of course I think this is a great idea, Joe!” George exclaimed. “We should have gone out tonight! This calls for a celebration!”

 

“Didn’t think you could handle two nights in a row.  I was trying to go easy on you,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.

 

“I’m not that old, okay? I could have handled it,” Luz said as he removed his arms from Joe’s neck; Joe kept one arm looped protectively around George’s waist.

 

“Yeah well, I wanted to tell you first anyways,” he said softly as he caressed his thumb against the soft fabric of his old army hoodie which he had long since relinquished possession of. “Wanted to know what you thought.”

 

“Well I think it’s a great idea, really Joe, I mean it. And you’re still a pretty sharp mind, even in your old-age. You’ll do great. I know it,” Luz said confidently before he went about lighting himself another cigarette. “We’ll have to go out tomorrow night then to celebrate.”

 

“George, we don’t have to make a big deal about this.”

 

“But this _is_ a big deal. It calls for celebration,” Luz insisted before he automatically passed the cigarette to Joe, who accepted it without question. “You should be proud of yourself. I know I sure am.”

 

“I doubt anybody would be too against going out for a couple drinks tomorrow,” Joe said in resignation.

 

“I’m sure the guys will be very happy to buy you drinks all night.”

 

“Yeah because that’s just what I need,” Joe said as he passed the cigarette back to Luz.

 

“Hey, I got lit last night. Tomorrow can be your turn. It’s only fair.”

 

“So then what’s tonight? Meet in the middle?”

 

“Yeah. Take it easy for a night,” Luz decided with a grin before he turned and stared out at the beautifully colored sky as the sun set in the distance. “Have a little peace and quiet.”

 

“Thought you said peace and quiet were overrated,” Joe remembered with a victorious smile on his face.

 

“People are allowed to change their opinions,” Luz said defensively. “Especially over the span of entire decade, alright. Give me a break.”

 

“Give me back the smoke,” Joe countered, causing George to chuckle.

 

As he and Joe passed their cigarette back and forth while they watched the colors of the sky slowly change, Luz was a little struck thinking about how this was his life now. It was nice, made George feel content, but if he learned anything over the past decade was that situations and lifestyles changed and he knew that someday, for better or worse, this life would eventually change again. Regardless of the changes that came his way, George also knew that as long as he had Joe at his side throughout it, he’d be able to make it through whatever might come his way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to give a huge thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and enjoyed my fic :) I seriously enjoyed writing it and I'm really glad the BigBang came around because who knows if, without it, I'd ever get the proper push and focus to work on this fic 
> 
> I have an idea for an epilogue style minific from Joe's pov so maybe i'll get around to that one of these days :) 
> 
> once again, thanks a bunch for reading; you are all the best <3


End file.
